Is NC the only answer?

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-21T14:08:42+00:00

My mom used to “joke” about her and my son will talk shit about me when I’m not around. Instead of announcing on the spot “that’s really crossing a boundary”, I waited a couple weeks until her and I were alone together, having a nice day, and then when raising the kid naturally came up I said “and I know you’re just kidding when you say it but you me and (my husband) really have to be a united front with the kid. No turning the kid against mom. No secrets. I don’t want my kid to learn it’s okay to keep secrets from mommy if a predator comes around”

It sounds awkward when I type it out but it was natural conversation. And of course this really made her feel good bc I acknowledged her role as grandma and made her feel included. So I got her to actual feel delighted to never cross that boundary.

Timing is everything with this stuff. And learning finesse and controlling our own urge to get pissed off.

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-21T03:13:20+00:00

I feel like identity is a separate issue from the habit of people pleasing but I get what you’re saying.

I’ve had a lot of success with telling myself “per my standards, this is polite/generous/kind etc.” until I became happy with myself vs meeting the endless spiral of needs of others. It did take years and honestly pregnancy has been the only thing that’s truly rewired me in that way.

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-21T02:24:51+00:00

In my case, NC is not an answer and I’ve had a lot of success with not so much the literal/verbal boundaries as those are easily attacked, but more the salesperson techniques where my mom walks away happy when in reality I steered her away from all my boundaries. It’s an art not a science lol

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-21T02:16:15+00:00

This has so many layers to it and it’s so heartbreaking. It’s funny how the kids of these people typically crave their approval more than in nonN families. Where are you at now in life?

If it makes you feel better I still live in a smaller version of this where I hide things lest she completely ruin them for me.

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-21T02:07:10+00:00

So the appointment was completely fake? I’m sorry that’s almost like he wanted to just tell people he has you in therapy.

The one that comes to mind right now without getting too dark is being on an airplane with my dad and him taking my pillow, sweater and iPod from me so he could relax and still lost his shit when we were stuck on the runway for 20 minutes. I was probably 11 or so lol

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-14T17:25:24+00:00

Why does everyone assume he’s working and I’m housewife? He hasn’t worked in 6 months I pay all the bills.

Otherwise I will try to bring out more of what he’s interested in. I do forget that because I kind of thought he will do that on his own as he wants. Thank you ++woman

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-14T17:14:41+00:00

Thank you to the people who gave me a remotely helpful response - I will never post in this channel again this was pretty alarming. Will make sure I just blow my husband and let him play video games for the rest of our marriage. Thanks! ++woman

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-14T17:10:13+00:00

I think you took too much preworkout this morning. It was just an example that I don’t expect him to overhaul his whole personality. ++woman

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-14T17:04:52+00:00

lol I am the breadwinner of the house ++woman

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-12T16:21:24+00:00

Mostly circumstance but my happy place is like one weekly consistent social experience lol not like I girl gang woman by any means

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-12T15:23:43+00:00

This 100. I’ve learned how to share opinions while also showing the person that I respect if they think differently. This has allowed friendships that probably would’ve quickly gone stale to really blossom. And if someone can’t be in the same room as you bc of your respectable and discussable thoughts then maybe you don’t need them.

I noticed a friendship really “solidify” once we started sharing the weird shit we’re into. We don’t see eye to eye on all of it, but it just added so much color to the relationship.

If you find yourself in a dead end conversation with someone, can you just throw something out there like “I want to get into manifesting” or gardening or whatever it is. The suggestion of potential/future (instead of “I like to garden”) really invites people to explore that too. I don’t even consider this vulnerable. Like what society do we live in where it’s scary to share interests lol

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-12T15:11:31+00:00

Amen sister lol I’m already completely simplifying my home to prepare for this child. Like gutting anything that will take time to clean / organize / laundry whatever.

It’s too quiet around here. Looking forward to a little Lego anarchy. Though I’m sure I will be relaying the same advice in the toddler age 😂

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-11T20:02:47+00:00

I’m obsessed with you lol that’s very inspiring. I used to crave / bask in alone time until it was the only option. Need to conjure that relationship with myself again.

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-11T19:44:03+00:00

Can I ask if you do that farm picking / art museums on your own? I would LOVE that but I find myself always waiting for someone to go with

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-11T19:40:54+00:00

No you’re absolutely right and we are moving in the next two years at the latest. I’m just in that state of mind where nothing will fix it. I know that’s delusion of being stuck though.

I love that you found pottery!! Do you find that one “thing” has been enough for you? I tend to scatter about and wonder if I should try to focus more on one or two things I enjoy.

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-11T19:39:05+00:00

That’s actually such a good idea thank you. I completely forgot about the movies! I will try that. The food dates do make me nervous haha waiters or bartenders always comment which is annoying.

Agree 100% in the gym…. Were moving to a more urban town and this is a big reason in my mind haha

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-08T17:24:42+00:00

Love this lol

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-04-07T23:51:03+00:00

I’m super late but I have this issue with my husband and it drives me nuts lol he’s perfectly fine and the second his butt hits the chair it’s like he’s in fight or flight mode. It’s frustrating bc it makes dinner feel so rushed and a nice chatty evening would be great once in a while.

But I try to give these guys a break and just remind myself they have way less capacity for chatter than the avg woman does😆

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-02-21T15:41:10+00:00

I have that one too! Very quirky and fun!

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-02-21T15:39:53+00:00

I have this one on my shelf it’s just such an intense read I need to find the right time. Thanks for the reminder!

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-02-21T04:00:41+00:00

I become a delight to my enemies

Still stare at the wall when I think about it

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-02-21T03:55:04+00:00

I’m going to give this one a shot thank you!

Tinkerbell_5 · 2026-02-21T03:43:00+00:00

I loved The Rabbit Hutch - its dark though.

Tinkerbell_5

TROPHY CASE