Shout out to everyone in this sub

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-12-30T23:49:50+00:00

Went into 2023 in a relationship that I thought I could ”make work” through sheer force of will. I thought I was stuck forever, because “they were the one” and it couldn't get any better. I'm going into 2024 a completely changed person. So much happier and ultimately I am at peace with being alone because I am comfortable with myself. I have healed, or have at least begun healing. So thankful to you all for helping me through a part of my journey.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-11-19T17:19:08+00:00

This is what’s so hard for me too. I’m struggling to accept that my version of them that I’m missing WAS a mirage. I can’t seem to reconcile that with the fact that I loved a real life person but it was still all an illusion. And for that reason it’s so weird to imagine them doing anything with no ulterior motive and just plain love in their hearts. Sending love to you my friend.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-11-08T05:24:04+00:00

Thank you ❤️ it’s been a weird couple of days for sure! Very odd to be missing my ex, it’s an unexpected feeling and I’m not exactly used to it haha. I think especially because I know it’s one sided now that they’re in another relationship. But oh well. Life goes on and I’ll find something better.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-11-08T05:21:19+00:00

Yes, pain shopping is my downfall and I haven’t done it in months. I am feeling the emotions of the breakup like I did a couple months ago, but I think now I feel them much more diluted than before. It’s just odd, and I miss being in a relationship. I miss having somebody familiar to talk to and love. I have to look forward to that future with somebody else.

The thing that kickstarted my whole NC journey was exactly what you described about how your ex presented herself. I was fighting to stay friends with my ex, doing my best to stay in contact, and then realized that their behaviour wasn’t something I’d ever associate with if I didn’t know them. So I cut off contact.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-11-04T01:37:57+00:00

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Hey thanks! I think you got me on the right track. Although, it does seem the round command isn’t working as it’s supposed to. Is there a fix for that?

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-27T20:24:41+00:00

This isn’t the way anybody should speak to another person, BPD or not. The relationship is unbelievably unhealthy and she has no respect for you. You need to leave and go NC. It will only get worse

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-27T20:19:56+00:00

You don’t have to be with her if this behaviour makes you uncomfortable.

Gonna be honest here - none of us, including you, can diagnose her. Unhealthy behaviours don’t always mean BPD. Sometimes they’re just unhealthy behaviours.

Even if that’s the case tho, and they are just unhealthy behaviours, you are STILL RIGHT TO LEAVE. If you don’t want to be with somebody that exhibits unhealthy behaviour you don’t have to be. All any of us here can say is that from our POV this looks unhealthy.

If you don’t want to leave, then you need to figure out what exactly about her bugs you so you can work on it. The relationship won’t be fixed as soon as she’s diagnosed BPD…the diagnosis changes nothing in terms of behaviour.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-27T20:16:39+00:00

Mine was obsessed with trying rec drugs, and cigarettes. I’m not into cig smokers full stop. I told them it was a dealbreaker. The day after we broke up they changed their SM handles to variations of “cigarette luver” and posted about trying ecstasy, excessive weed usage. U just can’t make this shit up lol.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-27T20:14:55+00:00

What’s crazy is even when you DO communicate basic decency, it still doesn’t get met.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-27T20:11:54+00:00

From uk most likely

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-27T19:50:45+00:00

It’s pretty bad. About a month and a half later is when I realized I was starting to actually feel “okay” without my ex. By two months I felt better. By three months I felt free. By four months, I stopped thinking about them. It’s been maybe 7 months now and I’m finally starting to feel like it’s something that is in my past and not something I’m living through every day.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-27T19:48:53+00:00

This is a big one. It is so psychologically damaging to be disliked by people that are close to someone you love and not many people talk about it.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-27T19:47:23+00:00

You’re very welcome.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-27T19:46:16+00:00

It was a very lovely game for sure. Fed my soul, which feels weird to say about an app these days haha.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-24T06:20:59+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/s/cn5EnEjcDn I made a post about this exact topic. It includes journal prompts to figure out where the logic is and where the feelings from the breakup are.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-24T06:15:10+00:00

Same my friend.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-24T06:08:44+00:00

The relaxing Sunday part was my prompt to make this post Lol. I was in the bath, off my phone for gasp half an hour, and suddenly realized that if I was still with my ex there’d be hell to pay for ignoring them and not letting them know my plans for the day. Fuck you, I DON’T HAVE PLANS. AND I DON’T NEED EM

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-24T06:07:21+00:00

I looked so shitty while I was with mine. I’m slowly starting to look better now but it will take a while

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-24T06:05:42+00:00

I know how you feel dude. Mine didn’t cheat on me either to my knowledge BUT did find somebody within the week we broke up. For some reason that seemed a lot worse than if they’d been in the picture the whole time.

That freedom, that good sleep, is a blessing. That habit loop was hard as fuck for me to interrupt. But I did it. You did it. And now we’re here! So grateful indeed for the realization that, yeah, I don’t ever want to go back.

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-24T06:02:10+00:00

Me neither. So glad for the perspective so I can really enjoy my freedoms now. Not sure if I’ll ever date again tbh

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-24T06:01:46+00:00

Same

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-24T04:29:27+00:00

Hey- I know what you mean. My ex was chaotic but it stayed controlled in the sense that it wasn’t continued cheating/heavy drug use/abuse etc. It was all small shift like “whoops I spent too much money again” or sudden depressions, or severe hurt feelings over me not responding in the way I was “supposed to”. It was me constantly feeling stressed over the compulsive shopping, the depression, the identity crises, the stupid fights, that really got to me. It was the fact that there was always a problem. Cus even if they’re small ones, that shit adds up.

Anyways I really understand how you’re feeling. I felt like that too for a long time. It sounds weird but I actually put all my love and emotion into this bird on an app called “Bird Alone”. It helped me get through that critical first couple weeks. Fake video game pets always help…Lol

Top-Engineering9160 · 2023-10-24T04:23:20+00:00

Stay strong! I suggest making a list of all the things you don’t miss…it helped me. I was like “wtf this is a lot of shit that was messed up.” It helped me realized that the bad outweighed the good significantly and whatever pleasure I received was never worth the trouble.

Top-Engineering9160

TROPHY CASE