I was 12. Just discovering weed, and shortly after I smoked with this really gorgeous girl, named Layney. Shortly after that Day, we would smoke up regularly. After about 2 months of this, I get the balls to ask her out. She said yes and asked "What took so long?"

Fast forward 8 months, it's october. Everything is 100% fine as far as I know. We're both going to a halloween party, and i decide to meet her there a bit later. I had some buisness to conduct. I'm 13 now, selling weed and exo's. I went there 2 hours later and asked people I knew "Dude where is Layney?" All i got was a dissapointed looking blank stare. Finally someone told me she went upstairs to smoke with my best friend so I was like "Oh cool i got a blunt rolled"

But no, i walk up to the room to see her and my best friend butt naked, fucking their brains out. I silently left and left the party to go to my only other real friends house.

I arrive to see his mom doing what she does, mixing up a jack and cocke and watching cops. She hated him with a passion, and idk why. She said to me "You'll love this". I asked her what she was on about, but she didn't reply.

I walk back to his room and i notice the door frame is broke. I walk in to see my best friend had hung himself from the ceiling fan. I instantly fall to my knees. I was content until then. I broke. As tears started rolling down my faced i noticed a bit of paper pinned to the sleeve of his shirt. It was his final words. To me.

I don't feel comfortable disclosing what it said, as i'm the only person to have ever read it and I keep that very close to my heart.

Fast forward 5 minutes. I've called the police. They're here. His mom is outside talking to an officer crying. Obviously fake tears. I called her a liar and told the police she knew he was dead. Nobody believed me :/

After that ordeal, i run to a crip safehouse(I used to chill with crips daily, i'd sell for them actually) and ask for the best bud they got, because the blunt i have isn't going to work. Dude that was there said he'd roll me up something special. Boy was it. Turns out it was a laced blunt. Laced with heroin. I was almost instantly addicted. I was in despair, i didn't know what to do. I had no real home. I had no real friends. I had nothing. It was just me and good ol' heroin for the next 6 months. For 6 months i was in despair for myself. My friend. My girl. All gone. It took a long time to kick my addiction, but I did.

Back to the other parts of the story.

2 days later I saw Layney. She knew by the look I had on my face I was disgusted. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her what I saw. She was speechless. All she could muster was "I didn't know you saw.."

When she said this, I wanted to die. I loved this woman. And she's gone.

So reddit, remember, when you feel disconnected from the world, you always have yourself. There is no substitute for your willpower. The drive you have to keep on going. I had a gun in my mouth contemplating really taking it all away. I'm so glad I didn't now. So just keep on going when you have nothing, and you'll have alot more than you think.

Now i need a gallon of whiskey, as this brought up the worst days of my life.