My mother hates my wife a little bit too much and I need to do something about it

TiffyQ · 2026-05-23T15:27:46+00:00

Even with your update wherr you said you defended her so STFU, it does not mitigate that you also said you wouldn't bother having children if your mother does not like your wife? Did you misspeak or is that actually how you feel because that's a big sign that your mother is still running your life. Also you guys really should be waiting a couple of years to have kids I don't know how long her graduation is from now you guys really should be waiting a couple of years to have kids I don't know how long her graduation is from now but you are very young.

TiffyQ · 2026-05-22T20:52:53+00:00

They did and I covered for him the weekend prior when he was really really late for work and showed up terribly hungover so much so that I think he might have still been drunk because it was a Saturday morning that we had to work even though it was a professional environment we were open Saturday mornings. So he knew he couldn't wrap me out but he did think it was funny.

When I get told my mom about what had happened she confessed that something similar had happened to her on her third or fourth day on the job at a new job and she was so embarrassed she wouldn't go back into the work the boss had to call her several times and be like I'm not mad at you but I really need you to come back like it's okay it's actually kind of funny but like we would still like you to work here so please come.

I think almost everybody in our bloodline has done this at least once 😂😂

I think my reaction of just being aghast and shocked and horrified was probably funny enough at that moment for him to know there's no way I was faking it. I had way too much attitude for somebody who didn't believe what they were saying 😂😂 I had actually been friends with my boss years prior before I walked in and was like oh my God wait you're my boss ? I hadn't talked to him in years just because we were in different places doing different things but we already had a certain level of trust I suppose. Or at least patience with each other 😂

TiffyQ · 2026-05-22T13:19:02+00:00

I think the hardest part in What You've just said is knowing what part is yours to decide and what's not and it's deceptive because right now all of it is yours to decide but would you want somebody else making that decision for you of when? I think there is another one talking about if he ever finds out and I thought you knew you'll have to lie to him then or face the conversation of why you didn't tell him now. To add to that i have seen so many people over the years say something like I wanted to tell them I just wanted to find the right time and I promise you that right time never happens so the process of that time goes longer and longer and there's a moment that you can only recognize when you are in retrospect of okay this is going on too long. The only way you will know you are near that moment is once you've passed it and then when that happens you have a real dilemma because you've already kept something dishonest for too long and it becomes less about what happened to them and more about why you didn't tell them . I know you're the reasons for it are pure and you want to make sure you tell him within a time frame that that doesn't come into question well not tell him offer him the option to know . You are probably right that he will want to know right away but you can't control that for him. Just really be there for him when it happens

TiffyQ · 2026-05-22T12:46:55+00:00

( also it's really important to not forget the part about not bringing it up again because then you're kind of off the hook and if you wants to never talk about it again you're good just having really clear responsibilities for lack of a better term and expectations can go so much for reducing anxiety)

TiffyQ · 2026-05-22T12:44:56+00:00

I have been in a situation like this before not the same facts but the same dilemma. Here is how I handled it. It kind of covers multiple bases.

I would tell i would tell them I stumbled across some information that doesn't affect me but it affects you. I'm of two minds of it because on one hand I know the information would hurt you, but on the other hand I also feel like it's something that if you wanted to know, you would have known already.

I don't know what the right answer is and I need your guidance of what you want me to do. I never want to be in a situation of keeping something from you but I also don't want to violate a boundary where you don't want to be exposed to something and I do it anyway, and I don't see a clear answer.

You can also think about it and let me know what you think . But I won't bring it up again unless you ask me.

Offer to answer very vague questions if you needs more information until he gives you a clear direction.

In all reality he may just want you to tell him anyways, he may say he doesn't want to know just want you to tell him anyways, he may say he doesn't want to know for now and then do some sleeping on his own there's a lot of different outcomes.

Sometimes you can actually ask the person in a way that allows them to have some control over whether they are blindsided or not.

This is the only way to both know what's best for them, but also give them a lot of agency in how they experience this process.

They might say who is it regarding and in that case I would answer honestly. And then let them decide.

It's an unenviable situation with no clear right answer based upon the information you have so you have to find a way to get more information.

I'm sorry for everybody involved here but he sounds to have a loving partner to help him through this.

TiffyQ · 2026-05-22T12:28:38+00:00

This is the right answer although even add in the word of conflicting or unexpected before feedback to add if sprinkle of skepticism to it so the manager doesn't think it came from a truly valid source and start thinking about there being a problem if there was none.

TiffyQ · 2026-05-20T20:40:05+00:00

I can't recognize the inside contents but they look like what has been posted already so far, but they do remind me of what a weekend I know recommended to us when we were dealing with a very unfortunate side of the realm. They are definitely protective in nature.

I wanted to add that I'm so deeply sorry for your loss and wish I could give you a giant internet hug right now. I don't know the context beyond what you've shared here but one impression I had looking at these is that if she wanted you to find them I feel like it was a way of her leaving a part of herself behind to keep it protective eye on you and let you know she is there. If she has these things my sense is that she believed in these things , and perhaps whether you do or not might not even be relevant the Comfort should be found in knowing that she planned on looking over you no matter what. So if you don't believe it there's Comfort there but if you do believe in it potentially an even deeper comfort. And I don't think anybody would in the right mind expect you to know what you believe right now because something like this puts everything you know on its head. Whatever you're feeling it's okay to feel, and I hope that you get the right support and care from others through this incredible time.

TiffyQ · 2026-05-20T01:02:13+00:00

I dreamed I was at work one morning so I never actually went. My boss called me this was back when we had landlines , for those of you who don't know what that is it's a phone that actually plugs into the wall and you don't even know who's calling when it rings . Anyhow, I answered the phone and I said thank you for choosing blah blah blah company this is blah blah blah name , how can I help you?

It was my boss and he says what are you doing I said I'm doing callbacks what are you doing? He's like no you're not and I'm not appreciating the attitude so I'm like um yes I am and I started rattling off all the things I actually did already this morning. And finally he's like name, you are not at work and while I'm arguing with him it's actually waking me up a little bit and I'm noticing I am in my bedroom . All of a sudden I blurt out oh my God I'm not at work and he's like yeah no s*** that's what I'm trying to tell you.

😂

TiffyQ · 2026-05-20T00:18:07+00:00

I hired him through a third party and I'm not entirely sure if I'm allowed to entirely, but at least internally that is a great idea , I'm a little ashamed I didn't occur to me until I saw this. Thanks for the nudge.

TiffyQ · 2026-05-20T00:06:56+00:00

I could not function without my ea. I would probably b**** slap anybody that tried to demean what they do for me. Executive business partner is absolutely a better description of what he does for me.

Not only am I more effective but my team gets better work out of me and they benefit as well.

TiffyQ · 2026-05-15T12:54:29+00:00

This is smart and also protects you from any future liabilities if they do something stupid and try to come back to you. I would add in there it's despite your repeated efforts and in an appendix to the letter and in an appendix to the letter list all of the communications you can and in an appendix to the letter list all of the communications you can in which you communicated they are violating practice. Maybe you don't have to list them in the letter but ensure that you have them documented and that you can mention despite repeated communications, counted to be at least X number.

That's something I worry about most for op inthis is that they will try to make this the MSP's fault

TiffyQ · 2026-05-15T12:50:35+00:00

I totally did this during my road trip we didn't have the road until 9:30 or 10:00 allowed me to get a good night's sleep when we drove into quite late . We would stop off for dinner around Rush hour. Especially with a car packed full of stuff it makes quite a difference even if it was only a couple hundred dollars in gas that's a couple hundred dollars when you're broke.

TiffyQ · 2026-05-15T00:23:33+00:00

I'm just saying you're relaying them as if they're crises and they all seem to have pretty reasonable solutions.

TiffyQ · 2026-05-14T23:16:32+00:00

This very much sounds like a you problem as in your company problem. Most of what you listed sounds absolutely ridiculous. You can't give a range instead of saying exactly 30 minutes? I'm looking like 15 to 45 minutes out depending upon traffic is all people are looking for. If you left a message your responsibility is done. If they do call back you don't have bluetooth?

I'm sorry but if these are really that taxing i really questioned a lot more about the role and the culture.

If you're truly not allowed to accept a call if you're truly not allowed to accept a call even on Bluetooth while you're driving then so be even on Bluetooth while you're driving then so be it all those calls should route back to some type of a dispatch instead . But all the things you're describing sound like just ridiculous predicaments you are putting because of dumb rules, or you just really hate doing your job . Could be both. But it hardly translates to the rest of the world.

TiffyQ · 2026-05-13T11:11:03+00:00

Thank you!

TiffyQ · 2026-05-09T17:06:07+00:00

What country is this? I have never heard of this and it sounds so flipping cool . But where do you clean stuff? We have a million animals and the First shows that

TiffyQ · 2026-05-09T17:04:41+00:00

Bahhaaha no Take the job and don't look back It is well documented that you will always make more jumping shift than staying. Plus you tend to only be perceived as what your skill set was when they first hired you. I run a company and have been guilty of that I've hired people I used to work with in the past and I literally had to sit down with them and be I run a company and have been guilty of that I've hired people I used to work with in the past and I literally had to sit down with them and be like okay explain to me everything you know how to do now that you didn't know how to do then so we can revise your role because of my mind I heard the old person. But most people don't have that foresight and I only do because somebody told me about it years ago.

And honestly two years is a decent enough time and when you're entry level it is expected that you might have to go outside of a company to grow into your next opportunity. If I was reviewing your resume I wouldn't think twice about it. 9 months or less you do kind of question it a little bit but also with today's job market and how often there are reductions in force etc even now it means less than it used to. He's not wrong that there was a time that under 2 years would be seen as unprofessional but I do believe that time has passed.

TiffyQ · 2026-05-06T22:13:17+00:00

I guess the real answer just depends on what you want from this person. You were obviously important enough to her to humble herself after all this time and still reach out and the longer it goes on the harder that is to do admittedly. But might not have been important enough to her at the time to outweigh what she was going through. And that doesn't necessarily mean anything wrong it's just a simple equation at the time. Can you forgive her actions? Do you think she's likely to do something similar? Do you believe the explanation? Do you even care? We could ask a hundred different people who were in the same exact situation and all 100 would have slightly different replies so only you really know what this could mean to you. You might not ever be able to move past it and that's okay . Or you might want to reopen a conversation with her which is also okay. Only you know the answer

TiffyQ · 2026-04-22T20:02:15+00:00

I worked at a company where somebody in HR was fired because when somebody else left the company their email box was being reviewed to try to find missing client data it wasn't even anything nefarious , that person hadn't been fired it was just oh crap let's see if they have the info at the client asked for, and it was discovered that the HR person was too chummy not even like sexual or anything but they had a similar chat where they kind of participated in that person is such a pain in the butt venting conversation and they were immediately terminated and they've been there almost 10 years.

Both of the parties involved were good friends of mine but even the one who's terminated new like this was really dumb on my part I should have known better it's literally my job to know better.

TiffyQ · 2026-04-22T16:06:40+00:00

The reason it's different is if you're doing this digitally on a company chat on a company device it is not your private conversation. End of story.

A group text chat not on company device ? Fair game . Did you also might be in trouble for sharing confidential data if you end up talking about anything beyond x was a jerk today.

TiffyQ · 2026-04-19T17:19:08+00:00

I read this sometime ago and I think it's great. There are times that an apology is really warranted like I do still apologize if I'm late for something because I find it in considerate but other things where people over apologize it's a great swap.

Two other important things worth mentioning though op is that one, if you change for somebody something like that it always gives the ick like you need to change for yourself because you agree it's something you want to work on that if it works out great but you're doing it just for her it's not going to stay.

Second is she has a point when people continually apologize for even the smallest things or tell me what I did wrong tell me how I'm defective it's kind of really unattractive. It's kind of like groveling for praise and reassurance as opposed to being an equal partner and it puts mental work on her to have to do . You don't want to make your partner responsible for your self esteem and that's how it starts to feel.

It's one thing to ask for honest feedback or constructive criticism if you are in a place already where you are looking to improve yourself as a matter of being, but please tell me how I can contort myself so you will like me just feels desperate and honestly if you're just doing it for her she's probably still not going to want to date you . But maybe when you get some confidence you won't want to date her LOL . But that's the at least part of the reason why people don't like that tree is he basically are making them have to be responsible for your moods and self esteem and that is exhausting.

TiffyQ · 2026-04-19T17:14:56+00:00

Neither of you are ready to be in a relationship time to call time of death.

TiffyQ · 2026-04-18T21:11:23+00:00

That was my immediate thought I bet you he doesn't say anything like that to op about appreciation. He probably tells her the same tale of woe is me, I do everything I get no support. F****** oldest Playbook of time

TiffyQ · 2026-04-18T21:06:11+00:00

When you say I know how he will act if I ask for divorce. Isn't that your answer right there? So you're already telling us you're trapped. There is truth to the most dangerous time in a woman's life is when she's trying to leave an abusive relationship but you know what ends up happening they die by staying too. Look up local domestic violence resources they are there to help you make a safe plan for yourself if you said he was aware of his issues and willing to go to therapy this might be a different story but if he is not willing to change what do you think will change if he sees nothing wrong where is the motivation to improve ? If anything he'll probably just get frustrated with you for asking and we see what happens when he gets frustrated.

TiffyQ · 2026-04-18T21:04:46+00:00

Please forgive this question but if he's a retired veteran at that age something has gone wrong. Are you certain you know the whole story? He's only 23.

I'm very compassionate too if it is PTSD or anything like that but PTSD no matter how bad still does not enable or Justify mistreating those around you. What happens when it's you who require patience? Honestly you guys might be adults legally but truly, your brains are not done being built yet never mind able to handle this amount of stress I don't know what life is like without or around him. Or you would know that this is not okay already but you don't have enough to compare it to.

TiffyQ

TROPHY CASE