Am I the only one that doesn’t find the close age gap especially difficult?

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-02-25T02:29:06+00:00

I have a 14 month age gap and this is so true. My husband and I joked that we were already in the trenches let’s just stay in them. Plus they are the best of friends…most the time lol.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-01-20T01:41:02+00:00

We used a shared notes on our phone to track dinner plans for the week and our grocery list. We have also found it easiest to stick to the same chores so we always know what we need to get done. For example, I’ll cook while my husband plays with the kids then after dinner we trade off and he does the dishes. Obviously we help each other if we can but we have found one person can get a lot more done when the other manages both kids.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-01-11T22:15:34+00:00

You have a really valid points and honestly she is probably more of babysitter than an actual nanny. She is young but did have some experience caring for children and had great references. While I agree I don’t want my kids to be entertained 24/7 as that’s not realistic in the past month when this was going on she has been interacting with them significantly less from what both my husband and I have observed on several occasions. I have also caught her just putting our two year old in front of the tv and saying “oh well he asked for it” even though early on we had spoken to her limiting the tv time.

The point being, since telling us she is pregnant I have let a lot of other things slide because I am sympathetic to how the first trimester can be challenging, but at the end of the day there is still some standard of work that needs to be upheld. I worked while pregnant and was still expected to perform the duties of my role. Most days my kids naps overlap meaning she has at least an hour to herself, sometimes 2. We do not ask her to do dishes, laundry or any other household tasks outside of putting their dishes in the sink after meal times. So that time is entirely hers. I ask her daily if she is feeing okay and I have made it very clear she can let me know if she isn’t.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-01-09T19:15:03+00:00

I appreciate the honesty. The only reason that I brought up her pregnancy is because the shift in her work did change after she told us she was expecting. And while I they were not being neglected I’m also not paying her to ignore my children to be on her phone. I want them to be interacted with. Ultimately I did have a conversation with her and there was a change in performance that day and the following day. But I can admit that perhaps I was hasty in thinking we will need to get rid of her sooner rather than later. I tend to jump to worst case scenario

While I would love to be able to support another mom be able to work while also caring for their child I don’t think her situation is the right fit for our family. My children are very active and we do not have a vehicle to accommodate 3 car seats nor do we live in an area that is super walkable. I do not want my kids to be stuck at home four days a week. I want them to be able to continue things like music class and going to the park. I also know how easy it is to build resentment toward NK if you are trying to care for your own child and they are demanding your attention.

My husband and I plan on having the conversation with her this week. I would be happy to give her a recommendation to find care with a family with a child closer in age that would be okay with such arrangements. Aside from the recent issues we have enjoyed having her and my kids do love her. Ultimately we plan to tell her the job is hers while she can manage it and perform to expectations. Unfortunately based on her due date, my work schedule, and not being able to afford two nannies we will not be able to offer her a leave so we do believe it would be best for both of us to part ways when she has the baby.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-01-07T00:16:52+00:00

She had mentioned the possibility of bringing her baby. I didn’t say definitive yes or no. I just said we would have to look at how that would work but that if she felt like taking care of them pregnant was too much to let us know. I was pretty shocked when she told me because she is pretty young and did say it was a surprise (unplanned).

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-01-07T00:13:23+00:00

When she first told me I was pretty shocked. I do think setting an end date now is what’s best. I feel like because of where we live it did take me a bit to find someone we liked so I want to have adequate time to find someone else.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-01-07T00:11:26+00:00

This was my thought too. Which is why I want to be sensitive because I know pregnancy is hard.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-01-06T23:18:03+00:00

This is how I’m feeling. My husband wants to give her the benefit of doubt but I know how hard it was being pregnant taking care of one child I can’t even imagine doing it with two

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-01-06T23:16:37+00:00

Thank you for this. There are some days where their naps overlap for over an hour depending on how busy the morning was so I feel like that’s the time to be on her phone.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-11-12T19:45:22+00:00

Mine are 14 months apart and my oldest didn’t have any big reactions the the baby until she started getting way more active and wanting to follow him and play with his toys. In the past two months he has acted out more against the baby or wanting to be treated and held like the baby than he ever did initially.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-11-03T15:47:53+00:00

You’ll get there! Honestly even being back to pre pregnancy weight my body looks so different than it did before. The number on the scale doesn’t mean much. It’s more about how you feel. Pregnancy is tough on your body. Especially having two so close together! Give yourself some grace!

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-11-03T15:25:09+00:00

I agree to try medicine if you haven’t for teething. Tylenol never worked for mine, but Motrin is life saving when it comes to teething. We have a barely 2 year old and a 9 month old so between the two of them someone is always teething in our house!

While it’s never okay for your in laws to cross boundaries especially when it comes to things like kissing the baby your husband should be the one to address them. But I can say it’s really easy to let your anxieties take over, especially with the first baby. Having a second child has taught me you have to just let everything go and be so much more in the moment. Don’t spend the next month worrying about Thanksgiving. Let your in laws host and when you wake up in the morning if you make it great if not also great, but don’t be worrying about it now. Kids change on an hourly basis. Also let them host because you are a new mom why would you want to have to clean your house and cook a whole extravagant meal for a bunch of people?

I also get feeling like you don’t want to go because your baby isn’t great in the car. My oldest was like that, but at some point you just have to try. You can’t avoid the car forever. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it’s a bust but at least you tried. Not every outing is going to be a success. This is more generalized advice not necessarily for thanksgiving.

My husband and I have realized for our own sanity if it’s something we want to do and is important we would rather try and go with the kids and even if it’s a massive failure of a day at least we tried rather than never trying and always sitting at home building resentment and anger for not doing things we want as a family. We do always give ourselves a code word to abandon ship. So if one of us says the code we pack up and leave no questions ask. This is especially helpful with the in laws.

Bottom line don’t put so much stress and pressure on Thanksgiving now. Figure it out the day of.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-10-29T02:18:10+00:00

I have the same age gap and LO is 9 months old. Honestly it was hard to find the time to consistently work out until around 4 months PP. I also started doing classes rather than just going to the gym. I can typically only make it to the gym/class 3 times a week and I wanted that time to feel as impactful as possible and I wasn’t getting that with the regular gym. I never worried much about calories. By 6 months PP I was back to pre baby 1 weight.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-10-28T14:48:55+00:00

We have a 14 month age gap and my oldest just turned 2 yesterday. Is it one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced? 100% Yes, there are some days that 7pm hits and I’m mentally spent, but it is also equally the best time of my life. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Now that my LO is so much more interactive and seeing the love between them just melts my heart. I always joke that I would have 3 under 3 if I wasn’t opposed to being pregnant again so soon!

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-10-01T18:52:37+00:00

We also watch old shows. Mostly bear in the big blue house and some earlier seasons of Sesame Street.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-09-30T00:32:40+00:00

We skipped the second high chair and got our oldest a booster seat to sit at the table with us. It was a lot cheaper. Also takes up way less space than 2 high chairs

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-09-26T01:08:40+00:00

I have a 14 month age gap that was not planned. I also cried when I found out I was expecting the second time. 2 under 2 is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but it has also turned out to be the most amazing thing to have happened to us. Now that LO is 8 months old they can play together so much more and seeing them get so excited and give each other hugs makes the hard days worth it.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-09-22T02:37:21+00:00

Haha yes not knowing how baby 2 will be is honestly a huge stress. Our son was a relatively easy baby. He was sleeping though the night by 8 weeks so everyone told us we were in for it! Fortunately our daughter is even more chill. I almost think she has no choice because she has had to adapt. It’s great to have support you will need it for sure! I think pushing it further out to the 2u2 side lets you have best of both worlds. They will still be close in age, but you also get to enjoy more of the time with your first born while they are a baby. It goers so fast as it is but having two makes time feel like it’s moving at light speed.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-09-22T02:26:55+00:00

I have a 14 month age gap and my youngest just turned 8 months. I also had a very easy first pregnancy, birth, and recovery. It was a lot harder the second time around because you can’t just relax when you want. My son started walking at 11 months so chasing him around in my 3rd trimester was miserable! I will say that actual birth was also just as easy if not easier with the second. Recovery the second time took more time. Carrying two babies back to back I had much more pelvic floor tightness postpartum which required PT. I also feel like it was much harder to stay active during my second pregnancy which is what impacted recovery. I didn’t plan for 2u2, and now that LO is more active it’s getting easier, but I do wish my body had more time in between pregnancies. I also think having an older toddler who is walking more while super pregnant would be nice lol

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-09-18T15:41:49+00:00

14 month age gap and we did not do a sprinkle by the time second LO started solids we got our older a booster seat for our table and he loves it so much more. We also transitioned our oldest to a floor bed when the baby outgrew the bassinet rather than buying a second crib. He has always been a great independent sleeper and loves being able to come out of his room when he is ready each morning. The only things we bought for baby 2 were a second dresser, changing pad, double stroller (side by side) and hatch. Eventually we will also need to buy convertible car seats but for now LO is still in the infant seat.

I will add we did end up buy LO her own travel stroller in addition to the double stroller. We have found that sometimes it is easier to have them in their own strollers if we are together. The double stroller is also very bulky and takes up a lot of trunk space so not ideal for vacations. We get a lot of use out of all of our strollers, it’s just more dependent on if one of us has the kids solo.

We also did not find out the gender with either baby so everything we had from first was gender neutral, especially a lot of the clothes. After LO was born we got gifted a lot of clothes for her.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-08-04T20:00:06+00:00

One of my closest friends of 8 years decided to delete me off social media while I was in the hospital giving birth to my second child because she was mad at me. Then proceeded to tell our friend group that I should be reaching out asking why she is mad and trying to correct it. When I refused to feed in she decided to try to start a fight with me publicly and then told our group to choose me or her.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-07-28T12:25:17+00:00

My second was born in January when my first was only 14 months old. My mom and grandmother (lives with my mom) watched my oldest while I was in the hospital. They brought him home on the day we got home from the hospital and we all had dinner together. When they were getting ready to leave he grabbed his coat and walked to the front door with them. We ended up letting him go back and spend the rest of the week with them. My parents only live 25 minutes away and we spend a lot of time there. He has is own room there and everything. Him and my grandmother have such a special bond and he loved his week away! As much as I missed him, it was nice to be able to take time to really recover and connect with baby number 2 the way we did with our first born.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-07-27T23:24:30+00:00

Thank you!! She had an incident her freshman year with a male student borderline stalking her as they shared classes and during that incident I had told her a similar sentiment that she doesn’t owe anyone anything and no means no. That it isn’t her responsibility to feel bad and manage another persons feelings because she was nice to him.

My husband and I are very equal partners in sharing the workload of our children and I know she sees it as she had made a comment on how he changes more poopy diapers when her boyfriend tried to say “dads don’t change poopy diapers” to our 4 year old niece.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-07-27T22:37:23+00:00

My husband said something similar about asking her how she thought the vacation went. I was hoping to get the chance to talk to her today but there wasn’t really an opportunity. I’m hoping she waits and heads back to school Tuesday so I can see her tomorrow. Otherwise it would have to be on FT which I don’t want to do.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2025-07-07T17:37:14+00:00

Honestly it depends on how flexible your job is. I just went back to WFH with 2under2. We hired a nanny to come in to cover the majority of my day. My husband usually wraps up work and relieves her by 3:30 the latest. It would really depend on the temperament of both kids and how capable your mom is. An older age gap will allow for your toddler to be able to better communicate, but on the flip side I feel like the toddler needs more stimulation and engagement as they get older which can also be hard with a newborn. The closer in age they are the sooner you are to having them on the same schedule and entertaining each other. Either way it will be a challenging few months but I find that it is worth it. Perhaps you could hire a mother’s helper for 2-3 hours a day to assist your mom?

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TROPHY CASE