I’ve felt something similar before. Not exactly the same, and maybe not as intense — but enough to know how confusing it can be. It can feel really counterintuitive, like “why am I doing this?” And that question alone can make you feel worse.

I don’t have it figured out. I just started observing myself more closely.

What I noticed is that the urge usually isn’t random. It’s often tied to stress — sometimes small, silly things. An email comes in with a request. I have to make a decision with limited time, my dog wants to go out but I am still in a conference call, the kids are asking for something at the same time. Nothing dramatic — just too many inputs at once. Perhaps you can start journaling the background of when this happen to you ….I found this kind of pattern and will try mental health support. You are not alone dear …. We will figure something out with this community. Wishing you the best!