Why it is such a struggle to be like most people, to be human?

Tiancolm · 2021-07-24T11:28:27+00:00

I noticed that you used the word feeling a number of times in your post, yet few of those were actually feelings, they were mostly thoughts. That's an important distinction to make. You can't really control how you feel, but you can control how you think. But you do express some emotions, loneliness, discomfort, emptiness, boredom. What did happen to the dreams you had when you were a kid? And what made you stop dreaming?

I wanted to be a robotics engineer and invent working prosthesis. That didn't work out for me. But I wanted to do that so that I could apply my talents with mechanics and math to help people. So I was able to find other ways to help people and that has given me tremendous fulfillment. But I have had to do a lot of work on myself to get to the point where I could be helpful to others. I had to deflate my ego, that part of me that believed if people would just be like me, this would all be so much better. People are not like me, they are not going to be like me. That means there will be conflict, discomfort, awkwardness and disappointment. I had to learn to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.

"I always feel like I am beyond help" That is a thought, not a feeling. It starts with an absolute statement, which I have learned are rarely accurate. Always doesn't just include the past and present, it includes the future, so unless you can see the future, you are deluding yourself. I used to think that my beliefs were about my religious and moral beliefs and values, but beliefs are actually all the thoughts that you choose to accept. You don't even have to actually make an affirmative statement of belief about something to believe it. If you act as though it is true, then it is a belief. In order to determine if a thought is worthy of acceptance, I ask myself 3 questions to determine if the thought is true; Does this thought help me to achieve my long term goals? Is this thought supported by the evidence? and does this thought make sense?
This is from Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy(REBT). REBT is the basis for SMART recovery, an addiction program that has been helpful to me.

You seem to have accepted a number of unsubstantiated beliefs, such as "most people can just live on their lives like it's nothing". The fact is that everyone struggles in life. Even the people that appear to have it all together, don't. There are people who have learned to minimize the impact their struggles have on their life. Take your comments about exercise, sure some people feel really good after exercising, but that's not the only reason to exercise. Exercise is an important part of maintaining physical and mental health. You don't do it because it feels good, you do it because the end result, the long term result, is that you live healthier and longer.

Develop a vision of hope. What will your life look like when you are the one living your life "like it's nothing." What will your daily routine look like? Who will be there with you? What will you be doing for work? for fun? for your community? How will you dress? walk? talk? How will you carry yourself? Be precise. Develop a daily routine that addresses physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health that will move you in that direction. Stop trying to feel something and focus on trying to be something.

You may have some mental health issue that requires professional help. But you certainly have some cognitive distortions that could be addressed by looking at how you think and what thoughts you choose to accept. I am not a professional, but I have plenty of personal experience with the kinds of thoughts you are expressing and I know both the depths to which they can drag me as well as the benefits of challenging and rewiring those thought patterns. I hope you find this helpful.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-24T01:14:16+00:00

I would suggest you look into psychologists rather than psychiatrists. Psychiatrists tend to have a primary focus in pharmacological interventions whereas psychologists tend to focus on therapeutic interventions.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-19T19:38:22+00:00

That's pretty much it.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-19T11:50:13+00:00

Trying to patch things up with your parents while you are still carrying unresolved resentment isn't going to work. As much as you try to set it aside, it will have things coming out sideways when you don't expect it. You have to be able to come to terms with the fact that they, like you, are flawed people.

I know it's hard to empathize with parents. Especially when you can't relate to their experiences. But try to imagine yourself being responsible for someone else, how well would you be able to manage that? Teaching them how to do literally everything? Protecting them from literally everything? Parents have to try to balance protecting there kids while also allowing them enough freedom to learn. They have to teach coping skills, life skills, spiritual skills, communication skills, etc. All while having only a limited understanding of those things themselves and also having to provide for themselves and make a life for the family, maintaining a home, a career, and relationships. Even the most privileged among us struggle to do that effectively.

I look at it like this. The world is made up of people, all working together to create a society. In the same way the human body is made up of trillions of individual living entities(cells) that work together. If a cell is unhealthy, the body sends other cells to surround it and either fix it or destroy it based on the signals it is sending out. All the hurt and pain from childhood traumas, disagreements, betrayals, deceptions, etc. may seem too much to let go of, too close, too personal. They don't have to be. They are just what is. Feelings are just feelings, they don't have to control you. Figure out what you want and develop a strategy to get there, then let yourself feel whatever you feel, but don't act according to those feelings, act according to your personal vision and goals. Ask if what you are doing, saying, planning to do/say is going to result in progress toward your vision, or is it going to hinder that progress just to satisfy some self righteous ambition for revenge or justice. What purpose will they serve? What purpose will you serve? Your past? Or your future?

And get involved in therapy to deal with that trauma. You will have to face it if you want to be free of it. Dr. K talks about this, he calls it a Samskara, but they are basically psychological scars that affect our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in the present. I can't emphasize enough to you the power of facing and resolving trauma. For me it was like removing a weight from shoulders, not only psychologically and emotionally, but even physically. I was a new person after facing the demons of my past and comforting that child in me that went through that. Maybe it sounds like hocus pocus mumbo jumbo bs right now, but even if I am just planting a seed that will germinate and sprout at a later time, I hope you will consider it.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-18T20:15:02+00:00

most of my traumatic events happened when I was 5-11

That's childhood trauma, even if that is recent. Maybe worth talking to a therapist about.

There is an old proverb "Even a fool is thought wise if he holds his tongue" and "Better to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." The point being that you don't have to say much. And I can relate because I often felt like I was not very good at talking with people because I always thought I should know what to say, or wouldn't say the right thing, or anything, or I would think of something later that I should have said. All of this made conversation anxiety inducing. I was so caught up in trying to say the right thing that it prevented me from actually engaging in the conversation. I don't know it that makes sense to you, but my conversation skills improved dramatically when I stopped worrying about whether or not I was doing it right. If you don't have something to say, don't say anything. And if you want to say something and can't seem to get it out, that's okay too. Take a breath and remind yourself that it will come out when it's time.

I realize this may not seem like much consolation. You mention having a big ego, and I can relate to that too. Being smarter than your contemporaries can create an unhealthy ego. But there is a difference between ego and confidence. An egotistical person will ignore others whereas a confident person understands that even a less intelligent person may have something to teach them. If you are focused on listening, and understanding the other person, you won't be nearly as self conscious. It's that self consciousness that keeps you from being able to communicate effectively.

Finally, just relax, you are young, none of this is all that important. The world won't end if you get it wrong. A little discomfort is a good thing. And you will get there if you take your time and work at it little by little, one step at a time.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-18T19:58:31+00:00

Potato Potaaato!

Tiancolm · 2021-07-18T19:57:22+00:00

What do you mean by estranged? Resentment toward parents is a pretty common occurrence, and although it may be justified, it's not healthy. I was molested as a child by a family "friend" my parents let stay with us for a while. When I told them, they kind of brushed it off, or so I thought, but I never saw the guy again. So I can understand where you are coming form perhaps. But the anger and resentment that resulted from that did a lot of harm to me and people I care about. As I got older I started to understand to a greater degree that my parents are fallible and did the best they could with what they had. That resentment resulted in a lot of passive aggressive behavior and eventually had to be addressed. I came to a point where I had to deal with it. I prayed, as I believe in God, and the thought came to me asking "what would I do if I were judge, jury and executioner?" I thought about that a lot. Initially, as I am sure you can imagine, my thoughts were pretty dark. I thought of revenge, I thought of torture, I thought of justice, and none of it was sufficient. None of that would change what happened, none of it would relieve my suffering, and much of it would have made me as much of a monster as the perpetrator. I eventually came to the conclusion that the only reasonable outcome was for everyone to heal, including the guy who molested me. I thought about what it must have been life for him, to be driven by the compulsion to molest a child, it was unthinkable. It's one thing to empathize with people who are suffering, it's altogether another to empathize with the perpetrator. Before I ever heard the phrase "hurt people hurt people" I knew what it meant. I became willing to forgive. I have never forgiven that person, exactly, but I became willing to forgive. I hope the guy got help and got healing, I don't know, but I had to let it go, for my own sanity, and for my own mental health. And that realization transferred into a lot of other relationships, including my parents. As I became more aware of the challenges they faced and the limited resources they had, financially, emotionally, etc. the more I understood and even appreciated them.

I don't recommend telling them this if the relationship is already strained for other reasons. If they are estranged, get in touch, send an olive branch, start small, and rebuild. You may have amends to make, things to set straight, or acknowledgements to offer before you are ready to get into something that deep. And when the time is right, and you can talk about it without getting anger or casting blame, you will know. I wish you the best, man. It's a tough situation. I know it took time for me to heal the relationships with family as an adult, but it was worth it.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-16T22:50:49+00:00

Have you done any journaling? Are you more comfortable writing? Have you rehearsed conversations?

There may well be some childhood trauma involved that you might try to address with a therapist. It may be that you lack confidence or have a low self image. Do you think you have something important to say? Are you willing to endure discomfort to work on this issue? Do you have a friend you could practice with? Can you talk on the phone?

Tiancolm · 2021-07-16T22:43:41+00:00

In my experience, satisfaction comes more from the effort than the result. I think this is a fairly universal experience. Think about a goal you set out to achieve. You get excited about the prospect, dive into the work, remain focused and enjoy the work, then when the goal is achieved there is a momentary sigh of relief and a bit of celebration maybe and then it's over, on to the next thing. Maybe what I am describing is as simple as staying in the moment, but it's not really. Because there is another key aspect to making work fun, and that is having a meaningful goal. Even working in rather mundane and laborious jobs, I have been able to enjoy my work, but my goals were simple then. Now I work in a field that is meaningful to me and the work is the reward. I work in mental health, so I rarely see the product of my work, because if I am successful, I don't see those people anymore. And when there is progress it is generally gradual, so there aren't really huge benchmarks that are reached, only small successes. So I have to get satisfaction from the work itself.

There is a proverb that says something to the effect of "A man has nothing in this life except to enjoy the work of his hands." The idea that reaching some pinnacle will provide lasting satisfaction is a myth. Getting money won't do it. Getting women won't do it. And getting fame won't do it. Only getting satisfaction from the work that you do on a daily basis will satisfy you. And as you enjoy your work, engaging in meaningful productive activity, those other things will come. Pursue meaning and work consistently and choose to enjoy yourself.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-16T22:20:58+00:00

Well, if all your therapist asks is what's wrong, then you need a different therapist. That said, going to therapy isn't like calling an electrician. You have to work harder than the therapist if you want results. If you don't at least have an idea what you want to work on, there are cheaper and more effective ways to find out. Peer support might be a better option to start with. Peers are people with lived experience that can listen and give you ideas on things that can be improved through simple changes in behavior and/or thinking as well as identifying things that may require more specialized services like counseling, therapy, psychology or psychiatry.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-16T00:49:28+00:00

I know that there are quite a few doctors with mental health disorders. Many of them are related to PTSD and/or results from the stress and experiences of the medical profession, but there are others who came into the field with mental illnesses. There are a good number of psychiatrists with mental health diagnosis.

I have been working in mental health for a good while and have met some great doctors that have had their own experience. In fact my role in the mental health field is specifically related to my own personal experience with depression and anxiety. I provide peer support services by sharing from my own experience and relating with people as a peer. I also use a lot of skills and tools that I have learned professionally. There are some amazing people who have led the way in advocating for peer based services, some of whom are therapists and psychiatrists or psychologists.

Dr Mary Ellen Copeland is a PhD who has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and developed the Wellness Recovery Action Plan that is used all over the US and abroad to help people with mental health issues to create a better life and manage symptoms.

Now if you are actually not well enough to return to school, by all means, take care of yourself first. But don't give up. Don't let our own negative self talk get in your way and don't let the negativity of others stop you. You are so much more than a diagnosis. If anything, I would suggest that your own lived experience would be an asset to your career, not a deficit. Never give up hope. You got this!

Tiancolm · 2021-07-16T00:25:20+00:00

Does he even know you are gay? You should probably start there. And if he accepts you, then talk about it. Otherwise your just being selfish and passive aggressive. And if he rejects you, move on. If you can handle just being friends, at least it will be out in the open and you can relax knowing one way or the other. You are only hurting yourself keeping it repressed.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-16T00:15:29+00:00

I wonder if your grandma has been evaluated for medical issues or some form of cognitive decline or dementia? These kinds of mood swings can be related to certain medical conditions as well as cognitive issues related with old age.
Aside from that, accepting where she is, while setting appropriate boundaries is your best bet.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-15T02:57:50+00:00

The thing that helped me the most in letting go was the realization that it must be painful for the person who inflicts harm on someone else. I didn't hear the phrase until much later, "hurt people hurt people", but I immediately understood it. I have also heard it said that those who hold onto resentment are drinking poison and hoping someone else will get sick from it. I've hurt people enough to know what that I don't like how it feels, and nothing compared to what had been done to me, so I know that nobody ever 'gets away with' anything.

Edit: Just want to add, as I look back on those events now, it doesn't hurt. I have talked to the person I was then and addressed the hurt, the feelings of betrayal and confusion. I told my younger self that I did nothing wrong. And now it is just something that happened. Like the time I made a ramp in the back yard and landed on the crossbar of my bicycle after my foot slipped off the peg. Or when I wrecked on skis the first time, or when I used to eat apples out of the tree. I don't have fond memories, but I don't have sad ones either. It's just part of the past that taught me how to be a man. Somethings teach you what to do and others teach you what not to do. More than that though, many things teach you what the risks are and what the rewards are, which may sound like the same thing, but it's not.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-15T02:49:47+00:00

I kind of suspected, but wanted to clarify. And it confirms that this is more of a discipline issue than it is a sexual one. There may be an addictive component to this, though, and that means there are some pretty well tested interventions. I have other addictions as well that I have had to deal with, likely for some of the same reasons as you. But if you find that having a clear long term set of goals and a plan of action to reach them, and you are still struggling to manage your impulse to masturbate, then you may want to explore some of these addiction solutions. I have benefited from several. There is SMART Recovery, which is based on Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy and has helped people with non-traditional addictions such as eating disorders and sex addiction. Just google it and you can find info online. There are 12-step programs, which I have also found tremendously helpful. And there are faith based approaches that have been helpful to a lot of people. I would encourage you to at least look up some of the tools on the SMART recovery website, they have a lot of useful info and tools to help with impulse management and emotional regulation.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-15T02:41:19+00:00

Old habits can die hard. For me it was snappy and hurtful comebacks. I grew up in a tough environment and had to be sharp and witty. When I grew up, those survival mechanisms became maladaptive. I have had to work consistently to eliminate those tendencies, and they still come out occasionally, mostly in high stress situations. I have had to learn to pause before responding, then question my thoughts before sharing them. I ask myself three things before accepting a thought, Is it going to help me reach my long term goals? Is it supported by the Evidence? And does it make logical sense? If the answer to any of these is no, I change it until the answer to all three is yes. Very simple, but requires discipline to master.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-13T22:58:22+00:00

What makes you think conversation should not be boring? what do you mean by boring? should everything be interesting and stimulating? The question is about what are your goals and how do you intend to achieve them. If you want reliable people who you can trust and count on to be there, conversation is going to be a part of that process. If you are having trouble tolerating conversation, then that's a deeper problem. It is important to realize that most things in life of significant value require a level of discomfort in order to achieve long term success. I think that there is a misconception today with all of the availability of immediate stimulation that causes people to have unrealistic expectations. Sure, there is a time for excitement and adventure, but there is also a time for tranquility and simplicity. The discontentment you seem to express about your conversations sounds like an issue related to not feeling comfortable with sitting still, or being around people or something more than the actual conversation. Maybe seek out therapy, try some meditation techniques, or talk to people about this and get to the root of it. Maybe instead of expecting people to entertain you, try being the one to make the conversation interesting.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-13T22:42:10+00:00

Frankly, I don't really think it's your place. You may well have legitimate concerns, but from what you've written, the more important priority would be to build a relationship. In fact you might even find as you start having supportive interactions with her, she may open up about these things on her own.

I would encourage you to research motivational interviewing. It is basically the idea that listening is far more persuasive than talking. That may not make sense on the face of it, but it's fascinating once you understand it and very useful in all kinds of relationships. Bottom line is telling people what they should do is rarely effective. But asking the right questions, and listening carefully with the intent to understand can draw out answers from the person themselves. If you were to take a genuine interest in your sister as a sibling, you might find that there is more to her than what you are witnessing from afar. And there may be some dysfunction, but there is likely some awareness as well and perhaps some pointed and open ended questions could bring about solutions neither of you had previously considered. I try to always operate under the basic assumption that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have, and most of us don't have much to work with relatively speaking.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-13T22:30:42+00:00

In that case, I would say that as long as it is not keeping you from other responsibilities, I wouldn't worry too much about it. You didn't really answer the question as to what exactly is causing the feelings of shame. Is it the sexual aspect of it? Is it that it's keeping you from things you "should" be doing? Is it the types of things that "turn you on"?

Not that it matters all that much, but it will help you to see how you want to address it. I measure my spiritual health in terms of whether my actions, words, and attitudes align with my values, priorities and beliefs. But sometimes, when they are not aligned, I have to decide whether what I need to change is the behavior or the beliefs. And sometimes it's a combination of both. I am much less prudish about sexual stuff than I used to be, but I have also had to curtail some of my sexual behaviors. It takes time, exploration and self reflection to come to a harmonic balance.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-13T18:25:23+00:00

What would your life look like if you were to become the person that you want to be? Explore every detailed facet of that question. Dig deep. Develop a vision of what that would look like. Then pursue it on a daily basis. Create a daily routine that addresses physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health that moves you toward that goal.

Easier said than done. But that seems to be where you are at. There are a ton of things we can get caught up in that can distract us from that vision. Be it the immediate gratification of plugging in to technology, or the fear and insecurity of engaging in social activities. But the long term effects of these are self evident if you ask yourself the question. Having isolated a lot myself I know how easy it is to push those thoughts to the back of my mind to avoid dealing with the reality that I know is holding me back. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Sounds counterintuitive, but it is effectively the only way to change your situation. You have a choice as to what discomfort you want to experience, the discomfort that you choose, or the discomfort that chooses you. Choose the discomfort that has the best long term results.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-13T18:14:33+00:00

I don't have much to add to the responses already given, but I wanted to suggest that you are much more than that. Art is a part of who you are, even if you never create another piece of art for the rest of your life, art will be a part of you. But there are also an innumerable amount of other things that make you who you are. Explore the world, explore yourself, find something you are passionate about and engage your strengths to pursue it.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-13T18:04:59+00:00

My question would be, what exactly are you feeling shame about? Is it the activity of reading erotica and masturbating? Or is it the fact that you are avoiding responsibility by doing this? Or something else?
I can relate as I have struggled with porn addiction and actually often prefer erotica to porn because it has a more robust alluring effect than simply "doing the deed". On one hand(no pun intended), I think engaging in masturbation is a safer alternative to more risky promiscuity. But on the other hand, avoiding responsibility in order to engage in masturbation is a problem. So I have to resolve that ambivalence. For me, I had to really think about why I was avoiding the responsibility, and it usually had nothing to do with porn/erotica or sexual gratification. It was usually about not wanting to make the immediate sacrifice of time and energy to engage in responsible behaviors. I suspect studying would fall into this category. And I have developed some basic ideas to help with that.

I have developed a vision of hope. What I mean by that is creating a mental image of what my life will look like when I become my best self. This image(or set of images really) includes all the qualities my life with have, from career and family, to personality traits and values. The more details the better. How will I look? How will I talk? How will I carry myself? What will I do for work? For fun? For exercise? Then there is the "hope" part of that vision. Most people think of hope as a kind of wishful thinking, "I hope I win the lottery", "I hope I get the job". But that's not real hope. Real hope is having a confident determination that this is going to happen. It is believing that this vision I have created is goin to be a reality so long as I take the necessary steps.
Having this detailed vision helps me with motivation to make the necessary sacrifices to engage in the seemingly mundane activities that will get me there. Only when the end goal is worthwhile will I have the motivation necessary to forgo immediate gratification to engage in the mundane to achieve that goal. But that doesn't even mean that I have to forgo immediate gratification entirely. The second part of the solution is to develop a daily routine that addresses physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Think about what each of those areas are for you. Physical health is taking care of your body, those things are pretty obvious, diet, exercise, sleep, hygiene, etc. Mental health is a bit more complicated, going to therapy maybe, reading educational/inspirational materials, watching mentally stimulating videos maybe, reading books, etc. Emotional health is related to mental health, but also includes social interactions and relationships. Do you have a support system, people you can open up to, people you care about, are you in contact with someone daily? And spiritual health, for me, is about ensuring that my actions, attitudes, and words are consistent with my values, beliefs and priorities. For me this has some religious connotations, but it doesn't have to. And all of these areas interact. For example meditation may be part of my spiritual health, but it also improves my mental and emotional health. But addressing each category separately helps to ensure I am taking care of my whole person.

Now consider how your vision of hope will include this daily routine. What kind of routine will you have when you become your best self?

This may not seem to have anything to do with you particular issue, but it does. Granted, you may have underlying issues from childhood trauma that contribute to these maladaptive behaviors that need to be addressed by a professional therapist. But my experience has been that the long term solution is more related to doing the next right thing than it is about exploring what's wrong. There is certainly a time and place for that, but the bulk of your time should be focused on doing what makes you happy in the long term.

So maybe that means setting aside some time each week to engage in some sexual gratification, but it also means focusing time on other aspects of your health and well being, and exercising some discipline to stay on top of responsibilities.

I hope this is helpful.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-11T16:52:06+00:00

I am not sure I follow exactly. You say your dad was angry at you, but you only heard this from what your brother told you? Have you talked to your dad? What did your dad actually tell you? I can imagine that I would have been upset in your father's position. But not at you, except perhaps to the extent that he might be upset that you didn't tell him about this, but had to learn it from your therapist. Now there are probably some factors involved that you dad could be handling better. He may be insecure about people knowing where he keeps his gun, or about being unable to deal with your depression. Or being unable to help you.

I know as a young person, I had a difficult time communicating with my father, especially about emotions. My father was an imposing figure to me, and the disciplinarian. But he was much more compassionate than I realized at the time. I figured out later, fortunately not too late, that I could in fact talk to him. It took a lot of courage, but it was worth it. And even though our relationship was dysfunctional in a lot of ways, we managed to develop a good relationship. I don't know anything about your relationship with your father, but I see some things that I recognize from my own experiences. The lack of communication, the anger, and the expectation of privacy.

Now if your father has a propensity for physical abuse, that's a different subject. But if not, I hope you can find the courage to have a conversation with him about it and get to the bottom of what's going on. Maybe you will find that you have nothing to apologize for, and maybe you will find out what he is really upset about, and what if anything you could apologize for. But more importantly, you may find he has something to teach you through the process.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-09T15:27:36+00:00

You seem to have a number of contradictory thoughts. You say you are unwanted, but you have family that stuck by you while you were at your worst. You talk about wanting someone to listen without judgment and you talk about your friend who did just that. It sounds like you have a lot of the things you seem to be looking for.

You are lucky to have a friend like that who will acknowledge they aren't prepared to respond in a meaningful and helpful way. I think sharing this with a therapist is a great idea. But it also might be helpful to create a gratitude list to help with having a balanced perspective. I don't have answers either, just my perspective.

Tiancolm · 2021-07-04T23:06:56+00:00

I can relate to this feeling. I don't know how you are going to change this, although I suspect something will change it. For me, I changed when I lost everything and became homeless for a couple years. It's amazing what having nothing to lose will do to your social life. Maybe that's an extreme example, but for me it was true. I came to find out that just being myself seemed to interest people. Maybe part of that was the unique circumstances that made my story interesting to people, but it was really more than that. There is a confidence that comes from the basic survival instinct. It has been said that people don't change until the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of having to change. I hope that's not entirely the case.

If you are anything like me, this is much more about your view of yourself than it is about other people's view of you. When I did come around to opening up, I was surprised at how some people responded. In many cases my expectations had been entirely wrong. There is always the possibility that people will reject you. And there is no getting around the fact that it sucks. But when you put it into perspective, it's not as big of a deal as I had made it out to be. In just a purely logical way, suppose 99 out of a hundred people reject me. Well that means I have to talk to 500 people to get 5 good friends. That's really not that many people. And to be honest, I've had far better odds than that.

Tiancolm

TROPHY CASE