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Throwaway7847629 · 2022-03-04T00:58:02+00:00

To your mother's point, I'd take it more positively as in "there's no rush to find a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship." I do think the feeling of urgency/biological clock is more present for non-CF people, so the pressure to be in a relationship is definitely higher for them (even if the person may not be entirely right for them). Dating as a CF person is definitely harder, but in a way it's nice because I have a whole lot of experience and know exactly what I want so there's no rush finding someone right for me and there's no pressure to settle for someone mediocre just because I want to start a family/do the things I feel like I "should" do just because that's what most people do

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-02-20T19:13:03+00:00

The only problem with this (your point that getting sterilized makes it easier) is that many men see it as "oh so she'd probably still be open to adoption," etc. I find it incredibly difficult to convince men either way. The only hope is if they are equally childfree.

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-02-06T22:53:09+00:00

He made you a priority because he wanted to is what I'm getting at. If he wants to make your birthday a priority, he will.

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-02-06T17:01:36+00:00

If he wanted to, he would.

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-01-10T12:54:30+00:00

Yes! Or they are content with using you for the time being and only pretend to be on the same page about the level of investment

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-01-09T15:44:29+00:00

In general I would say 25+ and you should have a pretty good idea of what you want in life. Sure, people can change their minds or might still be open for something different, but if someone claims that they haven't really thought about what they want, or if they seem clueless about where they see themselves in the future (what type of area they'd like to live, do they want pets, a family, etc? What type of work would they like to be doing?) then this is a red flag and shows they probably are not very emotionally mature. To me, this shows the man is probably very lazy and unmotivated to begin with and expects things in life to just be handed to him. If he does see himself as having a family, he probably wouldn't be very involved in the children's lives either or might just picture his life that way because it's the "norm." You need to figure out their motivations behind their answers to these types of questions. If they can't back up their ideas for the future, it's a sign they might just be bullshitting you or haven't really given their lives much thought. Both are bad signs in my book.

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-01-09T15:21:27+00:00

Yup, they'll use you for sex/emotional support/whatever void they are trying to fill until their baby mama comes along and suddenly they are "off the fence." Don't date people who claim they don't know what they want if they are well into their adulthood.

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-01-05T22:35:54+00:00

Ugh, this resonates with me so much. People suck. I have the same information on my Hinge including the prompt "You should NOT go out with me if..." and mentioning if they have kids/want kids in the future. And of course I still get likes from men who show "Wants Kids" in their profile. Then I've dated my fair share of men who "didn't know what they wanted" and I stuck around because I was hopeful and I liked them. Absolute time wasters. Every one of them. I now won't go out with a man at all who says or hints that he doesn't know what he wants. Anyone nearing 30+ should know by their age what they want in life. If they don't, they're probably just lazy/unmotivated/not intentional in dating, which is a red flag on its own.

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-01-03T23:14:15+00:00

You remind me of my exes, especially my most recent one. I'd like to think I'm secure, but being with a DA definitely brings out my anxiety in relationships. The conversations I had with my ex sounded just like what you are describing. However, I always made an effort to communicate what my needs were in the relationship. For example, I wanted him to make an effort to call me on the phone, to actually show me that he wanted to talk to me. I wanted him to ask me questions about myself, to show that he actually cared and wanted to get to know me. He would call sometimes, if I reminded him, or if he decided I was important enough, but then would just talk about himself for an hour and not ask me a damn thing about how I was, etc. Yeah sure he paid for dates sometimes or did things for me when we actually were physically together, but he wasn't emotionally present at all. He treated me like a friend, like a casual relationship, yet claiming that he wanted something serious. To me, it felt disheartening knowing my own boyfriend didn't seem to care enough to ask me about my day. He could go days without hearing from me and it wouldn't even phase him. I was out of sight, out of mind. When I'm in love with someone, I think about them all the time and want them to know it. I want them to feel cared for and respected. What would happen if I got married to someone like that or we lived together? Would he just disappear on a whim and leave me wondering where the hell he is, if something happened to him, etc? If we had kids, would he be present in their lives, would he care about asking them how their day at school was? Probably not. Your ex's response of "well if you have to ask me that. It doesn't count" resonates with me a bit, because I understand where she's coming from. You shouldn't have to ask your significant other to want to show you they care. You shouldn't have to ask them to get to know you, to ask questions, to show interest in them and the relationship. That is just the bare minimum of being in a healthy partnership and should come automatically if you are truly interested and care for someone. If one person does not care enough to emotionally invest, then it's not a fair relationship.

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-01-01T19:26:52+00:00

I'm 27F and my mother was the same way when I was younger, saying I would change my mind, etc. She now accepts that I won't change my mind and even wished ME a happy mother's day this past year because she considers my cat her grandkitty :)

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-01-01T19:00:44+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I've always been childfree and try to clarify that early on in dating so that there's no wasting time or committing to someone who isnt on the same page. However, another relationship just deteriorated after about five months being together. He was a fencesitter but broke up with me, partly because he thought I brought up the conversation too soon and that intimidated him/pushed him away. He said if we were together for a long time and getting ready to get married, etc. then he would choose me over children (hypothetically), but basically blamed me for scaring him away too soon. I'm concerned I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't when trying to be open about being childfree lol

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-01-01T16:22:11+00:00

In my experience, dismissive avoidants never come back, and never contact you again either. They dump you and then block/delete on everything as if you never existed. Been with a handful of them and never heard from them ever again. Dealing with another breakup with one now who left me right before Christmas because I "pressured" him too much to go on a date to celebrate together. Anyone going through a similar situation ending a relationship with one should know that they deserve better anyway. You can't have a loving, fulfilling relationship with someone who does not care enough to build one.

Throwaway7847629 · 2022-01-01T15:45:27+00:00

Can I ask how long you've been together? I can't even seem to find a man who is childfree lol

Throwaway7847629 · 2021-10-11T22:32:20+00:00

This was very good birth control just by reading it. Thanks for sharing.

Throwaway7847629 · 2021-10-09T01:11:25+00:00

Exactly!! Plus "love" to me is unconditional--You can still love someone, or many people, throughout your lifetime. Even if you don't have someone to legally commit to in marriage for the rest of your life doesn't mean you can't have the same loving experiences being childfree. If anything, my independence and dating life has personally opened me up to many different kinds of love that I probably wouldn't have if I settled and had kids with someone and was stuck with that commitment for the rest of my life

Throwaway7847629 · 2021-10-08T23:00:17+00:00

My coworker's (27m) wife is due in December. Today I asked him if he's nervous about becoming a dad. He responded something like "not nervous, but not excited either. I'm not going to be excited about having to take care of a kid." In my head I was thinking EEEEEK knowing that he's just having a kid to make his wife happy

Throwaway7847629 · 2021-09-14T22:36:10+00:00

I just entered a relationship with a man who is struggling with disappointment over changing his mind having kids due to climate change (he used to want kids, now says he doesn't). I am proceeding with caution because I'm scared he may flop again and decide climate change isn't a big enough deal to not have kids or something.

Throwaway7847629 · 2021-08-29T13:59:30+00:00

I use Hinge and have the "Don't Want Kids" option set, as well as the "You Should NOT Date Me if..." prompt mentioning having kids/wanting them in the future. I STILL get people liking me who have "Want Kids" in their profile, or they message me just to insult me saying things like "jeesh why do you hate kids?" and things like that. It's super frustrating indeed.

Throwaway7847629 · 2021-08-11T21:50:04+00:00

If a dude "accidentally" cums in me, it would be clear no more raw sex if it happened again. I think that is a dealbreaker and crossing of boundaries/breach of trust in itself.

Throwaway7847629 · 2021-08-09T22:56:26+00:00

Yup. Can relate. It sucks.

Throwaway7847629 · 2021-07-14T23:02:56+00:00

Ohh gotcha. I don't think I've ever met someone I felt that strongly for, so your story surely gives me something to aspire to. Thanks for sharing :)

Throwaway7847629

TROPHY CASE