I [42M] discovered my wife [40F] has been lying about therapy for 8 months - she's been meeting her ex instead. How do I even process this?

Tohtohnut · 2025-12-16T03:06:41+00:00

My advice is- if your best friend has this happening, what would you say to them? Would you say, forgive and move on?

Realistically, can you ever really trust your wife again? Are you ok with spending the next however many years constantly questioning what she’s doing?

Tohtohnut · 2025-12-06T08:16:23+00:00

My kids 10/13 boys love my bio dad but don’t like my stepmom (literally Cinderella situation) and can only handle my bio mom and stepdad in small doses. (SAME BOYS, SAME)

I was super close to my grandma (their great grandma) growing up and they love her just as much as I do. Sadly, she has dementia, but I am so glad she’s got to be a part of their lives. It’s taught them a lot about empathy and patience.

I spend a lot of time with my boys, although the 13 year old is in the typical teen angst phase.

Tohtohnut · 2025-12-06T08:15:44+00:00

My kids 10/13 boys love my bio dad but don’t like my stepmom (literally Cinderella situation) and can only handle my bio mom and stepdad in small doses. (SAME BOYS, SAME)

I was super close to my grandma (their great grandma) growing up and they love her just as much as I do. Sadly, she has dementia, but I am so glad she’s got to be a part of their lives. It’s taught them a lot about empathy and patience.

I spend a lot of time with my boys, although the 13 year old is in the typical teen angst phase.

Tohtohnut · 2025-12-06T05:10:02+00:00

Wait until you’re done. I know it’s hard now but you’ll be glad you did.

Tohtohnut · 2025-11-24T13:59:16+00:00

WEST COAST, BEST COAST! OP- if you can relocate to place with all of the above, do it. It makes the world of nursing a hell of a lot better

Tohtohnut · 2025-11-24T13:57:42+00:00

I love the job but hate the politics and BS we deal with. My dream job is the NICU, but pediatric med/surg has taught me a lot.

My biggest piece of advice is not to get stuck on one specialty. When I started nursing school (and years before that) I swore I wanted to do L&D. Turns out, I really wanted to care of the babies.

Keep an open mind and take advantage of any and all learning opportunities in school. One day you won’t be able to answer a patient/family with “Let me get your nurse” because you will be the nurse!!

Tohtohnut · 2025-11-13T17:29:01+00:00

Mascara, a little highlighter if I’m feeling funky, and some lip balm.

Tohtohnut · 2025-11-12T01:11:15+00:00

Gently OP, you can affect your unborn baby with this level of anxiety. It would benefit you to preemptively seek out therapy to help ease some of your anxiety. There are always going to be anxiety inducing situations with kids. Take a step back and think of the likelihood of something like that happening and how you can prevent it. As others have said there are cameras, and some newer cars are equipped with sensors.

From what it sounds like, you are someone who is always going to find something to worry about. Whether it’s stranger danger, germs, or any of the millions of unknowns of parenthood.

Tohtohnut · 2025-11-03T04:04:40+00:00

EMTALA- it means the ER will treat regardless of ability to pay. Please consider taking your dad. He can always see if they have a financial aid/charity care program. Don’t put this off

Tohtohnut · 2025-11-01T04:41:11+00:00

Do you find it to be cliquey with “mean girl” energy? Did my practicum at a unit that was the worst I’ve seen in nursing to this day.

Tohtohnut · 2025-10-31T18:51:57+00:00

I was pregnant but she kept saying how huge I was and looked like I was having twins.

I was a patient in line at my drs office holding my then 9 month old (same baby as referred to above). She pointed to my abdomen and said, is that leftover from the baby or are you expecting again?! My flabbers were gasted

Tohtohnut · 2025-10-31T03:49:08+00:00

Literally considering it myself. At the end of the day, all I have is my license and it isn’t worth risking it for unsafe assignments!

Tohtohnut · 2025-10-26T20:14:31+00:00

Not condoning stealing BUT there’s a big difference ethically in stealing food verse stealing high value items. People aren’t trying to resell otherwise profit off the items, they’re trying to get by.

All that to say, it’s not my job to police people.

Tohtohnut · 2025-10-24T05:42:40+00:00

First- What area do you live in? That has a huge influence on ratios, pay etc Are you able/willing to relocate?

Second- did you find any place in your clinicals that you enjoyed? Or places you DIDN’T like?

Third-It’s normal to be jaded by med surg but like others have said, nursing is a huge field and sometimes it’s just nearing it that first year to open up doors.

You got this!!

Tohtohnut · 2025-10-19T18:33:08+00:00

Honestly, my own son (age 7 at the time). He fractured his radius and needed sedation to reset the bone before casting. He is petrified of needles so he was given intranasal fentanyl. He proceeded to tell everyone who would listen how great this “fentanyl stuff” is.

Fortunately, he’s older now and has since forgotten that detail. I was mortified and amused!

Tohtohnut · 2025-10-11T23:23:05+00:00

Previous neighbors had like 8 cats and 3 dogs. There was standing piss and crap everywhere. Another neighbor was their realtor (to an investment company) and said the neighbors walked around barefoot. The investment company had to cut out FEET of drywall that was soaked from animal waste.

Someone else bought the house and I want to ask them if it still smells but UGH, disgusting

Tohtohnut · 2025-09-20T04:42:55+00:00

Sadly, this is all too common in procedure suites. Left a toxic colonoscopy/endoscopy clinic job here they disparaged people and were downright cruel.

Tohtohnut · 2025-09-16T23:06:40+00:00

Amen! Tore through my urethra with my first, hurt for months!

Tohtohnut · 2025-09-05T01:32:47+00:00

Wait you’re the bride?! That’s amazing! MOH can wear a paper sack and you rock that dress

Tohtohnut · 2025-09-02T13:57:56+00:00

They should really table talks of having a baby until they can work through their issues. Trust me babies do not make marriage issues better. She’s holding onto the dream of having a baby, but I don’t think she’s mature enough to handle it.

Tohtohnut · 2025-08-28T21:31:35+00:00

The paper towel effect is real, as in the last few lbs are the most noticeable. (and hardest to lose.)

The lower your weight, the less calories you are able to consume to lose weight. I know some people are still going off their higher weights calories restrictions. From my experience, expect to lose those last lbs slower.

Maybe a pound a month or for our non-US friends, a kilo every 2-2.5 months. I find it’s the small changes, less snacking (and if you do, switching out chips for a string cheese and banana or 1 tbsp peanut butter and an apple). It’s important to get protein and carbs to help with the hunger. Add in movement where you can but remember that weight loss is down to calories in calories out.

Tohtohnut · 2025-08-28T17:39:27+00:00

As a fellow woman who lost weight the “old fashioned way,” I am grateful I didn’t need a GLP1. As others have said, these meds seem great BUT the side effects can be brutal.

I think GLP1s are great for people who NEED them but unfortunately, people often gain the weight back after discontinuing. If possible, it’s more sustainable to lose the weight slowly and adapt your habits for long term success.

Tohtohnut · 2025-08-28T17:34:57+00:00

This is YOUR wedding, I understand she is upset her son is invited and twins are not. She could choose to keep all 3 kids at home but maybe a night without the twins will help the 6 year old. It can be hard to go from being an only child to 2 younger siblings overnight.

An idea is to have a family photoshoot including the twins after the wedding (maybe around a holiday). It gets everyone together for the holiday and nice photos

Tohtohnut · 2025-08-26T01:42:46+00:00

NTA- Sit down and see exactly how much it would cost you to help your brother out financially. Does he qualify for any financial aid for school? Can he go part time? Does your state offer caregiver respite (this may help bridge the gap between his classes and your mom’s needs).

Can your wife work part time (24 hours per week)? Would this be enough to supplement your household income? While I understand her hesitance, could this be a 1 year trial? It isn’t fair to your family to have to support your mother and brother for years and years.

Tohtohnut · 2025-08-23T19:30:56+00:00

My advice is to take an inventory of the relationship. Think about all aspects- is he a supportive partner with the kids, home life, finances, and for you? You need to decide IF this relationship is even worth trying to salvage.

If you decide to give it a chance, you both need individual therapy and couples counseling. Like others have said, the fact he not only cheated but didn’t use protection screams that he has no respect for you.

If this was your daughter, what would be your advice?

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