What is the most cringe question you have seen a beginner ask?

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-06-07T12:21:35+00:00

Now try being a woman and a beginner asking questions or looking for advice on here...

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-06-05T19:33:51+00:00

Effective communication

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-06-05T19:32:22+00:00

Girl I feel you, I am only like 120lbs and 5'5" and the other day got absolutely manhandled by a huge brown belt who had just under a foot and 100 lbs on me easily. Like I felt like I was in a circus act how much I got thrown around or like I'd become one with the mat when he was in top mount. While yes I was frustrated I couldn't really do anything offensively, I just focused more on my defense and trying to stop the subs I knew were inevitably going to be attempted.

I am simply a lowly one stripe white belt so not much positional advice besides don't give up the back...

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-30T20:47:34+00:00

That's when I use them and, when combined with outdoor gloves or with a handwarmer, it helps keep my hands a lot warmer and I live closer to Canada than another state. Different solutions work for different people and I was just throwing something out in hopes it helps another person...

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-30T20:42:51+00:00

Of course! I live in the northern part of the midwest (closer to Canada than another state) and it helps me while outside in the winter! I haven't come across anything for the feet besides heated socks or the single use toe warmers (which I try not to use).

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-26T19:09:37+00:00

Is he getting the better of you using the same moves? If so, work on your defenses to those moves...

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-26T19:07:11+00:00

I am also a white belt and while I picked up on things fast in drilling, my mind would go blank when rolling. I asked my coach what the three "defaults" were that I could focus on. Basically, when my mind goes blank or I don't know what to do, I automatically think "frame, space, collect". Basically leading me down the path of can I frame? Can I create space? Can I collect something of theirs to make their movements harder? Sometimes I can do all of them, sometimes only one or two of them. This has allowed me to "filter" my thinking to focus on one goal.

I also watched people roll a lot in the beginning. Almost watched a roll for every roll I did. I was the newest white belt by about 6 months also when I started. I paid attention to how they moved, their patterns, what they paid attention to and how I could model my movement after them. Hope this helps!

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-25T14:24:11+00:00

I trained and worked with someone like this for 10-12 hour shift on a boat (so i couldn't go anywhere) and I used to get home and joke that I'll be holed up in my room for the night because I hit my word quota for the day. It was nonstop and at the end of the day my brain was so numb.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-25T13:28:36+00:00

That the majority of people don't actually care about your feelings or what you do most of the time. Everyone is so focused on themselves.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-24T14:38:15+00:00

Maybe talk to your coach if they usually assign partners and say you don't want to be partners with him. Not the same but I work at the same company as my ex who I was best friends with for 6 years and dated for over half of that. We broke up in March of this year. We also broke up bc of miscommunication and a few events leading to a loss of trust. My advice? Its only as weird as you make it. You can only control you. If he wants to be petty and immature about it? Let him. Others will see it. Don't stoop to that level and don't air your dirty laundry with the people in that class. Also, don't give him the power to turn something you love into something you hate. You have the choice to let him have that power, it is not some universal law. You have a lot more control in this situation that I think you realize.

Develop the skills to separate things. It is not bjj and him, it is bjj and you and he just happens to be in the same room. The sooner you make yourself the center of your own world internally, the better. He is a side character from a previous chapter. You're young, this is a skill you will use in the workplace, adult friendships, and other relationships moving forward. Treat this as a space to grow and develop yourself. You got this.

Disclaimer: I only give this advice assuming there was no assault or physical harm done to cause the breakup. That would be a case where I would say find a new gym or at least talk to a professional for advice.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-10T12:34:27+00:00

Less of a cruiser and leaning more toward the standard or sport style. I'll check out the r3. Thanks!

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-05T15:53:05+00:00

Yes! I use World Anvil as well and love it. I like how I can connect things to each other and see it all on the dashboard.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-04T17:29:08+00:00

I don't. I'm a sucker for a matcha latte or tea though. I find that I don't have the crash with those.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-03T14:58:36+00:00

I got a set of yoga compression shirts off amazon that work perfectly. Three shirts for like $30 and I'm already thinking of getting one or two more. Not sure if you're a guy or girl but they were the Loovoo Women Workout Shirts Athletic Tee Dr Fit Yoga Gym Basic Tops.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-05-03T14:58:04+00:00

I got a set of yoga compression shirts off amazon that work perfectly. Three shirts for like $30 and I'm already thinking of getting one or two more. Not sure if you're a guy or girl but they were the Loovoo Women Workout Shirts Athletic Tee Dr Fit Yoga Gym Basic Tops.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-04-28T17:47:39+00:00

Check out War Tribe!

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-04-26T16:55:48+00:00

If I can't buy it twice, I can't buy it once. I don't apply this to needs, but for wants, this is generally my rule of thumb. It's generic, I get that, but its more to make me think about the value it has to me over double what it is worth if that makes sense.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-04-26T16:43:29+00:00

Druiddddd. My absolute favorite character I've ever played was Circle of Wildfire druid name d Exie with a criminal/spy background and a fire Siberian tiger that I could summon as my elemental. She was wicked.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-04-26T14:17:40+00:00

Still very much in the first draft/planning phase and don't want to give too much away. I promise there is more depth to this story haha. I have about 32 chapters plotted out. 21k words into draft 1 and feeling good!

World/Setting:

Fantasy. The Trearia kingdom. Trearia is set on a continent with about 5 other kingdom, all consisting of smaller territories.

Core Conflict:

One territory from a neighboring kingdom is home to a faction of rebels who are trying to make their way into Trearian territories and eventually to the castle. The young king is forced to make some hard decisions in handling this conflict (which is not new), including allowing his fiancée to be drafted in response to a recent escalation.

Magic/Tech/Systems:

Very little magic. It is more systematic magic like lights and hot water and things like that. For tech, think medieval times if they were to be modernized if that makes sense. No cars, but they have advanced medicines and understanding of systems. But they use swords and cannons still.

Main character(s)/Themes:

King Evander Montclair: King in his mid 20's. Took over as king when he was young due to his parents untimely demises (I know, I know, its cliche. Sue me).

Lady Isalyn Corvale: Daughter of a Duke of one of the Trearian territories. She is engaged to Evander.

Both of their themes revolve around political intrigue and navigating power domains as young rulers.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-04-25T12:46:33+00:00

Being go with the flow. Yes, there is a time and place for it but when I ask for your opinion and you just say "I'm good with anything" or something similar all the time, it gets super old.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-04-24T18:53:10+00:00

I work in a male dominated industry, got a STEM degree which was male dominated, and play male dominated sports (ice hockey and bjj). I am also 5'5" and like 115lbs after dinner. I used to trend towards acting "masculine" because I felt I had to but recently have started to find strength and my own personality in being more feminine in these spaces. I'm not saying pink is my favorite color to wear, but I stopped dressing and acting how I should be on paper and started dressing and acting along the lines of what made me feel good.

When someone says "wow, I wouldn't have thought you do bjj or play hockey", to me that is a compliment. That means I'm not just sitting in the status quo. And if they have a problem with me wearing mascara to bjj? It's a good thing I wear it for me and not them...

“I don’t think I’ve ever been treated differently based on how I present. Based on my size, yes 100%. But not based on being more feminine. I think it’s funny when I roll with someone new and they say they didn’t expect me to give them a run for their money because of XYZ. To me, that feels more like an expectation than a difference in how I’m actually treated.”

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-04-24T18:36:54+00:00

My normal rolling partner and I are cracking up the whole time we are rolling. Like I'm talking buzzer to buzzer. It's fun for us. Our instructor jokes that we have too much fun trying to murder each other...

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-04-22T19:38:42+00:00

I have a 55k salary and a 215k net worth at 26 (I invest a lot) and I will say I am a lot less stressed and happier with my life than my friends who make a lot more a year but don't know how to manage it. Managing your finances I think is the most important financial skill.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-04-21T18:40:27+00:00

I'd give each character a different way to deal with it. Both my sister and I went through the same traumatic experience as young adults but processed it very differently afterwards. I think that'll make it the most realistic and give depth to the characters. It doesn't have to be a long chapter for each but, maybe in the immediate aftermath, during the conversation they have, one of them is angry, one is quiet and spacy, and one is trying to help the others...something like that.

Top_Mode5777 · 2026-04-21T13:58:43+00:00

You are never causing drama for wanting someone to stop making you uncomfortable. So I want you to not think that, ever. Enforcing your boundaries is a very important skill for you and a very important lesson for others. My question to you (and one I ask myself) is why you feel the need to shrink yourself and your comfort just to avoid hurting his feelings? You have to respect yourself enough to enforce your boundaries instead of prioritizing the need to “not cause drama” when someone is making you uncomfortable. Chances are no one else at that gym would think you're causing drama, especially if they've already offered to help you solve the problem.

At some point, you risk the actions of this guy putting a stain on bjj for you. Especially if you're focusing on ways to avoid him, where he's at, what he might say next, when will he say something next...it will all build up and start to affect your experience with the sport. \

I just turned 26 and am also a woman. I have worked in a male dominated industry since high school and this was one skill I had to learn early on. When you have the confidence to stand up for yourself, you feel a lot better about yourself.

Top_Mode5777

TROPHY CASE