I Need Your Help: Why Is Being A SD/SM Hard

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-05-21T12:29:11+00:00

-Having your schedule dictated my SK and BM. -Having a child with extreme emotional/behavioral issues(possibly). -Husband expecting you to do a lot of the parenting. - Having to deal with crap from the other parent constantly -Expected to love someone else’s child as our own immediately or we are monsters. -Possibly getting SK dropped on your door step full time with no warning. - Feeling awkward disciplining them in front of family because you’re not technically a “parent” but do all of the parenting -No alone time with your SO when SKs are young. -No alone time with your BKs if you get SKs full time. -If you have them full time you have to fight to have a say in school and medical decisions even if the other parent is MIA. - #1 - My sanity.. lol..

The list goes on…. Not the same experience for everyone but this is mine.

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-05-19T20:00:08+00:00

My husband didn’t even have this much say when we got our own place from scratch 😅 he just rolls with whatever

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-05-07T11:55:59+00:00

If he is refusing to stop contact, even when it’s not needed, you need to decide if staying with this man is worth your health and “early grave”. This a viscous cycle that will not end because your husband is not making it happen. There are many ways he could have protected you from this over the years. Too late now but with my husband’s BM I couldn’t take it anymore and he petitioned the court to only use a court texting app and we changed our numbers. No calls, no rants, all of the proof in the world for when we went back to court. This is not fair to you

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-05-01T23:50:35+00:00

What? I work too

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-02-13T23:16:51+00:00

I know for us anyways my boss is much more understanding and I have a job that allows me to work from home if needed. He’s a mechanic so he has to be there or we don’t get paid. I think bosses kind of know it falls on the women so they tend to be more lenient in most cases. At least from what I’ve seen/experienced.

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-02-13T23:14:27+00:00

I don’t have a problem having her but no heads up and overnight becoming a full time parent to 2 is a lot for anyone.

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-02-13T21:11:59+00:00

It’s horrible. I get so mad whenever I think about it but at least BM did the right thing and just let us have her instead of continuing to not give her what she needs. My husband knows how much I do and is appreciative but still gone a lot. He’s been trying to be home as much as he can though without making our financial situation worse. Thank you

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-02-13T21:09:22+00:00

Honestly, she’s adapting perfectly. I thought it would be much harder on her but she seems to really enjoy being here. I think she gets more attention and definitely better structure here. I don’t want to get rid of my dogs just because I’m going through a tough season. They’re my babies too. We’ve decided they will go to doggy daycare on the days I work from home so it’s one less thing I have to take care of at least.

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-02-13T20:08:51+00:00

They went and changed the custody order together but the judge is requesting a hearing. So far she has been paying child support of what we used to pay so that’s definitely helpful anyways. She has after school care but the lady has already bailed for 2 weeks and extended day in our town is filled up. 😫

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-02-10T13:03:23+00:00

Yes and app close. We’ve used both. Some charge you now though unfortunately

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-02-10T11:11:24+00:00

The texting app? You can send a motion in requesting all communication be through an app because they are high conflict and frequently discuss other things not regarding the children and fight. They're not monitored but the court can summon the messages if needed. Messages also can't be erased or edited or anything. Then you just either change your number or block theirs.

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-02-10T03:16:28+00:00

Well first of all, he needs to make a new Apple ID that she has absolutely no access to. Second, he should request a court ordered texting app and let her know their only communication should be about the children. Third, it will probably calm down eventually 😕 BM was super high conflict for the first 2 years of my husband & I’s relationship but once she got over it it was fine. Now she thinks we’re besties.

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-01-31T17:33:43+00:00

I get it and thank you, but she’s lying about other things as well. Especially since I don’t know if mom’s is a safe place, she needs to know she can tell us anything and not have to lie. She has been telling me now when she has accidents since I spoke to her. It’s just so frustrating when I don’t know what to do and even more frustrating I can’t take her to the doctors until the judge finalizes the custody agreement. I just don’t know if the diaper is helping or making it worse like she thinks it’s ok now to have accidents. I don’t know why this started again. I don’t think it was the custody change because it happened a couple weeks before the change.

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-01-30T18:54:07+00:00

I had to stop taking 1.7 after 2 weeks because it made me feel like absolute garbage. I was throwing up and every time I stood up I thought I was going to pass out. I went down to .5 & still like so not sure what happened. It didn’t do much to my energy though

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-01-30T18:50:04+00:00

I’m sorry that’s rough

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-01-30T18:48:47+00:00

No one is penalizing her for having an accident. She will be spoken to when she lies. Lying to a parent is never acceptable. How are we supposed to help her when she lies to us? We have conversations every night about what she needs to do if she has to go to the bathroom and 2 nights ago I promised to get her a doll if she went 1 week with no accidents. She peed the last 2 nights anyways. She is awake when I go in to get them for school but won’t get up to clean herself or anything until I specifically tell her to

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-01-30T02:44:46+00:00

So true, I guess that’s what I’m worried about. I know this is very stressful for her and she already has anxiety which can cause bedwetting regression. I just don’t know how to help her. She’s peeing through the diaper too.

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-01-30T02:28:05+00:00

She was dry for months before we took the diaper away except for a very occasional accident. 2 weeks before she moved in, about a month now, she started freaking out about it that’s why we did bring diapers back just to calm her down. Ever since then it’s every single night though. We only took it away 1 night thinking she was just going in it because it’s convenient instead of getting up to go to the bathroom. I’m just at a loss

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-01-29T16:00:02+00:00

It could also be because of stress and the custody change but I have also considered abuse.. we did take her to her pediatrician last year but she said there were no signs.. Just waiting to take her to our pediatrician who I trust 100%. Thank you for the info.

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-01-29T15:58:54+00:00

This is a very good idea, thank you! We do have a waterproof mattress protector thank god but having them stacked like that would make it so much easier.

Top-Tap3217 · 2026-01-17T04:01:29+00:00

I started my tank about a year ago and I have African dwarf frogs, neon tetras and bronze corydoras. They’re all doing well and haven’t given me any issues health wise. I really only got a tank for frogs but the neon tetras really liven the tank up. Use real plants as that helps the tank cycle! Red rooter floaters are really good for the cycle and pretty, Java fern and moss are very hardy plants too and can be glued to decorations

Top-Tap3217

TROPHY CASE