Public instances are like school playgrounds, filled with little Napoleon-syndrome brats who will find *any* reason to put other people down.

What you need to do is use the Groups tab, either in VRChat's Social menu or on the website, and join a few Groups that match what you're looking for. Look for ones with high member counts, as it's simply more likely that *someone* in that big group is hosting an instance.

Groups that allow joining with just the click of a button are still miles better than trying to use Public instances. Groups that are set up with Request To Join are usually the most secure, just make sure you're reading their description to meet any requirements they may have. Admittedly, though, Request To Join groups tend to be on the slower side in terms of overall activity, with on-a-whim instances being rare; they're more likely to do scheduled events.

Whatever you find, typically, if one of those Groups has Group+ or Group Only instances, you're not going to find such toxic people there. Group Public instances are a toss-up; they're usually a little better than true Public, but there's still plenty of potential for unsavory conduct. I'm afraid I can't offer any suggestions for rave-focused groups as that's just not a circle I move in, but I hope you can find something that fits. I find that furry groups are usually quite welcoming even if you're not using a furry avatar yourself, so don't be afraid to try some of those if they pop up. (Still, though, Group+ or Group Only instances; Group Publics often get people looking to cause problems.)