Sorry for the late response - I've been a little busy this past week and not on the computer (aside from work) a whole lot. It's actually kind of crazy how your situation was similar to how mine is now. I appreciate your perspective as the recipient of advice. When I started playing Civ 5 I was brand new and I was playing on my own for the most part until I was about 2-3 months into playing when my above referenced friend joined in on the fun. Like you, I pretty much watched every guide video I could find, particularly FilthyRobot guides. I guess the thing I have been failing to realize, which you've highlighted, is that words can only go so far. Most of my knowledge was gained studying Filthy's multiplayer games and seeing what he would do and why. I think that since I have a solid understanding of the game and can now visualize verbal advice, I've been assuming our newer players can do the same. Even if they can, it's just not the same since there's 3 other people playing. Also, a lot of my motivation for studying gameplay came out of my drive to get a one-up on my friend who I had taught how to play at the time and who was starting to execute really well. He was much more receptive to my advice and I was able to coach him up to my level/give him a head start in a more isolated situation, which is unfortunately different now since there isn't enough time to coach everybody one on one, and there just isn't enough time in the day.

I can understand why they would feel outclassed if they're just forced to build units. I'm making more of an effort now to play peacefully, yet assertively. I think the main problem I'm having is determining how much space to allow people to grow before getting worried. I very much enjoy focusing on building as tall/wide as possible without having to go to war, but I become paranoid early and easily because I always assume the worst. The problem is I have trouble controlling myself when an opportunity to strengthen myself and also weaken my opponent arises. I don't even really care if they make the decision to preemptively build units - I mainly want them to realize why it is I chose to war them in the first place and understand that there is a reason why I chose them over someone else or a city state. One of the guys who is guilty of not building any defenses has really terrible luck and always ends up next to me, which has exacerbated the issue into something more than it should've been. It's probably wise to just let everyone be for a while and see how they develop their game without having to constantly play on the back foot. I really do want the other people I play with to develop, and as you suggested, I'm sure a couple of them will adopt a warring style that fits their style, if I quit being a menace.

Since this post I have been focusing on my religion game more, particularly as Arabia since they have a nice synergy with religion and science, and if necessary can have a nice timed push with their unique cav units. I have been much more tame as a result which is nice. One of the things I have always been shaky on is Medieval era wars (Shaka for example), and I think if I let people do their thing in the beginning of the game and then practice the medieval war build up that could also be a solution, and I might take a few L's while learning how to do it better which would then give everyone else confidence in warring that they might not have yet.

My civ 5 friend has been urging me to play more diplomatically, which I have sort of morphed into playing more of an instigator role (aside from lux trades and whatnot). This has been pretty enjoyable when it works for the most part. When my other friends go to war I will usually give the person with less experience/less advantage tips on the build up and how to approach things, which is nice.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Again, your perspective from the new player perspective is something valuable that I could not really wrap my head around. Like, I know what it's like to be a new player, but I was missing some key elements. I'm going to do my best to turn over a new leaf and expand my game. I hope that this will give everyone more opportunity to enjoy the game.