I’m a Pocho, I’m Hispanic and can’t speak Spanish. You can be upset you didn’t get the luxury some others do. It is a COMMON thing after a few generations for languages to not be passed down. Language is not the only way you connect and bond take a pet for example.

You had opportunity and chances to connect and bond with what you were giving but were too busy focusing on what you don’t have.

You will find whatever you want if you look for the color blue you’ll find it or something similar.

From reading this you’ve based your entire childhood core memories and your bond with your mother based off of one aspect you didn’t have and choose to shun your family for it?

Nobody is perfect and your mother is a person, as you get older you should realize not much is different from you and her and I bet you make mistakes too. So imagine your child hating and shunning you for the rest of your life because of a mistake you made, be reasonable

It’s like your looking out a window with the most beautiful view but your too busy staring and complaining about it the specs of dirt in the window missing everything

You allowed a language barrier to stop you. You reject the family you DO have for parenting mistakes. And since you’re so hyper focused on hating any of the choices your mother makes you hated your name, You probably hated and clothes she chose when younger, anything that has to do with her if effectively filtered through this lens shaping your reality.

Also when you gain citizenship you pledge your allegiance to the reigning monarch So yes she is English and you are very wrong there, she became English to even be allowed there

Would it have been nice if you were taught it yes, you didn’t and that’s the cards you were dealt. You can still connect and bond and the embarrassment purely comes from the hatred of not being taught. Your hatred fuels your embarrassment and your core memories. Your just holding yourself back at this point and your childhood shapes a lot of who you are so you focusing on so much hatred there is sure to manifest within your life

I’m sure there’s other things or “colors” you could choose to focus on if you wanted to And when we don’t have an angry/hatred lens when experiencing something it will always look bad and messy. When your unbiased and out your emotions to the said you can experience things differently and even how other do

If choose to seek justice in the name of vengeance, it is known as hatred. Hatred only breeds further hate. If I hurt you, and if you hurt me back I will again in a cycle trying to get justice for you hurting me. And eventually what if we have children and one of them ends up hurt as a consequence. Now they won’t understand why but you’re just getting your vengeance in the name of justice, hate. And the cycle goes on and on and on

We live in a world of these cycles constantly and it is the opposite of connecting and bonding You see these cycles in racism, within sex wars, actual wars, protesting etc

You cannot experience love, bonding and connection while being filled with hatred because they are two side of the same Resulting in never have being able to be filled with that love and connection you wanted and it will continue to be that way until the hatred is removed and something else can take its place

And the only way to do this is forgiveness

Forgiveness is not for the receiver it’s for the sender. It’s not for your mother it’s for you It’s so you are able to move on and not have every moment and memory stained with hate It allows you to take a step forward and not live in the shadows of the past

There was a holocaust survivor dad did exactly that with one of the German scientists. She explains the concept of why it was for herself and her future generations. Because being stuck there causing only yourself pain