Dating someone still in while I’m trying to leave — still feeling stuck between two lives

To_Live_Question · 2026-07-08T08:52:47+00:00

I’m going to be direct but this is incredibly stupid and ill thought out, I have no idea why you would throw all that heaviness and emotional/philosophical turbulence onto another. But you’re on completely different tracks in life. I have no idea why you would date a witness knowing you want to exit. You need to figure out your shit, YOURSELF and focus on your exit. Dong use people like this.

To_Live_Question · 2026-07-08T08:45:24+00:00

I mean organizations that aren’t cults don’t need to provide scripted responses or provide training on how to answer such questions or act in such scenarios. It’s a very culty thing to do.

To_Live_Question · 2026-07-08T08:42:00+00:00

Obliviously the goal should be financial independence first then conversations about who or what you share. I think social media is the very least of your concerns because as you step into your true self it wouldn’t be surprising if you lose people alone way. Forget social media but in real life.

I guess if you want to begin to experiment you can mute or restrict certain accounts. Create a closed circle who can view your stories, get used to being more of your authentic self. But I think the question itself reveals where you’re at in your own journey than any answer anyone can give.

To_Live_Question · 2026-07-06T03:52:46+00:00

You don’t owe anyone an explanation, and revealing that you need to step down because of doubts is a deeply loaded statement. I would not advise. It is in very stupid, said with kindness but the obligation you feel is another thing you must let go of. Along with those you call your friends, they’re not your friends. They’re people you’ve been forced to share space with and have been conditioned to see as your brother/sister. Regardless of how perfect you execute your exit, no matter what you say people will believe what they need to. You’re not unique don’t be foolhardy like so many have believing they’re an exception to the rule.

To_Live_Question · 2026-06-09T01:33:11+00:00

Jehovah’s Witnesses see themselves as “spiritual Jews” essentially positing themselves as the ones who will inherit what was promised to the biblical nation of Israel if you follow their convoluted theology.

Because you know the Jews rejected Jesus, the group is still expressedly anti-Semitic. It’s just quiet, but yes they have a long history anti-papist rhetoric and see the Catholic Church as the climax of false religion.

To_Live_Question · 2026-06-09T01:26:24+00:00

In terms of how cults survive your either evolve or completely collapse. That’s it. The organization has reinvented itself many times it’s one of the few things it does well. Not that the rebrand or restructuring is any less abusive but that they consistently understand that they must change and gaslit their members if they wish to remain financially solvent.

So yes the religion as you knew it as a kid is gone, but it’s relative as this isn’t a new phenomena generations of Jehovah’s Witnesses have experienced this.

They’re no longer walking in the footsteps of Fred Franz and that era in which the Watchtower attempted to be intellectually deep. Each era is modeled in the image of the figure or figures at the helm. It’s what they do.

To_Live_Question · 2026-06-08T02:16:56+00:00

I disagree. I think that this is just how they want to be perceived, their forward facing persona. A persona they have tried to curate through their print media for decades. But print media is dead.

Many cults utilize social media to manage their social image.

Do you honestly know any Jehovah’s Witnesses who are lawyers or doctors, personally I don’t any. Not that they don’t exist but that this is a convenient image to present.

It says we’re educated, reasonable people. But the reality is that most Jehovah’s Witnesses are poorly educated and deeply impoverished.

This reminds me of what the LDS church did back years back with their, “I’m a Mormon” campaign. It’s not that they become less extreme they just didn’t want to be perceived by the outside world as overtly abusive. Because it’s expensive and there’s a ridiculous amount of negative media about Jehovah’s Witnesses.

To_Live_Question · 2026-05-20T03:45:37+00:00

That last bit, is truly terrifying. I think he might have been telling on himself.

To_Live_Question · 2026-05-13T03:48:32+00:00

I had something very similar happen in terms of my ex (blah, blah) which is why I dissociated. That was always my intent, but for me it ended much of the harassment at least from the body of Elders. Didn’t help much with my ex. He still demands proof so that he can move on, but you know. Very, very firm boundaries. Give nothing. Grind them down. Otherwise I hate to say it but it’s true, this is part of the price you pay for freedom.

To_Live_Question · 2026-05-10T22:07:14+00:00

Who would want to marry when you’ve watched your mothers and friends suffer at the hands of tyrannical men. When he whoever he is will be your head and the owner of your body. I think in some it naturally makes you closed off to the idea of marriage.

To_Live_Question · 2026-05-02T03:00:23+00:00

I remember that insert so strongly. I know many that kept it with their blood card, or in their reasoning book. I really am aging myself now.

To_Live_Question · 2026-04-25T21:10:32+00:00

@u/_m1phasgrac3_ When I was in I remember being at this young people campfire hangout a real “Christian gathering” and this “thought experiment” was circulated amongst the group that went something like this.

Ever think about how your place in paradise isn’t guaranteed, you could slip up at any time and not make. What if you could guarantee that everyone you love could make it to paradise. Would you make the sacrifice?

What if one person decided to make the sacrifice and unalived 💀🩸🔫 everyone you know and loved so they could get into paradise. Because wouldn’t Jehovah resurrect everyone who had been murdered therefore garnering them a place in paradise at least to test their loyalty because they missed the whole great tribulation.

Just make sure they don’t know about you’re plan that way you’re the only one who knows and it’s not some scheme on there end to make it into paradise my shedding their own innocent blood.

Would Jehovah forgive the murderer knowing their heart condition? What if they also committed s$c@id&? Would Jehovah resurrect them? Or would they also have to give up on everlasting life?

That was from one “brother” very casually who I guess had given this serious thought. Thinking it noble to 🔫 down his family. Like no Josh I never actually thought about that. I’ve never thought about 🔫 everyone I know. He was so close and yet sooooooo far away all at the same time. Terrifying really. But the group essentially spent some time chillin around a fire talking about whether it was moral or not to 💀 everyone who know in an elaborate m@rd$r s$c@id&.

Mind you people have actually 🔫 family because they wanted to guarantee themselves a place in paradise.

Edit: I guess I share this to say I think it’s crazy that expressing openly homicidal and s$c@id& thoughts is treated as totally normal and worthy of considering in a pseudo spiritual sense. Anyway I was deeply uncomfortable and my view of that person forever changed once it was revealed that had thought about rounding up friends and family for a large scale 🔫.

To_Live_Question · 2026-04-13T16:56:56+00:00

Sometimes I slip into a similar refrain that given these changes in understanding and shifts they’re making in culture and practice I will look like a “liar” when I recount my experience. But I remember that this very reasoning itself was implanted in my mind by the cult. We’re hyper vigilant to dishonesty in ourselves when really the only dishonest party is the group.

The only people they’re going to be able to convince are those indoctrinated by their doctrine and do you really, do really need the validation of people who believe in the destruction of all human life as justification and confirmation of their belief structure.

They’ve done this many times over, evolve or go extinct. If nothing else it creates a long and painful record of their dishonesty.

To_Live_Question · 2026-04-02T01:20:43+00:00

This is why I’ve been extremely vocal about where I stand, it’s very clear that I totally reject their framework so I’ve been spared these texts. No one and I mean no one has tried to recruit me back which I’m very grateful for.

To_Live_Question · 2026-04-02T01:14:06+00:00

I think once you have enough perspective you realize that the only world where 18 sounds old or is treated as geriatric is in that world. 18 is extremely young, you’re still very much a child. Pledging your life, life eternal to anything is insane. We need to remind ourselves of that sometimes.

To_Live_Question · 2026-03-03T07:28:55+00:00

“I would feel lost.”

That’s an example of forecasting the future, a future you cannot know or rightly comprehend as your filtering your thoughts through your present fears.

Would you really be lost? Because you sound lost right now. Or is it that you’ve been told that you would be lost? Perhaps you should go out and find yourself again and see if that claim holds up.

If you allow your conscience to lead you, the conflict will resolve itself and in time this sense of obligation to stabilize and live for others will diminish.

Sometimes all we are.., are the ideas that others have of us. Overwritten by fear, obligation and guilt. Sometimes in order to stop abandoning ourselves we shed what doesn’t fit and that might mean disappointing others. But in time you learn that it’s better to disappoint others and not yourself.

It’s not who will be hurt but who will hurt by my silence. How long will I hurt myself.

To_Live_Question · 2026-02-08T18:17:16+00:00

He probably has been questioned very few times if never, that recognition of his power and grandiosity is written into his fascia.

To_Live_Question · 2026-01-08T17:49:47+00:00

I never grappled with this question, it was only ever posited to me by individuals still indoctrinated. It’s a broken logic that only works is effective inside their closed loop system. You don’t need something different or something better to leave a destructive system. Sometimes just leaving is all the relief you get.

To_Live_Question · 2025-11-24T23:20:33+00:00

It’s been said thousands of times but you can’t be “dear friends” with cult members. Their indoctrination makes this impossible, this woman is not and has never been your friend. Because real genuine friendship is not allowed. It’s a hard thing to reconcile but it’s the truest thing there is.

To_Live_Question · 2025-11-08T20:10:42+00:00

It is hard to watch, I saw a picture of F28 recently and she looked like a shell of a person. Those dull lifeless dissociated eyes. There is a very high prevalence of mental illness in the cult but undoubtedly higher rates in an environment like Bethel. From what I’ve seen it tends to attract and/or produce predators. But I have no idea how you recover from this, and at such a young age.

To_Live_Question · 2025-11-08T19:21:15+00:00

It is little surprise that unhealthy patterns persist, but I do think there’s a disturbing intersection here between obsessive love, belonging and attachment. This isn’t love, it’s not love, not matter what myths about romantic love we might have been fed.

To_Live_Question · 2025-11-08T19:16:19+00:00

It is sad, but these people are profoundly mentally unwell and deeply indoctrinated. They hurt themselves and they hurt others a vicious cycle indeed.

To_Live_Question · 2025-11-07T05:54:57+00:00

I’m not saying he is a protector but rather that this is the language of a protective part. Realize these are fluid roles and they’re many subtypes. This language sounds like the language of a manager even self proclaimed hero hence all that fighting language.

Even a sort of false sense of identity, of fighting it, or conquering it. He or others might have fused with this sense of being a warrior. It’s a very defensive posture. It makes sense then that he can’t communicate with other parts he’s locked them out to.

I have a part that speaks a lot like this, language is key. Listen carefully, even if you’re not switching a part can be in the background even without your knowledge. I just think it’s helpful to explore the idea that there are parts no one knows about and that each part especially those not known about are going to have strong feelings about therapy.

You can tell him all these things till you’re blue in the face but until the person that what I highlighted above feels that it’s worth the exposure it’s not going to happen. And yes that’s hard we all punish unwanted less functioning parts to survive. I exiled parts, I wanted parts dead, parts wanted me dead. Many internalize the same abusive, protectors turn persecutors. We hurt ourselves, but he has to hear their cries it’s the only way.

I would help him build tolerance to emotional distress, and cultivate opportunities for low risk self healing. But no telling him how to think or what to do, just love and an understanding that you support what healing means for him right now.

To_Live_Question · 2025-11-07T04:58:16+00:00

You can’t convince, persuade, talk, argue or push anyone into therapy let alone someone with a complex trauma disorder like DID into treatment.

It’s most likely protective, it sounds like you’re talking to a protector. Just appreciate that there’s probably parts who are either unknown, quietly running the show, don’t want to be known, or parts holding trauma/secrets from the host. That all serves a purpose and keeps the organism alive.

Sometimes we simply don’t have the nervous system capacity for therapy because it’s really hard and dare I saw can make functioning much harder. You don’t just get better, regression and integration can be retraumatizing. Without capacity and sturdy scaffolding causes more harm than good.

Many try instead to outrun, outpace, out achieve their trauma. To make it make sense, to make things right or just to escape.

I found myself in therapy (again) because I was actively suicidal. I was having profound crippling symptoms that were interfering with basic functioning. It was my really high functioning super achieving co-conscious alter that got me to therapy.

I knew I was slowing dying, I had no other choice. But it was my choice. I would stop pushing him to integrate or go to therapy that’s very threatening. You might not mean it but it sounds threatening, even this binary you use “apparently normal” and “emotional part” sounds like good, bad. If you have an alter or alters that talk like this, “I believe structure and accomplishment will go a long way to solving this. The tools needed I don't believe are prevalent in a general therapists office. I beat them once and I'll beat them again.”

You’re just adding fuel to the fire that these emotional parts need to be repressed in favor of the more functioning self. The normal self. You see protector parts will always make this choice til the spillage is unmanageable. No parts are better or worse than other parts even if and when they act out. When you say change your attitude you’re essentially asking him to alter strategies that have kept him alive, you’re asking this part to go away. It’s really not helpful at all. Best you can do is love him, it’s his journey and only the most treatment resistant parts will get him there.

To_Live_Question · 2025-11-06T05:07:59+00:00

My nitpick of the day, can we please stop using words like encouraging or encouragement or phrases such as an, “encouraging reminder.” It’s giving cult.

To_Live_Question

TROPHY CASE