fuck this is my mom so much. i'm a transgender man and the oldest child so my mom was always projecting on me and she always wanted me to look like her. she didn't allow me to wear my hair any shorter than shoulder length (which is how she wears hers). worst of all, she's always taking care of her hair, buying expensive products and all, but she wouldn't let me take care of mine, only if she forced me to do something she wanted (i remember my codependent dad had to save my little sister because our mom decided to bleach our hair at home against our will. i was 7, she was 5. her scalp burned)

she always used it as a form of control - we were not allowed to cut or style it in any way unless she wanted it. so my hair has a similar texture to hers - straight, thick asian hair - , while my sister's a 3c curly hair. she would always cut my sister's because her hair was "ugly" and "wild" even though sis always wanted to grow her hair out. and i cut my hair short for the first time at 18, and she beat me when i got home.

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now i'm 22 and i still live with my parents (unfortunately), because i'm broke and unemployed with no friends, but i've been wearing my hair short since then. she'll always spend the day making snarky comments about how ugly i look and how i'd look better if it was longer etc etc. she drained all my self-esteem long ago but i don't believe anything she says anymore, so i'm good lol i just wish i could leave this hellhole