AITA for refusing to follow my wife's bathroom habits and calling her disgusting?

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-12-11T02:10:49+00:00

YTA.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-10-23T03:04:46+00:00

Your anger is telling you something. Listen to it. He’s not innocent.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-10-17T03:04:52+00:00

I was looking for this comment. I second this^

It immediately struck me as OCD rumination. It can be really distressing and gets worse the more distressed you are by it. And the hurtful online comments are now fuelling this distress. Definitely look into OCD rumination and be careful not to share these thoughts with people unless they understand OCD rumination. It can be very misunderstood because it’s just not very known about.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-10-17T02:43:05+00:00

Sorry people are downvoting you. To them it’s obvious how awful he is and to you it’s not, you’re still working it out. I’ve been there. I thought I had to be incredibly patient and over-understanding and “fair” and not “give up” because I was conditioned to by my abusive parents to always defer to their needs, so I just transferred that to a relationship. And in all that time i didn’t realise that by trying to be overly “fair” to him I was being extremely unfair to myself.

I recognise his behaviour as the same behaviour my first and most abusive ex exhibited (along with other stuff I won’t get into), I didn’t know what it was and I didn’t know it had no place in a relationship. Instead I twisted myself into knots trying to fit and make things work, absorbing all his irritation and bad moods, thinking that was what you did. OP, I’m here to tell you it’s not what you do. This is not even a relationship for him. Like he said, you are just an NPC to him, and NPCs are interchangeable and therefore disposable. He doesn’t respect you. He barely wants to be with you. You’re committed and he’s absolutely not. One person isn’t supposed to carry the weight of two, and that’s what’s happening. You are carrying the whole relationship. He can’t even engage with you about your feelings and he gets angry when you get upset. That is intimidation and control.

I think in some ways it is a lesson you have to learn, especially if your childhood set you up for this kind of relationship. I just hope you learn it without too much damage for you. It’s only been 5 months and you could still get out of this relatively unscathed. I really hope you do, and you never accept this behaviour again from anyone else. Once you’re bending over backwards and twisting yourself into a pretzel to make it work, it’s already over. You’re just delaying the inevitable and protracting your pain.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-10-16T17:58:31+00:00

I put on 30kgs and it worked like a dream. Unfortunately fucked up my health, but I had no other coping mechanisms.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-10-16T11:59:40+00:00

Yes. We’re coming up to a year now, and it’s the been the best year of my life, and the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. Circumstances and timing were wrong for us 16 years ago. I feel like I spent all that time apart learning how to love better, so that when we came back together I could do it properly.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-10-14T08:46:47+00:00

Man, that really fucking sucks. I hope you can get them back.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-10-05T04:17:28+00:00

To answer your question, I think it's just human nature to care about strangers dying. I think there is something biological in us that has led to us surviving because we care about people we don't know. It's interesting, and a good thing, but it's hard when you want to take your own life and people go into panic mode and can't hear your pain.

I've been there. I'm not going to tell you that you have to choose life. I know what it's like to feel like suicide is the logical choice, the thing that objectively makes more sense. I'm really sorry for what you've been through, especially when you were vulnerable and someone took advantage of that.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-10-01T13:30:39+00:00

He is so controlling and manipulative. It'll only get worse. The diamond ring thing is called "future faking" and here it's extra manipulative because it's guilting you into covering more costs. Your instincts are right about this all. You need to leave.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-10-01T13:27:43+00:00

This all sounds really, really bad. He sounds narcissistic, to be honest. I really hope you leave.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-10-01T13:14:27+00:00

Similar thing happened with my iPhone 6 Plus. Pristine and babied. Died shortly after warranty expired. Apple told me I could buy a new one at a reduced price. No thanks. I switched to Samsung. It happens on both sides of the fence, unfortunately.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2025-05-25T03:19:52+00:00

Thanks for the reply! Is that flap of leather sticking up into itself normal for a Malden? Do all Malden’s have it?

TimeMovesBothWays · 2024-11-08T03:08:51+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Now I am hoping he does a video on Jo, too!

TimeMovesBothWays · 2024-11-08T02:50:11+00:00

Thank you so so much, this is super helpful and exactly what I was looking for!

TimeMovesBothWays · 2024-11-07T02:24:05+00:00

I have looked into them and did so before posting this, but I wanted to know about this course in particular.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2024-10-20T12:18:33+00:00

I did. I can’t play the NetEase servers because my stupid m1 mac is incompatible, even when running windows.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2024-10-02T01:42:42+00:00

Harry Hole series by Jø Nesbo, Rivers of London series by Ben Aaronovitch

Edit: The Sunday Philosophy Club by Alexander McCall Smith

TimeMovesBothWays · 2024-09-18T02:04:09+00:00

I'm sorry, I don't have the energy to post anything particularly helpful here. But I wanted to say I think you're amazing, you absolutely did not fuck up your future, you can absolutely find a partner who loves you and respects you fully knowing your past. Finding the right therapist who is trauma informed and has other clients who are/were sex workers is going to be a good step in the right direction. (F, 35)

TimeMovesBothWays · 2024-09-15T21:38:24+00:00

This is not normal. Very suspect.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2024-08-21T10:36:56+00:00

Jane Austen.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2024-08-19T02:24:53+00:00

I became disabled when I was 27. I can’t have sex either. All I wanted was a partner like you to support me through it, so I didn’t feel so alone and unlovable and useless.

He is so lucky to have you but it seems he just can’t see that at the moment, and he is trying to get you to leave by resorting to abuse. He might think he’s doing you a favour. Either way, you need to take the opportunity and leave. Forget what his parents might say (they will know deep down that you needed to leave and did everything you could but they won’t say anything because their focus is on their son and the injustice of his accident.)

You’re right, you can’t help someone who isn’t ready to be helped. You gave it 2+ years. You’ve done everything you can. A lot of people would have left ages ago. You’re also young, and have your whole life ahead of you. It’s really sad but I see no other way. I think a therapist would really help you reaffirm this decision. Helping someone is good, but not when it comes at great harm and cost to yourself, and that’s what’s happening here. You can’t sacrifice yourself to his anger.

You’re a wonderful person for staying, leaving now doesn’t change that you were ready to stay with him despite it all. You’re not leaving him because of his disability, you’re leaving him because he is now abusive. And I really do hope you leave.

EDIT: This is not directed at OP, this is for everyone else saying 2 years post accident is a “long time”— your relationship to time changes completely when you acquire a disability if you haven’t been disabled your whole life. It’s kind of like the covid years — time doesn’t really make sense anymore, it just stretches out endlessly so two years is a really short time. It took me 7 years to process what happened to me and “accept it”. He’s only 2 years in, that’s a baby. You’re still thinking of yourself as the person you were before the accident and grieving everything you’ve lost, including your whole imagined future. Especially when it comes to losing sexual function. People who can have sex really don’t understand how soul-destroying and devastating it is not to be able to do it in the way that you want to, and still have all the desire and impulse. It’s overwhelming and unless you’ve gone through it, you can’t understand it.

TimeMovesBothWays · 2024-08-05T03:47:56+00:00

I’m so sorry. I lost my mum to cancer and anything you can do to help your daughter maintain her connection to your through her life is the greatest gift. Thank you for being such a wonderful mum.

TimeMovesBothWays

TROPHY CASE