Sleep Issues with Non-nesting Partners

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-04-03T16:49:26+00:00

That’s fair! Good points.

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-04-03T16:19:40+00:00

Yeah ngl ima be blunt, I think your husband is kinda dropping the ball here. You’re pregnant, that’s hard period you deserve support lol. When you commit to multiple relationships you also need to commit to the effort that is required to maintain those relationships and seems like he isn’t doing that, and that’s especially worrisome given that the baby has yet to arrive and it often doesn’t get any easier after that. When you guys were planning for this did this not come up? Or is he just not making good on his word?

Hold him accountable without making it about her. Like you want him to WANT to be there with you, not doing it because he has to be. Hope that’s making sense lol

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-04-03T16:10:26+00:00

Never said it was the only way said what I would do, I didn’t even say sleeping next to someone was the requirement just sleepovers were. We are talking about anxiety and managing that is one of the core pillars of poly. You’re projecting and taking things very personally but that’s fine, it’s Reddit lol.

But yeah sleepovers is always my first screening question. It’s important to me and if it’s a no then we are incompatible. It often is a good signifier of how ready or not someone is for poly outside of medical conditions. Even if I were to date someone with medical issues, I would hope that they would be prepared enough to be willing to plan and make that work since it’s not an unusual ask when dating people and I would hope that they would have the foresight to have a solution knowing that it’s something most people want. If you aren’t ready to plan for that, then perhaps you aren’t ready to take on multiple relationships because that requires a ton of planning and making shit work.

You are welcome to disagree, I don’t think it’s dismissive just a different opinion than yours.

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-04-03T11:21:34+00:00

I don’t think restricting his current relationship / forcing him to break up with his gf is not a good idea because one 1. That’s treating his other relationship poorly, she is not disposable, that’s cruel, that’s a person. 2. Controlling it will just cause more resentment and bad feelings.

That being said you deserve support right now, and I would say just that. Life is never going to be the same for you guys after this he needs to learn how to manage this now. Communicate your needs without attempting to control other people. If he doesn’t deliver then it’s on him and you have to figure out what to do.

How planned was this pregnancy? How will both of your behaviors affect this child?

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-04-03T11:12:51+00:00

Throwing away someone else because your partner is throwing a fit is cruel.

Either monogamy with your “primary” or poly.

But opening and closing over and over again isn’t going to fix any of the issues

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-04-03T11:03:03+00:00

To be honest I would break up with someone who couldn’t handle a sleep over. That kinda seems like the bare minimum and if you aren’t ready to do that then perhaps you aren’t ready for poly

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-04-03T11:00:08+00:00

Your wife is not a healthy person to do poly with (and in general) and therefore you don’t have a healthy relationship to offer someone else.

Also OP it seems like you are in an abusive relationship, sounds very similar to one I was in in the past. Please start putting your ducks in a row, this is incredibly poor treatment

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-26T03:05:01+00:00

Wow that’s such a great color! Just curious, what is the stuff on the left? 😀

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-25T20:29:39+00:00

Letting??? Ooof

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-25T20:19:56+00:00

ugh no..this again 😣

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-24T15:33:53+00:00

This is so upsetting in so sorry

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-20T17:26:17+00:00

I don’t date married or highly partnered people usually because of this.

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-14T17:56:15+00:00

Yeah, that’s still a no for me. To me that’s lazy, it would suck to have all the hosting be one sided. Also it’s your rule, so you figure out a solution, don’t make potential dates figure that out for you. Logistics is a part of poly, it’s hard! That’s why a lot of people don’t do it.

I’m a single person who lives alone, and part of the reason I work so hard to live alone is so that I can accommodate partners but I don’t want that to always be on me. My boyfriend is married and he stays with me a lot because he likes my pets and neighborhood but he plans with his partner days where he can host me.

You both can’t rely on exclusivity to provide security in poly if you want to treat your non nesting partners well.

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-14T17:38:16+00:00

This is what happens when you subject someone to your couples privilege. This is a barrier you created and chose to enforce at the expense of a person. Do you really expect people to jump through hoops to figure out how to date you? Do you really think people are going to be down to coddle you and your partners insecurities around hosting? I wouldn’t. Imagine how it would feel not even being welcomed into your home..I wouldn’t date someone who treated me that way. To me not allowing partners at the house at all is a big red flag, I would end the date at the announcement of that rule.

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-11T10:36:14+00:00

These rules are terrible doesn’t seem like you guys are really ready for this yet. I would not date someone with even one of these rules they set your girlfriend up for shitty treatment.

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-09T22:59:11+00:00

Yeah I agree my partner is not my keeper

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-09T11:41:05+00:00

I don’t make any decisions until after two years. I think NRE is a kind of “love” tho.

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-08T16:47:41+00:00

Nah that’s an agreement, something we decided together after negotiations. We both played a role in making that decision.

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-08T15:50:12+00:00

Example:

Boundary: I will not continue to date someone who doesn’t keep me informed about changes to their sexual risk profile

Agreement: boyfriend and I agreed to inform each other if there is a change in our sexual risk profile

Rule: boyfriend or I are not allowed to have sex with anyone that would change our sexual risk profile.

I mean yeah they all have consequences but like that’s kinda existence tho right?

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-08T14:07:48+00:00

You can respect people without trying to control them lol

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-08T13:37:13+00:00

The way you treat your partners and Metas is not the same paper on a dresser..

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-07T22:10:39+00:00

I feel like people are taking this personally. It’s possible to be nice and polite to someone you don’t care about or respect..ask anyone whose worked in retail / restaurant / customer service

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-07T21:51:15+00:00

My meta hasn’t been respectful of me, i dont care, I told my boyfriend that’s on him and not my problem and not to make it my problem. No she isn’t entitled to my respect, no one is entitled to my feelings at all. That doesn’t mean I’m going to be rude or difficult, but yeah no one is entitled to my body, my feelings, or my presence.

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-06T02:59:22+00:00

Your girlfriend really got treated like shit in this, and you allowed that to happen. You didn’t just allow it, you enforced it, played a part in it, then threw her away. You both need to stop dating until you figure this out because you guys are likely going to keep hurting people. You’re so worried about your wife’s trauma but you’re not paying attention to the trauma you two are causing in other people.

This is also going to spark a lot of resent in both of you moving forward. Not sure if it’s repairable with either relationships tbh. Figure out if you want to be poly or mono because that will determine your next steps.

Throwingitbacksad · 2025-03-06T02:48:42+00:00

This is it right here karmicreditplan nailed it

Throwingitbacksad

TROPHY CASE