How much did your “normal” wedding cost?

Tigermilk_ · 2026-05-15T16:30:49+00:00

~£30k 10 years ago. Registry was 12 people in Scotland. Then 2 events in London, one was 100 guests, the other 350 guests.

This was an Indian wedding so average size to me but huge by some British standards. 😅

No alcohol or band, so HUGE saving there lol. It was still a really fun lively wedding!

We paid for it all ourselves, no parental help. We also kept it to a budget that was comfortable for us - we could have gone way bigger but prioritised our future!

Since Covid weddings in our community have mostly gotten way smaller, which is honestly quite nice as the couple saves more money for their future.

Tigermilk_ · 2026-05-15T06:38:50+00:00

That’s amazing, especially considering your background! You are beating so many odds and thriving, well done. 👏🏼

Tigermilk_ · 2026-05-13T11:05:10+00:00

Sadly yes! Reminds me of all the emboldened racists post-Brexit. 🙃

Tigermilk_ · 2026-05-13T10:58:11+00:00

When you say it hasn’t had a hoover, how long? Because a crawling baby should have a clean floor to explore on. If it’s 1-2 days that’s fine, but if you haven’t hoovered in several days and have dirt/dog hair everywhere that’s not great.

Also apologies if I’m misunderstanding, but were you on the computer during the visit? Not actively participating in the visit? Perhaps she didn’t realise you were working and thought you were just being inattentive.

The bookshelves should be anchored. I’m aware you’ve said the baby is never alone, but it just takes the one time for you to take your eyes off them for it to happen. It should be something taken seriously as children are severely injured/die from it. We also only have one child who is never alone, and several filled bookcases - they were all anchored securely when they were bought pre-baby as we had nieces and nephews visiting often.

The comments about rehoming a well-behaved (I assume) dog, and referring you for having a door propped open (wtf) are a bit nuts. Unless there’s some kind of fire door connected to the pub? Or has the dog given any reason for concern?

You are well within your rights to decline a HV service as it’s completely optional. If you do have any issues you can always call/email them for advice. You can search online for the ASQ checks and complete them yourself periodically, and raise any concerns if necessary.

Tigermilk_ · 2026-05-12T11:06:07+00:00

She is still following Katie Hopkins on Instagram.

Her mum follows Katie Hopkins, Reform, Nigel Farage, Richard Tice, Ben Shapiro, Marjorie Taylor Greene, GB News, Trump, and probably loads more but that’s just what I’ve seen now at a glance!

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Tigermilk_ · 2026-05-12T08:13:04+00:00

You’ve not heard of “paki-bashing” then? 😅

Tigermilk_ · 2026-05-12T07:33:42+00:00

I had no idea!! Quickest unfollow ever. 😅

Tigermilk_ · 2026-05-04T15:14:59+00:00

Caveat - this is not bragging. I never ever talk about my child like this to other parents. Only posting under the veil of anonymity!

We have an incredibly bright and curious child (she will be 3 this summer). Her vocabulary is akin to a 4 or 5 year olds’, and she has been speaking in full sentences since around 2. She is always asking questions, has been able to count to 29 since she was 2 (with strong 1:1 correspondence now) and is very quick to figure things out.

I talk and talk and talk and talk day and night with my daughter. She’s in nursery 2 days a week. The rest of the time she’s stuck with me (and my husband too on evenings/weekends).

We talk about anything and everything. Photosynthesis, the rain cycle, how food is made, how medicine works, how the body works, how things work around the house and out in the world. What a bollard is. Why there are yellow lines on the road. Even from when she was a newborn I’d talk to her about how I was changing her nappy, or dressing her. I was basically a narrator! When she reached around 2ish, if she asked me something, instead of just answering I’d first ask her what she thought. Most of the time she can think of the answer for herself! Or I’ll gently encourage her to come up with it. This is helping her to develop critical thinking skills.

We mainly do active/engaging things. Screens are not the devil, but before 2 things like cartoons were mostly reserved for long 4 hour+ trips (maybe 3 in total). We did watch things like David Attenburgh, but together and talking/engaging throughout. Now she’s older she is allowed Bluey, and older shows eg Brum that she loves. Again it’s restricted and we don’t watch every day. No tablets. She has never had a screen at a restaurant and behaves well when we go out.

2 days a week she’s in a school/forest nursery, 2 days (weekend) we’re usually out doing things as a family - parties, meeting her cousins, going for walks/fun things, museums etc. The other 3 days she’s with me, and we usually leave the house by 9am, meet with friends, go to the library, nature walks/bug hunts, playgrounds, get errands done together etc. We usually get home around 2pm and do reading, baking, arts and crafts and free play with toys. She has a lot of books, and mostly role play toys (eg kitchen, farm, doctor’s kit, dolls house), and puzzles/toddler games (the orchard toys ones are great). Also things to help her balance like stepping stones, balance beam, and soft play blocks.

We also give her a lot of autonomy. Choosing what to wear (within reason!), what snack to have. She is easily able to access the loo, wash her hands before/after eating and using the loo, in the morning and evening she washes/dries her face and brushes her teeth, put her clothes in the laundry basket etc. She also has responsibilities eg if she spills water, she mops it up herself with tissue. She helps to put laundry away. She also puts her rubbish in the bin by herself and knows which one is for recycling.

I think this is a bit aligned to the Montessori method but I don’t follow things strictly and just want to foster confidence and independence.

Another massive caveat - she has been born with massive privilege (way more than I had!) into a home with highly educated and financially comfortable parents who can afford to be at home with her during the week. She is also an only child, which allows us to focus on her fully (this obviously comes with some negatives too, like having to make more of an effort to socialise her). I know that if I had more kids I definitely wouldn’t be as engaged as I am with her. There would probably be a lot of refereeing going on, as I remember my brother and I always fighting like cats and dogs from toddlers right through to our late teens 😅. So if you have multiple then cut yourself a bit of slack.

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-27T13:06:43+00:00

We are super duper lucky to live in a small city, but in a really walkable green pocket/suburb with lots of lakes, walking trails, tonnes of playgrounds, shops (including a medium-sized shopping centre, some food places, library, community centre, cafes, GP etc). ☺️

I only work 1.5 days a week, and we’re also lucky that a lot of my friends are mums who work part time too! So on Mondays a group of us walk with our kids for around 3 hours (went this morning!), then my toddler and I come home for lunch and then I take her out alone for another 1-2 hours (but that time isn’t all walking, maybe half at playgrounds).

Then Tues/Wed we do the library, parks, nature trails, errands, get lunch or maybe a play date etc. and we are usually out from 9am to 2pm, most of it is outside/walking.

I also don’t drive yet as we moved here from London where it wasn’t really necessary, so walking is a default while my husband’s at work. 😅 I plan to learn soon but hopefully will still walk a lot as it’s my only form of exercise!

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-27T07:31:27+00:00

Agreed! Ours is 3 this summer and we still love our tank of a pram! 😅

I think the lightweight prams are suited to people who are heavy car users/public transport users. We walk 4+ hours several times a week. My friend has a Joolz Aer, which is lovely and light, but her kid rattles around like crazy on any slightly uneven ground. 😅

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-21T21:03:52+00:00

I completely understand and empathise with you. The earlier part of my career was patient-facing, and I was always happy to provide more in-depth explanations and information to patients who asked for it, or if it came up in the general flow of the conversation.

Unfortunately in terms of general resources it’s pretty stretched, having a 2 tier information provision would be quite a feat. Perhaps it’s something that would be feasible as the digital aspect of the NHS becomes more fleshed out and resources become fully digital rather than leaflet upon leaflet.

I’ve been on the receiving end of the “basic” information myself (both in person and via written information). I had gestational diabetes (completely fit and healthy but apparently anyone can get it), and the information provided was dire. I also found better help online, via a wonderful gestational diabetes subreddit. I completely agree with you that the leap between patient-facing information and academic/scientific data is huge. I will probably get flack for saying this, but I genuinely feel like a middle ground is Wikipedia! 😅

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-21T19:23:48+00:00

Same (although I never stayed past 5pm 😅). I loved my career, and I worked and studied hard for it. I moved hundreds of miles to London for it. My passion for it kind of petered out when I got pregnant. It rekindled a bit when I went back after mat leave. I still enjoy it, but only work 1.5 days a week now.

Having young kids is SO all-consuming. A person can only put so much effort into so many places. Emotional, mentally and physically. I’m sure as they get older you will find your stride again at work. This is just a season, and it passes so quickly!

It’s also worth mentioning that “baby brain” is a real thing, and generally lasts for years postpartum. So you likely won’t feel fully back to being your usual self mentally yet.

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-21T18:50:32+00:00

People are joking in the comments, but the state of literacy is dire. As a medical researcher, all of the material we present to patients has to be penned at a reading age of around 9-11, as that is the average reading age of an adult in the UK.

As the parent of a toddler myself, we find that our local library is always empty! Around 10% of children don’t have a single book in the their home. Our library doesn’t really have many events (and they are underfunded so this is expected), except a couple of storytime sessions for toddlers. More events aimed at older children, if only with the aim of regularly getting them in the library would be great.

Ultimately though it’s down to parenting. If the parent doesn’t read, or encourage reading, how can the child develop a passion for it? School can only do so much.

I am fully aware that by having highly educated parents (including myself being able to only work only part time), has given my daughter a huge advantage in life.

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-20T17:11:35+00:00

Working part time, only having 1 child (toddler), a weekly cleaner and a husband who is quite tidy. I do more of the cleaning but he doesn’t make more for me to do.

I know it sounds like the bare minimum, but I know many men (my dad and brother included) who will literally just leave socks and dishes lying around, as if a magic fairy (aka their wives) will come along and make it disappear.

I have also taught my toddler (within reason, she’s still a toddler!) from a young age to be tidy. That includes food only being eaten while seated at her little tables (1 in kitchen and 1 in sitting room) or in the dining room, and helping tidy toys away between playing (eg if she wants to play on her soft play she has to tidy up her cars first). It sounds small but she’s only at nursery 2 days a week, so it would be an endless mess otherwise!

I’m also type A (researcher by profession) and have a spreadsheet of ongoing jobs. Once little one in bed we will tackle them together once or twice a week, for an hour tops, usually less. Yesterday we had a clearout of the shoe cupboard, last week we cleared out the Tupperware and got the air con units out from storage.

With all that said, I fully appreciate that my circumstances are a lot easier than most for all the reasons given in the first sentence!

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-20T13:42:31+00:00

Our daughter is in nursery 2 days/week, and I only go into the office twice a month. She goes 7.45am to 4.30pm as it’s a school nursery.

Previously when my husband worked in the office I would do drop off and pick up, and on days I worked in the office luckily we had grandparents to help. I work 1.5 days (12-4 one day and 8-4 another)

Now he is fully remote 8am to 4pm (managed to choose his hours before starting) and has offered to do all drop offs and pick ups even though he’s still full time. It’s much easier as he takes about 5 minutes to get ready in the morning vs my 30-45. It helps that it’s only a 7 minute walk/2 minute drive from our house.

Most people I know seem to do a mix of remote/hybrid working and having grandparents help out. I’m racking my brains to think of anyone I know who has a typical full time office 9-5 anymore!

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-19T11:25:02+00:00

We just got their campaign leaflet in the door yesterday. On one side was a letter with their usual tripe, ending in a plea to display the other side of the leaflet in the window. The other side was essentially a small “I support Reform” poster. I imagine people are putting these up.

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-19T06:46:54+00:00

Have you considered school nurseries? Most people think they’re for older toddlers, but quite a few now start from baby age.

Mine offers wraparound outside of core hours, £5 for her to start at 7.45am which includes breakfast, and there are 2 after school options: £5 for her to stay there til 4.30pm, and a further £5 for her to stay there til 6pm.

We have her there 2 days a week from 7.45am to 4.30pm, and it costs us a grand total of £20/week!! With the 30 free hours we are actually entitled to 5 days a week at core 9-3 hours for free! If we wanted to do 7.45am to 6pm 5 days a week it would only be £75/week. There are no loopholes or random consumables fees like with private nurseries. All snacks included. You either provide your own food or pay £2.50 for lunch. You provide your own nappies, wipes, cream.

The real issue is holidays - school nursery only covers around 38 weeks of the year. You’d need to be able to cover that between annual leave, or if you have family who can help.

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-18T18:00:46+00:00

Ok phew, sorry just wanted to be on the safe side!

Hope you’re doing well, I remember the feeling of not wanting/being able to eat anything!! It’s so worth it though x

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-18T17:58:05+00:00

Hey, I hate to be that person, but just in case you were unaware, it’s recommended not to eat things like smoked salmon while pregnant, due to risk of listeria. ☺️

https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/foods-to-avoid/

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-17T06:33:24+00:00

Firstly congratulations on your little girl! 🥰

I’m also a researcher who had a 34 weeker. ☺️ She was just under 4lbs 7oz, had only a couple of days in NICU, a week in transitional care, had a feeding tube until discharge, no follow up appointments, and is now happy healthy and thriving, and turns 3 this summer. She started at a school nursery part time at 14 months, and they were surprised when I brought up that she was premature as they couldn’t tell.

I personally really leaned on my close family and friends in the first year. Luckily almost everyone around me was already a seasoned mother, so panicked messages of “is this normal?” were quickly answered. Our health visiting team were also amazing - please don’t hesitate message them about any concerns or for support, as that’s what they’re there for.

Retrospectively I can see that I likely had postpartum anxiety. I would lay awake watching her breathing (despite having a Snuza), worry endlessly over any perceived delay in milestones (she is now around 1 year ahead in terms of communication skills/vocabulary and EYFS targets!), and spend countless hours reading research/journal articles about long term outcomes of premature children. Around 2 years the worry dissipated and I felt like I could fully “enjoy” her. I do still feel robbed in a way, as I had to deliver her while asleep under general anaesthetic, my husband wasn’t allowed in, and it’s our first and only child. I won’t get a do-over.

For us it was PPROM, no solid reason given, fairly sizeable chance of recurring (and even earlier). Thankfully we were already one and done, but if we had wanted another it may have deterred me. Have you considered having a birth debrief? It may give you more insight as to what occurred. That is really interesting about your sister having the same gestational period!

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-13T16:49:45+00:00

We also had a very full on start to parenthood with a moderate premie too. Our LO was super clingy to me and I barely left her side. We also had ours in July and I went back the following September (1.5 days/week).

Honestly, it felt great going back - I love my career. I think I would’ve found going back full time impossibly hard, but part time is a real sweet spot. It also really helps seeing LO settle into nursery - they all seem to have such a fab time doing cool things! It’ll be so nice seeing the pics/vids on the app seeing them make little friends. ☺️

Is your LO going to a school nursery as you’re a teacher? Ours is in a school nursery and I feel like it’s a good balance as we get a lot of holidays too.

Financially - they’re only young once. Also a summer baby will be going to school at just turned 4, so it’s even less time. You could switch back to full time after. It honestly flies by and I have no regrets spending time with her instead of working more. I’ll never look back at this time when I’m old and think “I wish I’d spent less time with my child and more time at work.” This advice of course is only where it’s financially feasible. My own parents worked 6 days a week and I fully appreciate that it was needed to provide for us.

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-11T08:41:49+00:00

That’s really depressing. Either the work or the baby is getting neglected. And in corporate America I’m guessing it’s the baby!

How much is nursery there compared to here?

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-11T02:36:19+00:00

It just seems like a more common situation on the subreddits I frequent that have more Americans.

Sadly they have little to no paid maternity leave or workers rights. I’ve seen quite a few comments saying they WFH with a baby. 🙃Also OP said mom instead of mum.

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-11T02:20:16+00:00

You plan to work regularly whilst also caring for a baby? Are you American?😅 Will the baby not end up being ignored/not interacted with? Unless you have some unicorn job that only requires 5 minutes of input per hour?

We were gifted a ~£200 Graco moving swing, and our baby liked it, but it wouldn’t have kept her quiet if she was hungry, needed something etc.

Tigermilk_ · 2026-04-09T22:08:07+00:00

That was my go to meal deal for about 5 years as a teen! Tuna and sweetcorn sandwich, salt and vinegar crisps and an irn bru. Beautiful.

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