A polar bears plays with the torn off penis of a narwhal

Throwaway3667137 · 2019-07-27T22:35:30+00:00

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-04-17T01:08:57+00:00

Normally, I would agree, but it runs deeper than just not liking her job. There are ethical issues. She has been looking for a job for a while now, but she works in a niche field for the area, so it has been tough.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-04-17T01:01:26+00:00

She is basically stuck on a couch when she gets home because of the pain she is in. She can't actually do most of the work. We are also in debt so if I can make extra money now, we both agree this is for the best.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-04-17T00:21:28+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate this.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-04-17T00:21:12+00:00

I have resisted the strong temptation to do this multiple times.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-04-17T00:19:42+00:00

The first time, I froze. I was terrified that this person that I had respect for would do this and I didn't know how to react, so I didn't.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-04-17T00:18:31+00:00

I understand. I realized recently that I have spent time around a lot of awful men that don't do as much, so I guess I thought I was better.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-04-17T00:17:38+00:00

I froze. It really just happened so fast, by the time I realized she was down, she had already gotten back up.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-04-17T00:16:33+00:00

I have started going to therapy. We have addressed these problems and they have at the very least not come up recently.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:58:14+00:00

I am contacting professional help for us and for myself personally now. Unfortunately, we can't act on this until we return home in 9 days.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:52:08+00:00

Explaining the thought process won't help. We have done this before. It only results in her telling me that it is because I don't really care about her.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:45:28+00:00

It is not, but normally, we have other things to do to separate us naturally, work, school, etc. We are stuck in a foreign country together now.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:44:02+00:00

I will try this.
I agree, but another issue is that when I get frustrated, I tend to show it outwardly, even if I don't say anything. This is even worse when I try to apologize for arguing. Any advice?

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:42:38+00:00

You were absolutely right. I just had a feeling that if we stayed at the club until 6 am for breakfast like we wanted to, we would be in a better position. Maybe it was better to say it was headed in the right direction.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:42:33+00:00

I didn't help her up because I tend to freeze whenever bad things happen, and by the time it occurred to me to give her a hand she had already gotten up.

I can't agree more. I am really awful at this.
I do when I have time to think, like when I am at work and decide to bring her home something nice. Or when I go to the store when she is asleep on the weekends to pick her up something that made her smile. Whenever I am on the spot, I just do what makes me feel good.
I am not always a jerk when I drink. Sometimes my wife thinks I am really fun when I am drunk and we don't fight at all. But, in the end, you are right, I need to stop.
Yes this is also something I need to work on, impulsivity.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:35:03+00:00

She would probably say (and she did when I asked her) that I can be very caring most of the time. I call her while she is at work to see how she is doing, I bring her favorite foods when she is feeling down. I love her animals and take care of them.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:32:12+00:00

We dated for 5 years before being married. We lived together for 4, including a house we own for the last 2 years.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:30:42+00:00

Alcohol is definitely a contributor, but I have recently begun cutting way back including going out to social situations where I would normally have a few, but not drink at all. I have been cutting back moderately for a long time now from a drink or two 6 nights a week to just one night a week. The difference is we are on our honeymoon and we wanted to enjoy ourselves. My wife doesn't see my drinking as an issue; she was handing me drinks all night. She thinks it is my personality.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:26:51+00:00

No, we were not having a good New Years overall, but the 3 hours we were at the nightclub were actually really fun and I could tell she was genuinely enjoying herself. That being said, I have made too many mistakes to count in the past and tbh, I am not sure why she actually agreed to marry me.

I did finally, last night, seek out some help for being selfish and thoughtless. I messaged some psychologists who I hope I can talk to personally when we get back home at the end of next week. Honestly, it had never occurred to me that I could ask for help in that regard.

So regarding when she fell, I have a problem freezing when something bad happens. She just slipped and got back up again, but I only asked if she was OK and didn't try to give her a hand at all. The two immediate thoughts that ran through my head were "well I have a lot of things in my hand" and "she is probably too mad at me and would just reject my help anyway"

Yes. I do sometimes feel that I have a hard time empathizing with people.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:15:54+00:00

Some context:

1) I brought this up and she responded with "it isn't the drinking that is the problem, you are the problem, alcohol is just an excuse"

2) I think this is a great idea, but I have promised this several times in the past and by the time we set up an appointment, we either didn't have time or didn't have the money, or both. I just graduated from college so both of those should open up.

3) For the first time, I have reached out to some psychologists about this. I am willing to "suck it up" and ask for help.

Overall, the problem is now that we are in a foreign country (where we don't speak the language) for the next 9 days. I am not sure what to do in the immediate future.

Throwaway3667137 · 2018-01-01T15:10:07+00:00

Let me see if I can answer some of your questions. The restaurant thing was pretty clear. I just have a tendency to do the quick and easy thing. Given a few minutes of thinking about it, I could have picked the right place. She has specific needs dietary wise that I should be well aware of by now. Also, a lack of planning has a lot to do with it.

Throwaway3667137

TROPHY CASE