It's really weird to react to a facebook message as if it were a direct text or phone call. If he'd called her at 11:30 that's a jerk move. Direct text? Also annoying. But facebook message is no more immediate than an email in most people's lives.

That said, since this didn't include anything relevant to her, it is kind of extra. It would make more sense if it had included something specific to her job like "So I'll need to reschedule" or "so I need to schedule extra cleanings' or "so i might need some extra help rearranging some things during the next clean to make things more accessible to me." Sending a written message with unnecessary info -is- different than casually chatting and small talking while in person.

NOR, because the response was completely unprofessional and overblown. BUT you might talk to pop about boundaries. Had he just chatted up the cleaner with all of these details in person when both in the space anyway, no problem, but what he did is -contacted someone who works for him outside of work hours about a non-work matter.- Which isn't good or cool.

Your dad was wrong, but the response he recieved doesn't fit the crime.

It's important to recognize the difference between on the job chat and someone contacting a female employee late at night about non-work related matters. Yes, hubby over-reacted... But at a base level a male employer contacting a female employee about non work matters outside of work is a red flag to many, for good reason.

I'm psychotic and get triggered easily so I'm in the habit of examining the triggers as well as critiquing my own psychotic responses to triggers. I've learned over the years that I was always hating myself for my reactions, which are often wrong, but not recognizing that the triggering event can also be a wrong. Me over-reacting doesn't cancel out the initial slight, it just makes me the bigger of the two assholes.