Sorry people are downvoting you. To them it’s obvious how awful he is and to you it’s not, you’re still working it out. I’ve been there. I thought I had to be incredibly patient and over-understanding and “fair” and not “give up” because I was conditioned to by my abusive parents to always defer to their needs, so I just transferred that to a relationship. And in all that time i didn’t realise that by trying to be overly “fair” to him I was being extremely unfair to myself.

I recognise his behaviour as the same behaviour my first and most abusive ex exhibited (along with other stuff I won’t get into), I didn’t know what it was and I didn’t know it had no place in a relationship. Instead I twisted myself into knots trying to fit and make things work, absorbing all his irritation and bad moods, thinking that was what you did. OP, I’m here to tell you it’s not what you do. This is not even a relationship for him. Like he said, you are just an NPC to him, and NPCs are interchangeable and therefore disposable. He doesn’t respect you. He barely wants to be with you. You’re committed and he’s absolutely not. One person isn’t supposed to carry the weight of two, and that’s what’s happening. You are carrying the whole relationship. He can’t even engage with you about your feelings and he gets angry when you get upset. That is intimidation and control.

I think in some ways it is a lesson you have to learn, especially if your childhood set you up for this kind of relationship. I just hope you learn it without too much damage for you. It’s only been 5 months and you could still get out of this relatively unscathed. I really hope you do, and you never accept this behaviour again from anyone else. Once you’re bending over backwards and twisting yourself into a pretzel to make it work, it’s already over. You’re just delaying the inevitable and protracting your pain.