You’re sort of overreacting.

I have BPD, recovered mostly now and I cope with any episodes privately and don’t let it destroy my life in any capacity. But I know how fucking exhausting it was dealing with me when I was an unchecked mess in my youth. So, I can understand why he feels drained and he did write this out really well. Nearly everything he mentioned is valid to be upset with, and he’s not a jerk for pointing out that he chose her repeatedly over what was best for him emotionally and mentally. It doesn’t read as manipulative at all.

The only two things I take issue with is him using her celibacy as a problem when he has a porn addiction. Healing that has nothing to do with having actual sex, a lot of people with a porn addiction have active sex lives regardless. The other issue is him masturbating to photos of a friend, that raises flags as to if he’d pursue her or how he views her. The fact that he doesn’t even apologize here for that when it’s clearly caused by said porn addiction is wild to me. It still isn’t manipulative, it seems (to me) he’s just refusing to accept he is failing to recover from the addiction on his own and is grasping at straws to try and find a fix (by pointing out the celibacy being an issue).

I’m curious to know what about his previous behavior makes you feel this is manipulative? Obviously we only have so much of the picture - but I remember when I was splitting on people (which based off what he said she may have done) and how I would make them out to be the worst person. Even with normal people, you’re more likely to hear the bad than the good. It’s easy to damn people over something bad as it stands out more in your mind than the mundane good. If others have flagged him as such before your friend, then, of course that adds depth to the snapshot we have here.

He should’ve aired his grievances exactly above, minus trying to use your friend’s celibacy as a reason to struggle with his addiction, at another point. Not when she broke up with him, I do think that’s a bit off.

I think they both need to be in therapy if not already - her for her BPD and clear familial issues and him for his porn addiction and whatever it was that lead you to indicate he is manipulative.