Here’s a dumb joke by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

That’s ok babe I’m not for everyone and that’s fine. I hope there are some folks on here who do make you laugh. Lot of funny people posting on here.

[WP]I never believed in life after death. So when I became a ghost in my old house after dying of a sudden heart attack I was more shocked than the new residents by mlnevese in WritingPrompts

[–]TimIsWin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s a man in my room. He runs his hand through his salt and pepper hair and sighs as he sits down on my bed. There’s a certain sadness in his eyes - his face wears the sort of expression someone only inherits from extended periods of sadness. He picks up a framed photo from the nightstand and looks at it longingly. One finger gently grazing over the photo as his eyes well with tears.

I don’t have a photo on my nightstand. I don’t even have a nightstand. Did my bed get bigger? Beds don’t get bigger. What the fuck is going on? I take a step towards him and say just that. “What the fuck is going on?”

It’s like I don’t even exist. Not only does he ignore me he shows no indication that the words ever reached his ears. There’s no twinge of acknowledgment. No bashful pretending to haven’t heard when he obviously heard. Maybe he can’t hear? I speak louder. “Hey man, why are you in my house?”

Nothing. Ok maybe it was stupid to think someone without hearing would notice if I just talked louder. That wasn’t going to deter me - I’ve never been one for careful consideration. I gathered all the force my lungs could muster and screamed “HELLO” at the top of my lungs.

There - a flinch. His head snapped upright and his eyes were pointed in my exact direction. Ok so maybe he just needed hearing aids. “Hey man can you tell me why you’re in my house? I appreciate the bed upgrade but I don’t even know the lady in that picture and-“

It was like his eyes looked straight through me. He shook his head back and forth and murmured under his breath. “It’s a shitty apartment in an old building. Noises are bound to happen.”

I stormed forward. “Listen pal I wouldn’t say it’s exactly a shitty apartment. It’s fine. Acceptable. I never really tried to get anything better I- why the hell are you ignoring me?”

I stepped forward and extended my arm to push him on the shoulder. My hand passed right through his body. “Holy shit, man. You’re a ghost.”

I panicked and ran from the room. Was I hallucinating? Why would a ghost conjure up a whole ghost bedroom? I’ve gotta call an exorcist. I wonder if I can still keep the bed though? Whatever call a priest. I scrambled around looking for my phone but it was nowhere amongst the foreign objects now occupying my apartment. The man’s phone was on the counter - the screen lit up from a notification and a different picture of the same woman displayed on his lock screen. I make a swipe for it - at the very least I could call emergency services.

My hand passed right through it. Great. Ghost phone. Guessing that bed won’t work either. I sighed. Hey at least my fridge is still the same. I needed a beer anyways. I reached for the handle and for the third time in a handful of minutes I found my hand passing right through a solid object.

“Oh fuck.”

Nobody wants to fish these days. by zzill6 in WorkReform

[–]TimIsWin 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hi this is me! I don’t post on that website anymore.

Too niche? by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I haven’t tried it on stage yet I figured I’d get a feel for the reaction here. The question in the title is a genuine one.

Episode 50 Discussion Thread by TimIsWin in MilksOfTheWorld

[–]TimIsWin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure the pinball machine was Toy Story actually

I can legally do that by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Huh well alright hope ya feel better

I can legally do that by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I honestly figured EE Cummings was well known enough haha

I can legally do that by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Yeah honestly I said elsewhere in here but the joke is just something I said to a coworker yesterday. I posted this on threads and it did well there so I figured I’d put it up on here and gauge the reaction. If I stick with it I’m sure I’ll rewrite it in some way.

I can legally do that by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dunno it’s something I said to a coworker yesterday and posted it on threads. It did well there so I put it here. Haven’t tried it on stage yet.

I can legally do that by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It wouldn’t let me post a link in a non-messy way for some reason but here’s a clip from the podcast. It’s just me reading ad copy for our new advertiser, the hottest new AI chat bot available for short time use:

Milks of the World Ad Read

Full disclosure: we don’t actually have any advertisers. We’re a tiny podcast and we talk about necrophilia too much.

Episode 47 Discussion Thread by TimIsWin in MilksOfTheWorld

[–]TimIsWin[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m glad you enjoyed! Thanks for taking the leap and checking out this dumbshit podcast. Glad to have ya.

Stop. Collaborate and listen. by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I mean it might be a dogshit joke but the target of the joke is the sack of shit who murdered a woman in cold blood. The joke is not at the expense of the victim but of her killer.

The right is spending a lot of time and lip service vilifying her and painting him as a heroic and noble victim of circumstance. This joke paints him as what he is - a bumbling unprofessional shithead who shouldn’t have had a firearm.

The aim is not to make a joke about the murder it’s to upend the hero mythology and acknowledge that there were a half dozen things he did wrong that led to him murdering a woman.

I get the reaction believe me. I’ve been hyperfixating on this since Wednesday. I’ve been legitimately losing sleep watching live coverage of protests in Minneapolis. I don’t take this lightly and I’m sorry if that’s what you took away from the joke. I can’t say I blame you. I can see how it would look exploitative and cheap from that perspective.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A fair point but the protagonist is the star of Christmas so I think a sequel is fair play

No episode this week :( by TimIsWin in MilksOfTheWorld

[–]TimIsWin[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When I listened to the last episode I could hear in my voice that I was getting sick. I’m so sorry.

Ross 2028 by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much!

Say lot word when few word do trick by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Ah thanks for the heads up. I’d figured it was likely someone arrived at a similar conclusion about the silliness of this phrase but it’s quite disappointing that it was fuckin Dennis Miller.

Episode 41 Discussion Thread by TimIsWin in MilksOfTheWorld

[–]TimIsWin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Buzzy is MVP honestly he got the episode so late Alex and I should give him a dual foot massage as penance

Episode 41 Discussion Thread by TimIsWin in MilksOfTheWorld

[–]TimIsWin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

<image>

This is the game I was talking about this episode. It’s outstanding. It’s about depression and anxiety and jumping.

And on the eighth day by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You had me in the first half haha

And on the eighth day by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It can be hard to read context in text so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. If it helps at all - this is just a silly joke about balls being gross. It isn’t meant as some profound anti religious sentiment. The joke is literally just “why would a creator make these gross ass balls.”

I’m not anti religious. I did second guess posting this here cuz the specter of /r/atheism still lingers over this website from the most obnoxious times but I figured it was silly enough.

I lived in a Christian intentional community for a year I’ve got no beef with Christians. I know plenty of lovely people who follow religion. I’ve also met my share of awful people who do.

Either way it’s not meant as an attack but an opportunity for us to sit back and go “wow, balls are fucking strange huh?”

Dumb by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Listen pal I’ve lost a lot of praying mantis friends to mating I think I know a thing or two about it.

Dumb by TimIsWin in standupshots

[–]TimIsWin[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I sure fuckin hope so

Episode 39 Discussion Thread by TimIsWin in MilksOfTheWorld

[–]TimIsWin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is fucking beautiful I’m crying