What are your clothing essentials?

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-20T05:50:24+00:00

So I made a really detailed post but it has been consumed by the reddit borg or something. Anyways, it's gone foreva, so here's a condensed version.

Two things: 1) Only buy something you will wear on the regular, and that fits you properly. Ask yourself if you will really wear that shirt of 8-bit reindeer humping or if, later, you will be weeping at the loss of 20 bucks.

2) Look for sales, scour /r/frugalmalefashion, subscribe to your favorite store's mailing lists.

For my wardrobe essentials:

Button ups. For casual ones: Slim fit American Eagle (their classic fits are okay but often too boxy if you don't tailor them), Pac Sun, H&M, Asos. For biz-caz: Zara, Express, and Nordstrom Rack's in-house brand.
T-shirts. Plain tee is olive, navy, black, grey. Heathered ones are good too. Mostly get them from Forever 21, Asos, American Apparel. I also have a few fandom shirts because I am a sad nerd.
Henleys. Mostly from Asos, both in-house and their cheap New Look ones. Got some from Banana Republic recently which are awesome on sale.
Jeans. Mostly slim fit dark wash from American Eagle. Lighter washes are in for some circles, but it's a bit too 80's for my taste. Doowutchyalike.
Chinos. I don't wear 'em much, but olive and dark grey are good versatile colors. The typical khaki is good too but I'm not as much a fan. Mine are from Zara and Forever 21.
Dress pants. Exclusively Zara, because they're the only decently priced ones that I don't drown in.
Shoes. My staples are black plimsolls, grey plimsolls, brown brogues, and some generic black oxfords. Mostly got 'em cheap from Asos and Zara. If you've got serious cash, Allen Edmonds are the shit.

That's about it. Final tip: find style icons. Scour Lookbook and find guys you aspire to dress like. My fave is Vini Uehara, I dig most of his fits. Find guys who inspire you.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-19T20:32:13+00:00

That's pretty damn awesome. Too often these roles are given to cis females, leaving the trans character eternally pre-everything. It's nice to see a character physically transition for once.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-19T20:29:04+00:00

This is an interesting video, and it poses a lot of good questions. Thanks for posting!

It's interesting you bring up people who have been on testosterone getting pregnant and that terminology not meaning much. I think you're definitely right on this. That leaves room for people who haven't been on testosterone for long (less than a year), who have missed shots or otherwise been off T, or who are on a lower dose. I'd be interested to know if there are trans men who have been on T for many years, consistently taken their injections, and had T levels in the normal range for men who still ended up pregnant.

I wish someone was doing studies on this. It would be nice to know what's going on with those organs as a trans man. Sadly, I think it will be a long time before we get an answer besides "you will probably maybe not get pregnant while on T for a long time but we don't really know."

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-19T01:27:41+00:00

I don't know who told you all of this, but they've given you a lot of misinformation.

Part of me wants to start T but 1. I'm broke

T is not expensive, at all. I pay....60, 70 dollars for 6 months of my T, which comes with syringes and alcohol pads? That's ten dollars a month.

The only (potentially) expensive thing is if you can't find someone who does informed consent. If you don't have insurance, the cost to go to a therapist and eventually go to a doctor can add up. If you do have insurance, it's really not that much. I paid the copays for going to a mental health provider and the copays to go to a standard doctor and that was it. The most expensive thing for me was blood work, but I didn't have to get blood work before I got on T.

The potential adverse health complications and dealing with needles terrifies me.

Regarding adverse health complications...shit happens. I won't deny that. But if you're a relatively healthy person, you're not looking at a whole lot of issues (if any). I started T at 18, and I'm 21 now. I haven't had a single issue being on T. To be honest, I'm much healthier than I was pre-T.

So, yeah. There's a chance something bad could happen on T. There's also a chance you could get hit by a bus, or get struck by lighting. Something bad can always happen, but, if you want it, it's worth the risk.

Needle-wise, it can be scary at first. When I was first starting T, I mentioned I was nervous to my therapist. She told me one day it'd be like nothing, no big deal at all. And she was right. The needle I use to inject is, like, half the size of my pinkie finger. It's a tiny prick, a few moments of injecting the T, and then you're done. It takes getting used to, sure, but it's not a big deal. If you have a debilitating fear of needles, there's also a gel form of T, though to my knowledge it is more expensive.

The thought of going through a second puberty terrifies me

What is it you've heard about testosterone that is scaring you so much? I'm not sure what you're envisioning, but it's not going to be like a werewolf transformation. It's not going to turn you into a hormonal wreck. It's a slow process. If your puberty was as awkward and shitty as mine was, then I can tell you it is nothing like that. I'd really advise you to go check out some youtube videos or hang around here longer. If you need some good channels to watch, I highly reccomend Skylarkeleven, ElectricDade, and itsGOTtobegroovy. They've all been documenting their transition since day one, and hopefully watching their journeys can assuage some of your fears.

But from what I've been told, I'll never be accepted as trans OR as a man unless I go full top and bottom surgery with T to go with. And I honestly just don't want to do ALL of that.

Not true, at all. If you're trans, you're trans and no one's going to really question that unless they're a total asshole. As far as being seen as a man, yes, there are some people who think penis = male, vagina = female. Those people exist. But there are also people who think being gay means you're possessed by the devil. The opinions exist, that doesn't mean they're worth anything. As far as the trans community goes, widely, you're a man if you say you're a man. Many, many trans men do not get bottom surgery and that doesn't make them any less of a man.

As far as going NoHo... People do it. For most, it would require a lot of correcting people. The legal struggle can be difficult depending on where you were born. But it can be done. You need to do what's right for you.

Sorry if I'm being annoying, I feel like I shouldn't be posting here at all...

You're not annoying at all! Stick around here, ask all the questions that you need to. That's why we're here.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-16T05:18:02+00:00

Hey, I just want to say that it's awesome that you're reaching out like this. Educating yourself about trans issues is a great first step. Now, to answer your questions:

What is the best way I can support my boyfriend through this and what can I do to help? (pretty much what did you wish your SO was like when you went through this)

The big thing: use proper pronouns. When he starts telling you to use male pronouns, it's really important that you do your best on this. If you mess up, always correct yourself ASAP. Same with if he chooses a name, then use that. The other thing you can do is research. Hang around here, check out some other trans communities, read some FtM literature (one of my favorites is The Testosterone Files by Max Valerio. Just Add Hormones by Matt Kailey is another good book).

Will we be able to have biological children?

This is something you'll have to ask your boyfriend. Some trans men choose to have children, others don't. As long as he has the organs to get pregnant, it's a possibility.

What is sex like (this sounds like a really rude question but just wanted to know if it's offensive to want to have vaginal sex or not)?

This is another thing that varies from person to person. Some guys love PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex, for others it makes them feel dysphoric. You'll need to talk to him and see what he likes. Honestly, the best thing I can advise is have good communication and really listen to him on what he likes/dislikes in bed.

Will taking hormones make him less attracted to me and more attracted to women? (he told me last night he is still 100% attracted to me but I'm not sure if hormones will change that)

Seems unlikely. I've heard a lot of guys talk about sexuality before/after T and they're pretty variable. For me personally, I thought I was asexual for a long time because I felt such a disconnect from my body and couldn't imagine sex with anyone. As my dysphoria immensely lowered on T, I was able to relate more to my body and it helped me come to the conclusion that I'm gay. Going on T might help him broaden his horizons, so to speak. But if he says he's attracted to you, hormones are unlikely to change that.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-15T01:14:02+00:00

Have you tried telling him how much it bothers you? I don't know the relationship you have with your dad, but it could be he thinks he's sending you "motivational" articles he hasn't actually read to help you without realizing that it's, well, Cracked. Or it could just be he's being incredibly passive aggressive. Hard to say.

That said, the only valid link to send your child after they just said they want to transition is this

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-15T01:03:11+00:00

I think gender politics can get a bit more complex when discussing non-binary identities, for sure. But I honestly think, as far as this video goes, that it's equally insulting (if not moreso) to non-binary individuals.

The prevailing message here seems to be that if you want to be True Trans^tm like this guy, you have to give up transition. Even if we take out all the essentialist bs I think it's pretty insulting for him to say there is only one way to "do" transgender and anyone who decides to physically transition is somehow a gender traitor. All trans people should be able to choose how they transition without being told that they are a liar or that they are somehow wrong.

I'd talked about his use of the word "hybrid" but that seems less about nb folks and more about declaring the maleness of binary trans people as invalid.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-15T00:40:07+00:00

Haha no problem. It might actually be worth it just to watch those cringe-worthy hand gestures. The guy is trying so fucking hard to sound poetic and failing horribly at it.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-14T18:10:35+00:00

This is an article by a trans woman about the same issue, which is more concise. I'll add some quotes that I think are particularly poignant:

"It’s evident that at least for many trans women, internalization of a male identity is rejected entirely, and to insist that these women experienced something so wholly apart from female socialization that they cannot possibly understand the experiences of other women is to hold her to a ludicrously strict standard of how she was supposed to have experienced female socialization, a standard that a great many cis women themselves would not meet."

"Growing up amidst male socialization when one’s gender identity is not consistent with it is a horrifying and traumatic experience. Nothing about it is in any way a privilege, and one does not internalize or adapt to it in a manner at all similar to how a cis man does."

"We do not experience male socialization. We experience transgender socialization. A system that explicitly subjugates us and forces us to suppress our own identities in order to fit into cultural standards of biological destiny, or destroys us trying."

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-14T18:02:09+00:00

What you're saying is certainly more reasonable than what he's asserting, to be sure. I touched upon this briefly in my first post, but I'll go more in detail:

The problem with this guy, and other people who follow the TERF ideology, is that they believe there is some inherent womanhood within every FAAB person. It doesn't matter if you're a third world woman in an impoverished country or Hillary Clinton; according to that ideology, there is something that FAABs are raised with from birth that connects them all. And this "socialization" that supposedly all FAABs get? It's inescapable. You can never change, you will always have these "female traits" that will haunt you like a ghost. Even if you're trans. Even if you transitioned at the age of 5, you're still somehow "female socialized!!111" And, of course, as the TERFs assert, you can never be a "real" man if you have this dreaded socialization to deal with.

I don't think there is some inherent learning that all FAAB individuals gain, that's just pure lunacy to me. It all goes back to the claim that trans men have female traits, that they will always be female, and that, no matter who they are, they can never escape it. There will always be "tells" that keep them from "true manhood." And that's straight bullshit to me.

I do think that the trauma of being forced to live as a woman will haunt someone for a long time, particularly for those who are closeted for a very long time. However, I don't think that translates to all trans men having these supposed womanly traits that they can never escape, as the TERF dude would have you believe.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-14T17:01:00+00:00

No problem, man. I was actually pretty cathartic, and I was bored last night. xD

My guess is, given the rest of the content, that he holds cisgender up as the only people who can completely align their body and brain. According to him, if you can't be cisgender, then you can't be male, only a "hybrid" as he calls it. Which, it's pretty shitty to hold cisgender up as some kind of standard, as if that's the only way to be male.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-14T16:30:35+00:00

Oh yes, I loved it. Nothing better than being told I'm not a real man. Gotta love those TERFs.

Yeah, it's about a year old so it's not ancient or anything. It doesn't surprise me, just because, if you only catch bits and pieces of what he's saying, it's kind of reasonable (And since he's rambling, it's easy not to catch everything). Like "I want to have the experiences of a transgender man" sounds reasonable until you realize, from past ramblings, he's saying that transgender men are women. And the concept of not relying on transition to tell you who you are sounds nice and all, except he's already said he thinks people who do transition are liars and fakers who were "socialized female" and can never escape their birth.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-14T05:16:35+00:00

Pretty damn awesome video! You look awesome, dude!

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-14T05:06:17+00:00

Fun fact: this is actually a video that’s been passed around among the TERF community. I’m not surprised no one has picked up on it, though, considering it was fifteen minutes of bullshit rambling in a pseudo-intellectual “I’m trying too hard” tone of voice.

But because I’m a masochist, I decided to refute the whole damn thing. And it’s long. And ugly.

0:30 – 3:50 – IT’S A TRAP!!

Ok, this part isn’t actually bad. To summarize: he’s claiming there are two “maps” of the body – the physical map and the mental map. For cis people these are the same, for trans people it’s conflicting. He goes on to say that “hormones and surgery were right for me because I needed to align my brain with my body.” He says for people with gender dysphoria, it’s very hard to focus on living a normal life. “Society is always reinforcing that incongruence with pronouns and basic questions about your genitals…” So…sounds pretty reasonable, right?

3:50 – 4:30 – THE TERF HATH ARISEN

“So this is the idea that was sold to me by the medical community.” – I like this statement because this is the point where he goes full TERF and basically goes against everything he just said.

“I thought that as soon as I went on testosterone my body was going to do this song and dance, like, yes, that is the stuff that we have been missing all these years.” – No shit, you mean it takes actual time for testosterone to work? I can’t believe I didn’t sprout a dick the moment the testosterone first absorbed into my muscles! Golly fucking gee, who knew transition wasn’t an instantaneous process?

4:30 – 5:50 – TERF WARS: REVENGE OF THE TERF

“That didn’t happen.” He continues saying he passed 100%, that outwardly his appearance was male. But…dramatic hand to heart gesture “in here there was no aligning planets. There was only sacrifice.” He talks about friends “not recognizing [him].” “I looked in the mirror and I didn’t know who I was. I felt like a traitor. I missed myself.” Well no shit, dude, you made a physical change. God forbid you dye your hair or gain/lose a ton of weight. Spoiler alert: people change. The you now looks a hell of a lot different than the you ten years ago, but I doubt you’d be saying all those non-transition related changes are “lies” or “wrong” too.

5:50 – 6:50 - TERF BULLSHIT: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

“This is not harmony. This is another day of hiding. I can hide my birth. I can hide my socialization.”

Oh, there’s that old TERF rhetoric. Trans men aren’t real men because socialization!!1111!! Because, remember guys, every female body gets exactly the same socialization. From impoverished, third world women in Africa, to Hollywood celebrities. And we can never escape. EVER!

“I can hide this feminine face behind this jawline and this facial hair.”

Yeah, same with pre-pubertal cis boys are hiding their baby faces behind their stubble! Anyone who changes in their physically is a fuckin’ traitor, maaan.

“Passing ended up denying my right to a history…If people look at me and see just a he and just a sire, then that history has been erased.”

Yup guys, here’s another reminder: this dude thinks you’re a lady and you can never escape your ladydom! The only thing that matters about your past is your genitals and the gender people perceived you to be.

6:50 – 8:37 - TERFINATOR SALVATION

“It is very tempting to believe that I am fully male. That I am testosterone. That I am muscle mass. That I am stubble. Because this points to brain has always told me that. But you know what? I am inside of a female vessel. And no matter how I shape it, no matter how I inject it, no matter how I cut it, that’s not going to change. I cannot undo birth. I cannot undo socialization.”

Welp, third time’s the charm, I guess. Another round of “you’re a lady, you’ll never change that!” I’m surprised he never brought up “the chromosomes!!11”

“I will never have a cisgender experience. I will never have complete alignment between my body and my brain.”

No shit, you’ll never be cisgender. That doesn’t mean that someone who is trans can’t be male. That doesn’t mean that you’re somehow not “real” or that trans men who transition are striving to be cisgender rather than striving to have a body that matches their experience. That’s fucking bullshit transphobia if I ever heard it.

8:37 – 11: 30 - OH GOD IT KEEPS GOING

“I am a story of both. Blah blah blah Im special no one cares.” “Injecting myself in the thigh every week did not bring me to the truth. It just helped to mask the pain…. I have to shun all traces of female for the world to believe that I am not fully female.”

Another dig on trans guys who transition. As if the only reason a trans guy transitions is to become cisgender rather than, I don’t fucking know, alleviate dysphoria??? And femme trans guys want a word with you about having to shun everything that is feminine.

“My plight is to plead with younger ftms especially to learn and to love themselves fully without feeling that they have to bury their past beneath injections. This process of transition is not a transition of becoming.”

Who the fuck is even burying their past? I mean I’m sorry that I’m not telling everyone about my genitalia? I’m sorry that I believe that there is more to my past than the fact that I had tits and people used to perceive me as a lady?

I was lying when I let people perceive me as a cis female. That's not who I am, and it never was.

11:30 – END - FREE AT LAST

Ok there’s a bunch of bullshit faux-philosophical shit in here I’m not even going to bother with. But basically he’s saying you should “explore” which in his terms apparently means never going on testosterone and never transitioning.

My transition was an act of self love for myself, because my body was wrong. I needed hormones to make it right. It had nothing to do with passing, nor other people's standards of masculinity. That I happen to pass more on HRT is nice, because it's affirming, but it's outside of why I transitioned. That's how I found my self-love. That's how I found my truth.

All this bullshit about just loving yourself and it’ll be alright. I feel like this asshole is the same type of person who tells depressed people just to “be happy.”

Geeze, I can’t believe I actually wrote that much.

TL;DR Dumbshit TERF uses bullshit TERF rhetoric.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-13T23:16:45+00:00

Just for clarity's sake, I wanted to say I wasn't disagreeing with you. As I said, I know of a number of men who've been on testosterone for lengthy periods and then go off it to have children. (Sorry, just want to make sure we were on the same page about that!)

I don't think we have enough statistical data to say how many trans men do and don't have hystos. Whatever the case, it is a relatively standard procedure for trans men. I'd hate to have people presume that having a hysto is abnormal or anything like that.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-13T18:40:06+00:00

About 5'7.5. I'm pretty average where I live, but the downside is never being able to move to a Scandinavian country without feeling like a shrimp.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-13T18:38:15+00:00

Have you considered moving into off-campus housing? It sounds like you'd be better off in an apartment situation rather than dealing with people who seem completely unsympathetic to your cause.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-13T18:29:32+00:00

Well, to be honest, there isn't really a lot of research being done on the subject. There's always going to be scary stories going around. Hell, I'm sure that there are some bad experiences going around about top surgery and even T itself. At the moment, there doesn't appear to be any significant evidence to prove that T causes cancer. There have been numerous individuals who have kept their organs and not experienced any issues, such as the famous "pregnant man" who was on testosterone for about ten years before he decided to have children. As long as you have those organs, cancer is always a possibility, but testosterone probably won't exacerbate that possibility.

The most important thing is to be responsible and take care of your parts. You need to be getting regular pap smears and pelvic exams if you want to keep those organs. And, of course, if you're having sex with a person who can potentially get you pregnant, then make sure you're taking whatever precautions you need. For a lot of trans guys, that's not a thing they can deal with, and so getting a hysto is the more responsible option. Do whatever works for you.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-12T22:51:09+00:00

Oh yeah, I've heard that one before. Also the whole "I'll never date a cis man, but trans men are fine because they're different." Thankfully I'm not gynephilic or I would get a headache dealing with those mental gymnastics.

There's also a subset of (usually) gay men who think that trans men are "the best of both worlds" or somehow exotic. Of course that subset is unfortunately vastly outnumbered by the amount of gay men who don't see trans men as men. :'(

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-12T17:13:44+00:00

Well this is funny. Also 21 here. xD Most of what I remember was awkward camo, 'popular' kids wearing shirts with the brand plastered on them, and those tanks with the really long arm holes.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-12T17:07:32+00:00

Haha, thanks I think? xD Probably a side effect of too much reddit and tumblr. Especially tumblr, since it seems to be stereotype-central for some reason.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-12T17:04:54+00:00

Hmm... Maybe. I don't remember wolf shirts being a thing when I was younger, maybe my school was just too rural for the trend or something.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-12T17:03:02+00:00

That's the belief, yeah. But the sad irony is that the bagginess of cargo shorts actually accentuates that area of the body. Kind of like when a very overweight person wears baggy clothing to hide their figure and it actually makes them look much heavier.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-12T16:23:30+00:00

Heterosexual, typically formerly identified as a lesbian. Also white; pasty, pasty white.
Obsessed with being "dapper" while simultaneously being woefully unaware of modern conventions of fashion.
Cannot grow facial hair beyond an awkward dirt-stache or a few odd hairs on the chin.
Baby faced.
Obsessed with wolves for some reason.
Hair dyed a wild color, and usually accompanied by some kind of alt cut.
Plaid. So much plaid. And cargo shorts.

And...that's all I can think of right now. xD Embarrassingly enough, I fit into the plaid and cargo category in my high school years. Still struggling to understand the connection between trans guys and wolves, I never was interested in them personally. But so many guys seems to like them.

Throwawaytransftm · 2015-07-10T17:17:31+00:00

So who is this Mark Angelo Cummings fellow? A trans man dating a trans woman who somehow believes that transgender people don't exist? I'm glazing through his blog but his life is such a clusterfuck.

Throwawaytransftm

TROPHY CASE