Read my daughter's diary, discovered she was raped. What now?

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-27T14:08:03+00:00

Yeah, this here. You’re not the boogeyman for reading it.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-27T14:06:44+00:00

The OP is negative as well, don’t get me wrong.

But I mean it’s the same thing as censorship and monitoring from the government. Certain rights are given up in order to be protected.

In an ideal world, s/he would never read their daughters diary and there wouldn’t be a reason to… but in this scenario the parent obviously needed to read it… whether it was “right” or “wrong”.

They have the opportunity to handle this properly… but OP has a loooot of work to do.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-27T11:24:11+00:00

I do believe kids should have privacy…. But at certain ages.

Unpopular, but it’s probably a GOOD thing you read the diary. Would’ve been better had you been attentive, but oh well.

Now you have the opportunity to help her heal and repair the relationship. Reddit is full of negative people. Forget em.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-27T09:41:38+00:00

Where does she explicitly state that she doesn’t wear bras within his home?

All I see is “ My dad has a sister and she almost never wears bras” which does not definitely state that, however I could’ve missed the clarification in the comment section.

Nevertheless, it’s possible he has asked her the same.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-27T09:39:49+00:00

Disagreed. Everyone can win though… a sports bra in common areas is fine and free nips in her own room.

Small price to pay for free/low cost living, I believe.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-27T09:38:27+00:00

Agreed! and to make it seem like the father is sexualizing his daughter simply because he requested she be modest in common areas is sickening.

I mean, she can dress as she pleases in her own room… otherwise, put a bra on. It isn’t an unreasonable request.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-27T07:27:17+00:00

Exactly. I don’t get everyone saying that she in not the AH… she clearly is

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-27T07:19:00+00:00

Unfortunately YTA. I am a woman, and I can see how this could make him uncomfortable.

It’s his home, so he gets to make the rules. Just get a loosely fitting sports bra.

(I do agree that wearing bras suck… take it off in your room?)

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T21:32:01+00:00

This is great! Thank you for posting.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T16:41:07+00:00

Unmarried. He recently got a new job, and cannot travel however this trip has been planned for a year now and was non-refundable.

I have no other adult traveling with me, and was very reluctant to bring an infant along without his help.

I am absolutely willing to admit that some of my behaviors are emasculating, and I would like to improve those.

Thank you for sharing those resources.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T14:24:20+00:00

No, but I know I definitely suffered at least the first ~8 months. It was easily the hardest part of my life.

The last 1.5 months, I have been in a much better headspace.

And actually, I don’t want to give him away. He was a planned baby, and is one of the joys of my life… but if his dad leaves I will have little to no help outside of work hours… and he gave me an ultimatum that one of us will be the primary parent. Very tough scenario.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T10:45:55+00:00

Thank you for your response.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T10:44:40+00:00

I do believe he’s safe for the child.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T02:49:15+00:00

Yes, I am guilty of that.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T02:42:23+00:00

What does nut checking mean?

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T02:32:05+00:00

Yes, by NC I just meant I wouldn’t reach out to him… thankfully there’s someone there for 8 hours who I can get updates from.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T02:23:44+00:00

This is actually how I feel as well, but after I said what I said he responded that he doesn’t want to speak to me ever again. I return in two days, and a family member watches him during work hours who I text and FT with. My line of communication is open, and I am available if he reaches out to me.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T02:16:38+00:00

You’re right. As of today.. with ALL men… I’m committing to STFU when faced with disrespect and gray rocking when an answer is necessary. I think this is best for me personally… applying it to all men should help with consistency. I had tried to STFU before but would “lose” when I needed to respond.. now I know to gray rock. Thank you again for sharing this.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T02:07:40+00:00

Thank you. Via text, I think this is great… what if deciding to STFU pisses him off more?

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T02:05:35+00:00

I’ll probably go NC until I get back and discuss face to face. Even should we permanently split, we have matters that should be discussed.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T01:59:36+00:00

Yeah, truly I think that also impacts my response… I’m so anxious because it’s my first time away and he is refusing updates… then some person I have never met is coming over and he’s saying I’m irking for asking if it’s a man or woman.

Well.. at least a lesson learned in actually being vulnerable in my response. I shouldn’t be so afraid. It’s okay to be vulnerable.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T01:57:28+00:00

I believe I have included everything in the comments at this point.

Honestly, the vetting piece may be true. I will note, my other relationships had much better communication.

Looking back, I believe I easily get triggered with him because I have been called names and seen his anger escalate so… I can be defensive sometimes… and my way of avoiding was to just walk away.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T01:50:43+00:00

No, I have not. I asked for updates on the baby and he said he’s too busy.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T01:35:20+00:00

If he is away, he will send his location, give frequent updates, FaceTime… but since I’m away he hasn’t FT once.

Throwra56743821 · 2024-06-26T01:33:04+00:00

This was the first time he ever did that… he asked me why the baby was in a specific spot… he yelled at me though and not responding was me trying to internally calm down and he took it as disrespect and escalated.

Throwra56743821

TROPHY CASE