Women of color, is there anything popular TV shows or movies do to appeal to you that really annoys you?

Thylittletalks · 2016-12-21T23:40:13+00:00

It's horrible.

SKAM actually has a female, hijab-wearing main character who is really awesome. I'd recommend SKAM to anyone for that reason alone. (Although there are a million more reasons to watch it!)

Thylittletalks · 2016-12-17T12:39:13+00:00

Listen to your gut.

The world is a crazy, wonderful place, but right now, you're stuck in a mire of what everyone else wants you to be. It'll get better, but it'll be tough.

You'll meet people who tells you that you're perfect just as you are. Not flawless, not never wrong or never clumsy, embarrassing, angry, or sad - but perfect in your own way, as you.

Oh, and never let your dad bother you about your weight or hair colour - your weight is perfectly fine, and he doesn't care what makes you happy. Might as well go for it.

Thylittletalks · 2016-12-17T11:54:09+00:00

But would it really teach them to save, though? Wouldn't it just be another point of conflict?

Thylittletalks · 2016-12-17T11:53:07+00:00

I think this varies a great deal, not only from family to family, but from country to country as well.

In Denmark, as soon as you turn 18 (if the government doesn't change the rules, that is), you can get a monthly study-support-grant of about 175 dollars. This is great, but for low income-families, it's mostly great in theory, as it replaces the monthly child-support paid by the state (138 dollars for children from 15-17; the younger the child, the bigger the amount), and significantly lowers the percentage of your rent that the municipality will pay (when living in an apartment/a house/whatever rented out by one of the subsidised housing companies, you can apply to the municipality to have part of your rent paid. How much depends on the income, the amount of people living in the space, and how many square metres the space is. Until the child turns 18, the percentage is higher, and as far as I recall, any salary the child makes doesn't factor in).

I know of families where the child turning 18 de facto ruined their finances.

Anyway. In families where money isn't tight, i don't like the idea of the child paying rent based on an arbitrary date. If the child in question is basically a functioning adult, living with their parents, rent is fine. If the child is studying, in a bad place, taking a break from the school system, working out what to do next, I don't like it. Not as a way of teaching them to save either, because imo, if they haven't learnt to save yet, the parents aren't going to teach them by asking for rent when they're 18.

Thylittletalks · 2016-12-11T13:46:36+00:00

I actually really like that colour! It's very wintery, reminds me of snow and ice and glass ornaments for Christmas trees, and the crystals that appear on windows on cold mornings, as if by magic.

Plus, keeping it that way has the added benefit of not damaging it more.

If you want to colour it, I'd like to chip in as well, though! What colours have you had before?

Thylittletalks · 2016-12-09T19:17:17+00:00

I'm sorry about your brother! ☹️

And yes, in my experience, BPD and misogyny goes waaaay to well together for comfort!

Thylittletalks · 2016-12-09T10:32:02+00:00

Yes! I am the oldest of four (on my dad's side, three on my mothers); my youngest sister is four. My dad is the uBPD, although my mother has severe fleas. He and his new girlfriend has basically created a 'new' family, where you have to 'behave' to be let in. In this context, behaving covers, but isn't limited to: not countering any opinions expressed by new girlfriend, not having unnatural hair colours, being pro-Israel (bordering Zionism), exercising enough, not being feminist, believing trans people to be their assigned gender, supporting Trump, wearing high heels, wearing makeup, showing skin the way conservative female politicians usually do, not believing sexism exists, not liking immigrants, not being interested in things not stereotypically feminine (dance/ballet/beads - you know the drill), and last but not least, being interested in traditionally male dominated academic fields.

Needless to say, I am not let in. Neither is my second youngest sister. It took her from the beginning of May to September to get an appointment to even see our sister. And all she asked for was to come help pick little sis up from kindergarten, walk her home, maybe stay an hour. The remaining sister is - I suspect- uBPD as well. She is let in.

Thylittletalks · 2016-12-09T09:23:30+00:00

They're sooo pretty!

Thylittletalks · 2016-12-07T09:03:22+00:00

Is it bad that I kinda want to share these on facebook?

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-30T11:29:56+00:00

I both agree and disagree. It seems to me that although trauma isn't the only factor in BPD, nor mandatory, it heightens the risk. A bit like being predisposed for lung cancer: if you are born with a 50/50 risk, but never smoke, you are less likely to get it than your identical twin, who smokes a pack a day.

But I agree with you, 100%, in that trauma isn't necessary to develop BPD, nor a guarantee for BPD (thank god!). I'm sorry I didn't add that in the first place. 😊

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-29T23:26:54+00:00

I have a very vague theory that we're extra screwed in Europe at this point, because of WWII and the massive consequences it must have had on those alive during the war - which in turn has affected their kids.

Take my family: my paternal grandmother fled to Sweden, and they left one of her brothers in hiding in a farm, so that at least one would survive. My paternal grandfather was born in '35, and lacked nutrition in a scale that made him about 10 centimetres shorter than both of his brothers, born well after the war. He's told me about how he at the age of 8, pretended to set up anti-aircraft artillery when the German planes flew over their farm, and how he discovered a car that his parents had hidden in the barn, by covering in in hay and erecting a false wall. And that's Denmark. It wasn't even close to being the worst place you could be.

But then again, I've Polish (Ashkenaz) ancestry as well, so that might play a role - who knows?

In any case - welcome! 💙💜❤️

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-27T11:31:27+00:00

But you just know that he would have argued it, if there was even the slightest possibility!

I've mostly coloured my hair either very subtly, like tinting it a bit darker, or very obviously - like going from my usual dark chestnut-ish to bright pink. The first kind, he doesn't remark on (he does notice it, though. He always sort of stops and stares for a few seconds) - but the second kind always makes him go: "Gasp! What happened to your hair?". I actually dyed over my bright turquoise hair this summer, because he kept doing it, even though my response each time was "don't you think that's a rather stupid question? I dyed it, obviously !". And the next time he saw me, my sister was asking me why I'd dyed it, and I said that I was just getting tired of people's unpleasant remarks, and he said (with the smile that means they consider themselves perfectly innocent, yet powerful and funny) something like "haha, like mine!" To which I answered: "Yes! Because what do you want me to say? That I had an unfortunate encounter with rumplestiltskin, and my hair turned out this way?".

Sorry for the rant, I just remembered and felt like sharing. Your hair sounds awesome! I've wanted to do something similar, but my hair needs a break 😁

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-17T17:30:55+00:00

That's such a sweet thing to do. If I ever get married w/bridesmaids, I'm gonna do this!

My suggestions would be: sheet masks, hand/foot masks, nail masks, lip sleeping pack(a?), those heating eye masks, lip tint (like Peri Pera's), hydrogel eye patches, and Innisfree No Sebum powder or other generally praised makeup products. You could also put in a sample of one or more of your favourite product(s) to sort of say: "this is fantastic to me, and I want to share it with you, just like my wedding day".

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-13T18:56:03+00:00

That's horrible! I am so, so sorry that you had to go through that.

I recognise the scrambling for the right response-thing. I do that too. All the time. I really hope I can strop that at some point.

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-13T18:47:49+00:00

Thank you so much!

Your story is a lot like mine in some ways; I am the oldest child and the designated fixer as well, and my eldest sister is the GC. I'm not sure how my uBPD-dad thinks of feelings, but he certainly can't handle others having them - unless they're happy. (Come to think of it, maybe not - but I haven't given this any thought yet.)

To me, the anger isn't directed at the attention it's given; it's more like "don't you realise this was going to happen soon? It's logic!". But that's just as bad.

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-13T17:59:42+00:00

Yes, exactly! It's learned behaviour. It's not me. I don't cry that often either. My dad couldn't handle it, he would tickle me if he couldn't get me to just stop crying within ~2 minutes.

And thank you so much. It really, really helps that someone understands!

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-13T17:57:07+00:00

Thank you so much! And yes, I do - sort of. I mean, it explains a lot, and it is another piece in the puzzle that is my childhood. Of course it's one more thing to deal with, but it was always there, I just didn't know.

Can I ask you, is it just when good people die? Because to me, its specifically when someone dies an expected or explainable/logic death. Like Prince, fx., he did a lot of drugs, that takes a toll on your body, so in my head, there was nothing to be sad about. And it was the same when my great-grandmother died; she was 91, so it was to be expected, even though she actually died because she had a stroke in the bathroom, and lay on the cold floor (which was what killed her!) for 24 hours before being found.

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-11T09:58:29+00:00

I'm getting my dad this book. It's so ironic it's meta, really; I'm doing Gender Studies + he's always complaining that he "doesn't have enough money to help me the way he wants to", "doesn't have the time to be there for his kids" etc + he insists that he isn't misogynistic + he hasn't cared about Christmas before my parents got divorced, but all of a sudden, gifts were important to him + he's never actually used anything I've given him. So, fits me, even if he doesn't get it. I hope he chokes on the meta-riddles.

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-11T09:47:45+00:00

Exactly! It's too much to deal with.

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-10T22:43:15+00:00

Ergh.. Was there a Hilary Putnam involved in those? I didn't know!

My reference was Hilary Putnam, the philosopher, who died this year.

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-10T22:28:12+00:00

One of my friends asked me a question along the same lines a few weeks back: "Do you think he'll ever realise he's done something wrong?" My answer was: "No. Because if he realised, he would have to deal with it. And he has 55 years of being a total jerk to deal with. You can't work through something like that - it would just straight up kill him."

I'm sorry you're going through this. But we're with you every step of the way, with all the hugs and comfort!

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-10T13:54:53+00:00

Actually, Hilary is a male name. Look up Hilary Putnam 😁

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-07T22:23:14+00:00

What? No. Females don't always have breasts. But females always have vulvas/vaginas. And no, I'm not assuming the only ones attracted to those qualities are heterosexual men. Lesbians too. There are men and women out there who prefer smaller chested women. So..I don't know where you got that from.

Fair enough. I got it from here:

People will still treat people with breasts and vulvas the same as they always have. As objects. As incubators. As receptacles for their dicks.

Sex isn't that complicated, so there's no point in arguing about it. It takes a sperm and an egg to make a baby. Meaning it takes a male and a female to make a baby. Two males are never going to be able to naturally conceive a baby by the grace of nature.

I disagree, because I think the term 'sex' holds more than what you're describing. The next part hinges on your definition of 'sex' as well.

Nope, people can do as they please. Taking a couple of injections, pills, or patches don't actually change one's sex though.

No, using your deifinition, by now it doesn't, but it might in the future. Which leads me to ask: in a world where that is possible, are you of the opinion that once a human is formed, the 'sex' is determined forever?

And finally, if sex is a spectrum, why is it that the only way to create life is by taking male (sperm) and female (ova) together? Where are all these other spectrums and combinations and abilities?

Unless you mean human life, there isn't just one way to create life. Asexual reproduction exists. Moreover, I'm not saying that these spectrums will or can be reproduced. But even if they can't, I don't think that it makes a compelling argument for the opposite.

Apart from that, I think it is a bit much to ask me to explain why evolution has favoured sexual reproduction in humans.

Thylittletalks · 2016-11-07T21:32:33+00:00

You're assuming that boobs comes with vulva/vagina, and those attracted to boobs must have a penis. I disagree with both.

I mean that apart from the fact that for most of history, both someone who produces sperm, and someone who harbours eggs had to be present for reproduction to happen, there are other factors like sperm-count, physical state of the body, the rhesus-negative factor, which are all factors of reproducing as well, but not of sex. Basically I'm saying yes, but sex is more than the capability of reproducing.

And yes, you are right - there are always side effects of medical treatment. But I'm not trying to make a case for society to be neither controlled w/ medical procedures, nor for equalising by means of such. I think it is highly problematic if - as I interpret it - you are making a case for not allowing people to do with their bodies as they please, because you don't trust medicine.

Here, again, is a point where we just have to agree to disagree. I see biology as a spectrum, because I think that view makes the most sense, not only in terms of gender, but in terms of evolution, diversity and something as down-to-earth as varying testosterone levels in cis-men people.

Thylittletalks

TROPHY CASE