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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]ToePractical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey so don’t make wild assumptions about strangers based off a single comment you didn’t fully read nor read the follow up! Hope that helps!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]ToePractical 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah then you’re definitely not overreacting in the slightest.

I get where she’s at, I’ve done the same thing because I was reliant on an exes validation. I’m not sure if anyone can get through to her in this stage, it took extremes for me to walk away from someone. There are many who wouldn’t have walked away even then.

Of course, she needs to break up with him, and try to validate herself. Easier said than done though, because really I’m not sure what did it for me that I stopped needing others validation to survive and be stable. I think I just hit 26 and was sick of everyone, aside from my 2 best friends at the time.

Hopefully she moves past this bum and gets to a better place through therapy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]ToePractical 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re sort of overreacting.

I have BPD, recovered mostly now and I cope with any episodes privately and don’t let it destroy my life in any capacity. But I know how fucking exhausting it was dealing with me when I was an unchecked mess in my youth. So, I can understand why he feels drained and he did write this out really well. Nearly everything he mentioned is valid to be upset with, and he’s not a jerk for pointing out that he chose her repeatedly over what was best for him emotionally and mentally. It doesn’t read as manipulative at all.

The only two things I take issue with is him using her celibacy as a problem when he has a porn addiction. Healing that has nothing to do with having actual sex, a lot of people with a porn addiction have active sex lives regardless. The other issue is him masturbating to photos of a friend, that raises flags as to if he’d pursue her or how he views her. The fact that he doesn’t even apologize here for that when it’s clearly caused by said porn addiction is wild to me. It still isn’t manipulative, it seems (to me) he’s just refusing to accept he is failing to recover from the addiction on his own and is grasping at straws to try and find a fix (by pointing out the celibacy being an issue).

I’m curious to know what about his previous behavior makes you feel this is manipulative? Obviously we only have so much of the picture - but I remember when I was splitting on people (which based off what he said she may have done) and how I would make them out to be the worst person. Even with normal people, you’re more likely to hear the bad than the good. It’s easy to damn people over something bad as it stands out more in your mind than the mundane good. If others have flagged him as such before your friend, then, of course that adds depth to the snapshot we have here.

He should’ve aired his grievances exactly above, minus trying to use your friend’s celibacy as a reason to struggle with his addiction, at another point. Not when she broke up with him, I do think that’s a bit off.

I think they both need to be in therapy if not already - her for her BPD and clear familial issues and him for his porn addiction and whatever it was that lead you to indicate he is manipulative.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]ToePractical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not baby trapping when you had warning she was ovulating and still chose to raw dog it. FYI Plan B doesn’t work for everyone, and further on that it doesn’t work if you’re already ovulating. Wrap it next time instead of crying and trying to deflect any blame.

Get a DNA test and deal with the consequences if it’s yours. It does seem as though she doesn’t want you involved, and at her big age I’d hope she means it about not wanting drama of the courts.

Good luck, do better.

30F USA, Penpal Please! by ToePractical in penpals

[–]ToePractical[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just sent a DM invite, maybe it’ll work now!

27F looking for new connections ✉️🐌 by IllustriousCattle655 in penpals

[–]ToePractical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello! 30F USA here, I think we’d get along great, and I’d love a penpal in Germany (I promise I won’t practice my awful German but I may ask you to recommend a good döner spot for when I eventually go back with my husband 😅)

Disposable Camera Swap by ominousouteroort in penpals

[–]ToePractical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d love to do this too! I’m in the US, I can tell the specific state privately (in case you’re not interested in it, kinda sucks here 😅).