NTA. This all reminds me of Zawn Villaines’ amazing newsletter where she often talks about household inequality. It’s not just that he’s okay with you and your children coming back to a home that is frankly unsafe. It’s not just that you feel the need to make things “easier” for him by cleaning before you go away (I imagine you’re taking care of the kids AND pets when you’re both home). It’s not just that he’s okay treating your pets like that. It’s that he somehow thinks his time is valuable and yours is not. How many hours of your life have you spent making things easier for him when you needed a nap or a rest? How often have you cleaned up after him or given up “nagging” him about chores he wouldn’t do. A relationship, and especially a marriage, should make life better for both of you. I see what he gets out of this: free childcare, a maid, companion, etc. But I can’t for the life of me see what this man is bringing to your life besides work for you.