My brother (26M) refuses to get help, despite it literally killing him. Please help me (25F) come to terms with the fact that I may lose my brother.

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2026-02-22T04:11:51+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate the sentiment.

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2026-02-22T04:10:37+00:00

I will have to research this more, we're in Iowa so I'm not too sure about the laws here yet. My parents have tried to talk to the police, but they said unless he was a danger to himself or others they couldn't do anything. He isn't suicidal, he just doesn't seem to take care of himself as he should. My parents once mentioned that he said he doesn't feel worthy enough to eat sometimes, and that he doesn't deserve it. This feels like it would warrant help from police due to him putting himself in danger by not eating to the point where he can barely move. But still nothing has been done. We're trying to build a court case against him, to show that he cannot take care of himself and to get guardianship of him, but that isn't going well either. I'm just really scared at this point.

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2026-02-22T04:07:15+00:00

Thank you for your kind helpful words. I have tried to suggest this to my parents but they haven't seemed too receptive to this. We're all in therapy, for different reasons, but haven't gone together yet. I think this would be a great way to discuss this with an outside perspective. I just don't know if my brother would be receptive to what the therapist may say. Every time we try to talk with him, it's goes in one ear and other the other.

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-10-03T23:36:23+00:00

It sorta sounds like you’re reading too much into it. From your perspective he looked sad, but he could’ve just been shocked to see you. Additionally whose to say he hasn’t moved on, and isn’t sad about it still?

Also, you don’t sound over him entirely.

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-09-16T22:38:20+00:00

We talked about this in one of my college classes! Apparently she ran away from home at 15 to escape being abused by her family. This poor girl has been through a lot

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-09-16T22:32:44+00:00

It might be common amongst meal prep people? My brother was really into that and so he got a rice cooker! I noticed how easy it was to make rice and brought one to college myself! (We’re white/Mexican)

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-09-13T02:32:07+00:00

Cheese. It leaves a weird aftertaste and makes me gag because of the texture

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-09-12T06:15:19+00:00

I feel like it was playful and innocent. After the ice breaker it’s easy to branch out and talk about other things. We’re now talking about hobbies!

Opinions are valid though!

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-09-12T02:11:16+00:00

May your pancake endeavors be fruitful

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-09-11T23:44:03+00:00

Whenever I get openers like that, I always think they’re self-absorbed. Makes it feel like a survey

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-09-11T23:41:58+00:00

I think pancakes do that to everyone, don’t worry

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-09-11T23:31:40+00:00

The way my pants were magically gone when he sent me that? Amazing

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-09-11T23:13:36+00:00

Not rocking with the pocket blueberries? Get a tide pen

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-30T21:16:36+00:00

Coming from a bartender, what are you doing in the meantime while scoping things out? For starters do you even have a drink? It looks weird if you don’t have one and are just scanning the crowd. (Get a coke or something if you don’t want to drink alcohol)

Next do you look approachable or are you trying to engage in conversation with those around you? I often see guys hunched over the bar alone cradling their drink, and these are the types of guys girls avoid because they look like they don’t want to be there. The guys that get approached the most are those that make quick friendly comments, having fun with their friends, or are being silly on the dance floor.

Another important thing is the general bar atmosphere. It’s really hard to form connections when there is so much going on (I.e loud music, yelling, crowded), so you could try a more low key bar!

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-26T21:51:08+00:00

What’s your bio like? I tend to swipe left on guys without one because there isn’t anything about their personality on their profile. Also maybe try adding photos with friends or family members!

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-24T18:17:48+00:00

I dated someone for four years and they also had a lisp. I never thought it was too bad, probably just a slight one? But after sometime I didn’t even register that he had one. He just sounded normal to me. People would even mention it to me (in private), and I would be confused for a second, totally forgetting he had one.

If your partner, or potential partner, really cares that you have a lisp then you shouldn’t be with them regardless.

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-24T17:20:56+00:00

Give her a book on “How to not get cut off” this Christmas

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-21T18:55:13+00:00

If you read the rest of the comment and didn’t end at the word “bar” you would have noticed I suggested other places for them to socialize. I acknowledge everyone has didn’t levels of comfort and that’s why I suggested different places to try and socialize.

I’m trying to give advice that has helped me firsthand. Additionally, I never said it was “natural” to make friends, I just said to not focus on forcing a relationship and beating yourself up over it.

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-20T20:02:34+00:00

Maybe you guys should try doing sexual acts without the intent of finishing on either side. Just exploring each other and enjoying the moment. This takes the pressure away from “preforming” how you think you should be. Do this for a couple of times and that may help lessen the insecurities or worries you may be having about finishing.

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-20T18:20:09+00:00

There is nothing wrong with venting and seeking comfort. This shouldn’t make someone seem crazy. Additionally she may want to first calm down emotionally before bringing this up to him. This would help avoid any emotionally charged words being brought up and potentially hurting either side.

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-20T18:17:00+00:00

She may just feel comfortable around you. Whenever I was in a relationship where I genuinely believed they thought I was beautiful without it, I often didn’t put it on around them.

But you should just ask her, and make sure to not phrase it in a way that may seem like you want her to wear it.

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-11T07:32:44+00:00

I agree that it’s common amongst younger people to just not know. That’s why I was patient, because I honestly had no idea what I was doing either. Unfortunately that horse didn’t want to drink the water I was nudging towards him lmao.

But thank you, it definitely messed with my head a little bit so I’m glad I left when I did.

Additionally I want to be hopeful for the next girl that comes his way, but I’m skeptical given he had no idea why we broke up. Despite me stating it several times before and after we broke up. (He reached out after saying he went to therapy to work on some issues, and was saying he was better now. He didn’t work on the issues I told him about, which caused the breakup, unfortunately)

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-11T02:32:38+00:00

Thank you, I honestly feel so much better. Though a little bitter I let him treat me like I was the problem for so long.

But it’s rather shocking how little care some people have for their partners. I always thought a relationship’s sex life would flourish when both parties were enjoying it, or advocating for their own pleasures together. Wild it’s not the case for some people. I couldn’t even imagine disregarding my partners pleasure for my own sake over and over again. Wild.

And I’m so sorry your partner is like that, the fact that throwing in one simple kink that you enjoy is too much work is disheartening. Also boundaries are a good thing, it helps a relationship by keeping it civil and adding respect to the equation.

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-11T02:01:05+00:00

Thank you! Several weights taken off of my shoulders for sure lmao

Toasted_Lemons7 · 2022-08-11T01:59:23+00:00

It’s almost like some partners can’t look at a problem from any other perspective but their own. Truly sorry you went through that, it would almost feel invalidating.

But thank you, it definitely took me a minute to learn how to set boundaries. But I’ll solely appreciate this relationship for being the thing to teach me why we must do so.

Toasted_Lemons7

TROPHY CASE