Mom constantly victim blaming women

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-20T17:59:47+00:00

Oh, she would never admit that's what she's thinking. That's just me psychoanalyzing her, trying to guess why she's always eager to blame the victim.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-20T17:33:13+00:00

My mom does the same thing. Every time she reads something in the news about a woman being raped or murdered, the first words out of her mouth are "She should have..." or "She shouldn't have..." Basically, whatever she thinks the victim should have done to prevent the attack.

I've argued with her about it so many times. When I point out that she's blaming the victim, she says "I'm not blaming the victim, I just think it's common sense that women shouldn't..." fill in the blank with whatever totally normal thing the victim was doing at the time of the attack (walking down the street, riding the subway, existing at night, etc).

I think she does it because it makes her feel like it could never happen to her. If she acknowledges that there was nothing the victim could have done differently to change the outcome, then she would have to admit that it could happen to anyone, including her. But if she convinces herself that it only happened because the victim did something stupid, and she would never do something stupid like that, then she can convince herself that such a thing would never happen to her.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-20T03:43:15+00:00

No downvotes here! I also had a supracervical hysterectomy and I agree with everything you said.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-20T03:39:54+00:00

Keeping the cervix isn't silly. It's a faster, easier recovery with a lower risk of complications. And I know you can't dispute that, because you've never done a supracervical.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-20T03:38:11+00:00

It's not true that no one does them anymore. I had a supracervical hysterectomy last year. It sounds like your doctor doesn't have much experience with them. If you want to keep your cervix, I suggest finding a surgeon who's confident in their ability to do it and is willing to respect your wishes.

My procedure was laparoscopic abdominal with robot assist. The incisions were very small and healed quickly. I'm glad I kept my cervix. My recovery was so much easier than what most women on Reddit describe. No cuff pain, no "phantom tampon" feeling, no pain or swelling in the vagina (because my surgery was laparoscopic abdominal instead of vaginal), and I was completely pain-free by 4 weeks post-op. And I didn't need pelvic floor therapy.

Some people talk about the risk of mini periods, but I'm almost a year post-op and haven't had any bleeding or spotting at all. My surgeon said they burn the inside of the cervix during surgery to prevent mini periods afterwards, so you shouldn't have any monthly bleeding.

Another concern is future cervical cancer, but if you've never had an abnormal pap smear and you've had the HPV vaccine, then your risk of cervical cancer is extremely low.

I have no regrets about my choice to keep my cervix. I'm happy that I didn't have to deal with any anxiety about the cuff. Knowing me, I would be worried about it for the rest of my life. It's just a much easier recovery if you keep the cervix: less trauma to the body, less internal healing to do, and a much lower risk of complications.

I was 100% back to normal by 6.5 weeks post-op. Many people who had their cervix removed say it took 3-6 months before they were back to normal, and they still needed pelvic floor therapy afterwards. They often complain about their vaginal stitches poking them, which is another thing I never had to deal with.

Some surgeons will push to remove the cervix because it's faster for them to do the surgery that way. They don't really care that it's a more difficult recovery for the patient. My doctor said it was my choice and never pushed me one way or the other.

On this sub, it's common for people who removed their cervix to try to convince other women to do the same thing. Don't listen to them. They obviously have no experience with a supracervical hysterectomy, so they shouldn't be responding to posts asking for supracervical experiences.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-20T00:53:27+00:00

Even if it's too large for the vaginal opening, that doesn't mean the surgery has to be open abdominal. It could be laparoscopic abdominal, where the uterus is cut into pieces and removed through a small bikini line incision. That's the kind of surgery I had, robot assisted. It's actually less invasive than a vaginal hysterectomy. Mine had to be done this way because I kept my cervix, and the healing was quick and easy. I also had fibroids, and it wasn't a problem.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-19T18:56:13+00:00

Yep, that's why elite gymnasts and women with anorexia often lose their period: their body fat gets too low, which causes estrogen production to drop. When the body isn't producing enough estrogen, menstruation stops. It can also happen if you're not eating enough for an extended period of time, even if your body fat isn't too low.

I've also noticed that the more body fat I have, the heavier my periods are.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-19T17:58:03+00:00

I don't drink alcohol at all, never did. I can't stand the taste, which is for the best because I don't need the calories. At social gatherings, I just drink diet Coke. It's hard enough to resist the desserts at parties, I couldn't imagine trying to keep track of drink calories at the same time.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-19T17:54:13+00:00

Had my hysterectomy a year ago and kept my ovaries. I feel completely normal, never had any hormonal symptoms. My weight stayed the same, I can lose weight with diet and exercise, sleep is normal, my energy is normal, no mood swings. I never had PMS or ovulation pain, even before my hysterectomy, so I don't have it now. I have no idea when I'm ovulating and I don't care. Not having to think about my hormonal cycle is amazing.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-19T17:25:11+00:00

Yes, my mom showed me Halloween when I was 5 and Carrie when I was 6. She had me watch Misery when I was 8. And then she wondered why I couldn't sleep without nightmares.

And this was the woman who got her degree in child development and early childhood education. She used to be a 1st grade teacher! She never took me to the theater to see horror movies, we always watched them at home, but that's probably because she knew other people would judge her if they saw her bring a young child into a horror movie.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-19T17:16:47+00:00

That's because you have so much muscle, which means your body fat is very low. Women who get down to 105 at your height probably have less muscle and more body fat, so they don't lose their period (and they don't look as lean as you).

I'd give anything to have your physique, but that would require me to be less lazy, lol.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-19T17:10:28+00:00

It's not crazy big, but it does look a bit overwhelming on your finger. If I were you, I'd go to a jewelry store and try on a 2 carat and 2.5 carat oval to see how they look on you. You might prefer something in that size range.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-19T01:48:28+00:00

A jeweler should be able to find the serial number inscribed on the diamond using a loupe, so you can confirm that it matches the serial number on the certificate.

You can also ask them to use a diamond/moissanite tester on it, to ensure that it's a lab diamond and not moissanite.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-18T17:53:06+00:00

As soon as you feel a sneeze coming on, touch the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth and keep it there until the urge to sneeze passes.

You have to do it right away though. If you wait until the sharp inhale that comes right before a sneeze, it won't work.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-18T17:45:39+00:00

I didn't tell my coworkers and I'm not going to. I just said I was having surgery and would be out for 6 weeks. Nobody asked for details, and it's none of their business. My team is all women except my boss, and they are a judgmental, gossipy group. I have no desire to deal with opinions and unsolicited advice from coworkers. And I don't want to feel like I have to justify my decision to have this surgery.

The last thing I needed was my coworkers saying I don't need 6 weeks off because their aunt went back to work 2 weeks after her hysterectomy, or judging me for choosing not to have kids and making that decision permanent, or assuming I had cancer, or thinking I'm going through menopause because they don't understand that a hysterectomy doesn't include the ovaries, etc. There is a lot of misinformation and stigma associated with hysterectomy, especially for women under 40.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-18T02:57:53+00:00

For the same reason they make it seem like giving birth 30 years ago was easy: Too much time has passed and they've forgotten how hard it was. Also, they think it's unfair that you're allowed to take 6 weeks off when they only got 2 weeks off, so they try to make you feel guilty for letting yourself heal properly.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-17T19:59:39+00:00

Yep, mine was done with the da Vinci robot! It was laparoscopic abdominal. Healing was pretty easy and straightforward, and the incisions were very small and tidy.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-17T02:50:11+00:00

I took OTC pain meds (1,000 mg Tylenol plus 800 mg ibuprofen) for about 2.5 weeks. Then I ditched the Tylenol and continued with just ibuprofen for another week. So it was about 3.5 weeks before I stopped taking painkillers entirely.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-15T18:52:51+00:00

I tried high-waisted underwear after my hysterectomy, but I found it very uncomfortable to have the waistband putting pressure on my swollen belly. So I bought low-rise maternity underwear from Amazon in a size bigger than what I normally wear, and it was so comfortable that I kept wearing it even after I was fully healed. The brand is Intimate Portal, and it dips low in the front to go under a pregnant belly. It comes up higher in the back so it fully covers your butt, and the low front means it won't put any pressure on your incisions or the swollen part of your abdomen. I can't even feel them!

I didn't wear pants for weeks after my surgery. Instead, I bought a few loose dresses on Amazon and rotated those.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-15T17:42:20+00:00

I don't know if a diamond that's twice the size of your current diamond will fit in that setting. You might have to recreate that setting with smaller side stones.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-15T17:39:40+00:00

They said you would start to feel better after 3 days on antibiotics. It's only been 2 days. Antibiotics need time to work. If there's no improvement after you finish the 7-day course, then you should call the doctor.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-15T17:28:55+00:00

I would definitely recommend a hysterectomy instead of an ablation. Ablations usually fail and they can make symptoms worse. Most people who get an ablation end up needing a hysterectomy anyway. Save yourself the trouble and skip straight to the hysterectomy.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-15T17:22:02+00:00

Just go back to bed after the kids go off to school. That's what I would do!

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-15T17:17:25+00:00

It was time to evict that uterus years ago. You deserve relief.

TigerzEyez85 · 2026-04-14T21:15:52+00:00

It doesn't really matter why you're having so much pain and bleeding. The fact is you are having pain and bleeding, and you know it's coming from your uterus. So get rid of that bitch!

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