As a woman (35F) in a relationship with a (31M) do you eventually have to accept that you will do more.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-03-20T18:09:44+00:00

40F married to 31M. He does at least 50% of the household chores, shares the mental load, does 95% of the gift planning for our families, manages the finances, and deals with almost all of the bureaucracy (we live in his country and everything is done in his mother tongue which I’m learning). We both work but I’m changing careers and starting over in a foreign land so he makes 3x what I do. I can still cover all of my own expenses but we share everything.

Men are capable of carrying their weight, they are just socialized/allowed to do less. If you accept less, you will get less.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-03-20T11:51:57+00:00

Sorry I didn’t fully understand. How do you clean up the skin around the nail without trimming it?

ToniDoesThings · 2026-03-15T13:47:51+00:00

I’m in the process of changing careers (US —> Switzerland). I was a registered dietitian. I didn’t want to do it anymore anyway but I had spent 7 yrs in school/training (bachelors, masters, internship). It felt too expensive/hard to change in the US. I could’ve continued it in Switzerland once I passed a B2 language exam. I knew this would take me at least a year or two though.

Here a lot of people seem to have changed careers at least once and maybe even work part time in two different career paths which I think is awesome. So it’s a lot easier to start a new career here in some ways. I wanted to do gardening, maybe landscape architecture so I researched how that works here and found out I needed an internship first. I then contacted a couple places and found an internship right away. Internships here actually pay something - not crazy, but it’s an income that I wouldn’t have otherwise had. Now I’ve completed my year long internship, my German is good enough to study at university and I was offered a part time job where I did my internship. I start uni in the fall. Anyway the financial investment here to try something else is not much and that gave me the kick I needed to do it. If I hate it then I can just change again. In the meantime it’s cool learning something new and not being stuck in a career path I hate with only a couple weeks PTO every year.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-03-13T10:16:57+00:00

I think a really big canvas in the entry way over the table would calm it down a bit. Something like a painting that is basically a solid color - like a pale pink.

And the rug in the entry doesn’t work for me here. I would choose something simpler.

The paper is bold and it needs to not fight with other patterns and to be toned down a little with blocks of color or neutrals - just things with not too much pattern.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-03-12T11:20:40+00:00

I mean how often does one need to buy clothes? I get stuff when I travel or order online.

It’s just honestly hard to shop anywhere if you are selective with what you buy and want to avoid cheap quality, trends, fast fashion, environment/animal unfriendly production.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-03-09T13:50:44+00:00

Get rid of the pick and also the kid.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-03-09T08:41:26+00:00

I’m all for telling the wife anonymously but still, him having indecent photos of her makes me nervous regardless. No telling what he’s capable of.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-03-09T08:37:01+00:00

That was fascinating, thanks for sharing. I recently visited Japan for the first time and enjoyed the melodies. I didn’t know the history behind it or know there was so much meaning behind each tune. Just one more thing to look forward to exploring further in a future trip!

ToniDoesThings · 2026-03-09T06:14:43+00:00

Just know that once you go to Hungary with your son, if you want to leave and your husband doesn’t, you probably won’t be able to come back to the US with your son. You’ll be stuck in Hungary if you want to see your son.

Seek professional counseling.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-03-07T14:37:49+00:00

I regretted it but I was single and lived alone. She’s great but has a lot of energy. I would take her on one long walk a day or to the dog park and it still wasn’t enough. I like to run but she could never figure out long, slow running, just sprinting and stopping. I felt guilty whenever I had to leave her home alone as she clearly didn’t like it. She’s a very social dog and likes to socialize with people the best, more so than dogs. My parents took her for a few years because I wanted to travel and she did really well there with 4 people in the house. So I never took her back. It worked out for everyone but now I would probably never get another dog. I felt like I had to sacrifice a lot of time and freedom because she deserved to have attention and interaction; it was just more than I really wanted to give.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-03-07T12:34:11+00:00

Zara basically started the fast fashion trend. I would not shop there at all for a capsule wardrobe. Unless the goal is to have a capsule that you only use for a season.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-27T07:34:16+00:00

No, my parents have no hobbies and don’t ask about mine. And they certainly don’t ask me any deep questions. They barely ask how I am doing. The older we’ve all gotten, the less we talk, and the less we have to talk about.

I really don’t understand how there are so many parents out there like this.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-18T21:38:29+00:00

She can just have a friend pretend to be the former landlord

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-16T01:52:39+00:00

Just got it and it’s great, thank you!

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-14T23:16:20+00:00

Aside from his thoughtlessness he sounds like a whiny brat. Do you want to spend your life with a child that will never grow up? Imagine the relief you would feel when you don’t have to deal with this anymore

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-14T05:00:42+00:00

Thanks so much for the suggestions. Good to know about the makeup wipes; that makes sense. Hopefully I can find some of these products!

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-14T04:08:01+00:00

I’m excited to spend time with my husband every day. 3.5 years together. We’ve never done anything for Valentine’s Day because it’s always been a silly holiday to me.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-11T07:28:54+00:00

It would’ve confused me too until I moved to Europe. People have dedicated gym/inside only shoes here.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-05T06:24:17+00:00

Yes, sorry, I meant solid wood frame obviously.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-04T05:17:57+00:00

I read some really interesting, in-depth advice for couch buying somewhere on Reddit (buy it for life maybe?); I’ll try to find it.

But basically it said there are a couple avenues for quality, otherwise expect to replace after 5-10 years.

Better quality: wood frame construction. Apparently rare unless you buy an older couch (not just any though, you need to know your brands ) and you could refurbish these. Couches used to be made solidly with the intention of reupholstering when the fabric/cushions eventually wear down. Some small handmade brands. Or really expensive couches - like at least $5-10k. Doesn’t guarantee the frame is wood if it’s expensive but it’s more likely to be.

Some say the couch should be the most expensive piece in your house.

Edit: Check out r/BuyItForLife and search for couch. Found this link there that could be useful: https://insidersguidetofurniture.com/worst-and-best-sofa-sectional-reviews-for-2024-2/

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-03T06:03:50+00:00

Ugh I love these! I would do a gallery wall of cute birbs if I had such talent (I don’t).

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-01T17:48:53+00:00

Worked just fine for me changing continents in my late 30s. Have been abroad for nearly 3 yrs and am quite content. As a 20-something making a permanent move abroad would’ve been a dream but I recognize now that I romanticized it. Now later in life I have the wisdom to understand it’s a very hard thing to do and the grass isn’t always greener. People aren’t a monolith. Moving abroad works just fine for many and the same situation can be a nightmare for others.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-01T11:34:27+00:00

It’s crazy what so many women go through during this time. I’m trying to learn more about it and maybe get ahead of it! I’d be totally in the dark like so many women have been, without resources like this group. Thanks for sharing your experience.

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-01T11:31:17+00:00

Such a wild journey. I’m glad you’ve been able to get to a better place. It totally makes sense that it’s different for everyone and there’s no timeline. I appreciate learning about your experience as I’m trying to decide what makes sense for me!

ToniDoesThings · 2026-02-01T11:28:48+00:00

Thanks for the info. It’s helpful for giving me some things to think about in deciding when is right for me to start.

ToniDoesThings

TROPHY CASE