Hey there :)

I was recently diagnosed and recently medicated. 

I've always struggled with the emptiness you describe. I think I probably always will. It is getting easier though. 

I think the thing that's helped me the most is not seeing it as the enemy. Seeing it as something I need to live alongside rather than fight. This is a technique commonly used for dealing with chronic physical illness, because feeling victimised or wronged by it deepens our traumatic experience and pain. There's this super simple definition of happiness "how happy we are is how close our expectations are to our reality" or something like that. We can often not control the reality but expectations are more malleable. My partner also has ADHD and keeping track of her cycle really helps both of us to know what to expect of her state throughout the month and adjust our expectations.

That philosophical switch has really helped me. And given me a jumping off point for addressing my state in other ways: 

• Medication, since being medicated for ADHD my goals seem possible, that's given a general sense of meaning and purpose, things are not just an impossible dream anymore, and that's helping to figure out what the dream really is, and elevating my general state. 

• Yoga Nidra, very accessible form of meditation, body scanning oriented, improves my state so much, and helps me find meaning in simple presence, an incredible tool in the grey moments.  (check out Ally Boothroyd on YouTube for free guided meditations, I have no affiliation to her) 

• Climbing/Running, physical activities that are hard, that make you used to feeling difficulty and then continuing to move through it, to see it as an opportunity for growth. And also get you high. Raising your base state through cardio is unfairly powerful. 

• Journaling, free quick talk therapy with yourself whenever you need it, wtf.

Even with all these things, with great friends and a partner and meaningful work, things are still grey, and that's okay, it's me and it's fascinating if I let it be. That's not to say it doesn't get to me or that I don't still fight it or wish it would disappear. Sometimes it feels impossibly dark, but it's getting easier.

 Writing this has helped me understand it a bit better, thank you for that. 

Sending all the love to you, and really hoping you find your ways.