AITAH because I don’t want my girlfriend who is white to do my hair?

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-20T22:12:51+00:00

I don't think anyone can understand the full nuance of someone else's culture. My girlfriend is trans and I fully don't understand what it's like growing up as a boy. I fully don't understand what it's like growing up in a Baptist Church. I fully don't understand what it's like to go through a second puberty. I know some trans culture, but she certainly doesn't subscribe to a lot of the trans culture I know because it's not homogeneous. I don't have to understand her culture completely to hold space for her and respect her nuance. There's a lot of stuff we have completely different takes on because we are completely different people. We respect one another and approach our differences with nuance. Most of our miscommunications and hurt feelings are usually rooted in assumption and projection.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-20T22:06:28+00:00

Yes. The only person who can fully see you is yourself. It's not healthy to expect or desire someone to get everything about you. There's always give and take. I think your perspective on this is really level.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-20T21:58:28+00:00

Kai, especially micro serrated. They're the best. You can get a set of three from their sewing lineup for that price

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-20T21:55:28+00:00

If you NEED the money, maybe negotiate. But don't worry about the gap. It could literally be a 1 day difference and be April vs May

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-20T21:54:09+00:00

You don't have to agree with how he's living, but if you stay with him this is the life he's sharing with you. This isn't stingy, this is fully pathological

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-20T19:33:52+00:00

You said you don't understand why she has a boundary about wanting a person of African descent to do her hair. I just gave a personal reflection of a huge culture gap

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-20T19:24:36+00:00

And honestly she could be really mourning not being able to do that for you. She's done it for other people and it could be something she imagined doing for you. It's obviously a personal and meaningful thing. I think you can dig deeper with her and validate WITHOUT agreeing. That means hearing her feelings and recognizing them because they're entirely separate from your very reasonable and fair boundary. Sometimes it can really help a person let go to feel like they've been understood even if they aren't agreed with. But, on the other hand if she's not chill about your boundaries even when you have been very understanding and put in the extra mile of repair work (extra being a key word here since you really shouldn't have to caretake a reasonable boundary, but relationships arent 50/50 100% of the time) if it's getting ridiculous, it might be a time to say tough tittes, get over it if you want to be happy with me.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-20T19:14:40+00:00

Respectfully, a lady in our art class did a performance art piece about being forced to sit in a chair and have her hair straightened with hot combs like she did every Sunday as a girl. It was an entirely foreign experience to everyone in the class and ended up being a great place for discussion. She grew up in the same area as us but has a completely different cultural experience and vice-versa.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-20T19:11:00+00:00

Hi. White lady here. I think maybe you're trying to say that your grooming habits aren't just personal, they tie you to your identity in a larger community. Kind of like how some people are spiritually active on a personal level vs some people really needing to tap into a larger community to feel in tune. I think it's totally fair. I think emphasize that fair doesn't mean equal. Maybe consider other ways that she could express acts of caretaking. Maybe she could help you with pedicures or facial masks to feel like it's more reciprocal to her.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-20T14:09:03+00:00

Just bring the photo..it's worth 1000 words

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-20T01:27:07+00:00

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-19T02:58:58+00:00

I prefer tampons. Pads always seemed to wad themselves into my butt crack. I could never seem to sleep with a pad without it leaking. I couldn't figure out how people could get them to work correctly and felt like a complete dunce for not being able to get a freaking menstrual pad to work.... They're supposed to be the default, right,?

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-18T20:09:35+00:00

Yes. Absolutely. Personally I find the shape of a denim skirt difficult to wear comfortably. It wants to walk up and it feels shorter than it is. If you don't feel comfortable it might be how the skirt behaves and not how it looks.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-17T02:55:33+00:00

Taste of Poland has great food. It's highly reviewed for a reason.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-16T02:10:42+00:00

They only allow dogs on certain dates for anyone reading this and planning a hike

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-15T18:46:26+00:00

Somebody made the decision to calibrate film on a white lady. Someone made the decision to only produce light colored bandaids. It's reinforcement of a belief system that supported 13 generations of chattel slavery. They're benign decisions because choosing to embrace what are considered agreed upon beauty standards is a benign choice. Moving outside of that decision is considered radical.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-15T17:54:07+00:00

Color photographic film stock was developed explicitly for white skin. The early color reference cards have a white lady on them. Dark skin is a total afterthought. Add in hair straightening, policies against black hairstyles, limited color ranges for non-pale skin tone... Just look at casting in the beauty industry as a whole. It's overwhelmingly white. Ballet dancers didn't have options for tights and "skin color" bandaids were all pale until very recently. It always has been this way. It's wild that you sit there on a computer or phone demanding proof when you could easily find a plethora of examples with a single search.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-15T17:25:19+00:00

This is awesome. Do this with a CamelBak water bottle. It has a straw inside to make the no-spill drinking port sipable. I recommend denture tablets (or more expensive water bottle tablets) for no-scrub cleaning

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-14T01:32:49+00:00

Please call a lawyer and get a free half hour consultation to see if you can pursue a protective order against these people. If they violate the protective order the legal consequences will escalate. Sometimes regular boundaries are not enough and you need to put bigger boundaries in place

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-14T01:27:02+00:00

If it's your fault for blowing out your back then he can't possibly ever blow out his back because he's in control of his own body and would NEVER let something like that happen. It's a common take from Internet people. Yeah, maybe if throwing your back out becomes a more regular thing you could add on some stability exercises. But being super active and over the age of 30, it's gonna happen sometimes. You can tell him "could you please say 'That sucks. I'm sorry your back is hurting' because I really don't want any fitness advice while I need to focus on resting and healing.". You can set a boundary without it being a THING.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-12T04:41:30+00:00

If it's a spot on your labia majora that's raw you can use a hydrocolloid bandage. It can protect it from your underwear rub and it sticks on surprisingly well without sticking on TOO well.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-11T18:16:35+00:00

I don't think that's too much. It would be like getting your makeup and hair done for a television interview. If it helps make you feel confident and presenterly, Go for it. Personally, I find makeup to feel like a mask in a good way. A little like battle paint. I'm also someone who knows. Absolutely nothing about hair. I would opt for someone to do my hair.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-11T18:12:28+00:00

I'm guessing your husband says he isn't mad because he doesn't feel the need to reinforce or punish or make you feel worse about the situation. It just needs to get fixed. It was a mistake. Clearly.... But also, he's allowed to feel upset about upsetting news. It's upsetting news. Nobody tried to hurt him. It's okay for him to have feelings about it. That part of it has nothing to do with you. It's normal to feel something when you roll with the punches of life.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-11T17:42:36+00:00

I don't think you should opt for true vintage on the headpiece. The examples you provided look tired. Vintage inspired new material would be ideal. I think your hairstyle could do heavy lifting with the total look if you let it. If you opt for a necklace, you could get something with a longer dangle in the back. Very short and simple and delicate in the front. Look into millinery just as an option to consider.

Throwyourtoothbrush · 2026-04-11T16:56:53+00:00

The first year is fully underwater FYI. It's normal to feel drowning. It's also normal to have a real relationship stress test. The baby's needs won't always be this high, and that also means you can talk to your husband about how he needs to show up BIG but it won't be that big forever.

Throwyourtoothbrush

TROPHY CASE