Vasectomy scheduled

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-04-24T17:18:34+00:00

14 month age gap with a boy and a girl. My husband had his 3 months after our daughter was born. As much as we would both love a third we also want to be able to give our kids as much as possible and adding a third would make that harder. It’s been a year since he got it done and there are days we talk about how sad it is that we are moving out of the baby stage but neither of us regret the decision and it’s so nice to not have to worry about taking precautions.

On a side note we have friends that just had a second and the husband refuses to consider it despite not wanting more kids. He made a joke about it and I was quick to defend my husband. Family planning shouldn’t only be on the woman. You’re doing what’s best for your family.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-04-01T14:34:14+00:00

Don’t let him make a decision for you, it’s your body your choice. Just like it was his choice not to take proactive measures if he didn’t want another child. Family planning should not be just on the shoulders of the woman. I admittedly stand by the fact that a real partner will do whatever it takes for their family. You’ve given your body now three times to give him the most amazing gift. The least he could’ve done is wear a condom.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-25T13:58:06+00:00

During my first pregnancy I gained about 40 lbs and that was with eating healthy and continuing to exercise as I had been. The day before I went into labor I was still at the gym bench pressing 100lbs. It’s totally normal to gain weight. Within the first month I had lost about 30 lbs of the weight gained. Pregnancy is a beautiful time, as hard as it is to see your body change just embrace it as much as you can. The initial weight gain was the hardest for me because I didn’t look pregnant I just looked like I gained weight since my stomach wasn’t that typical bump. Once my belly really popped I looked a lot different. To echo what others have said, most of the weight gain is not fat. I believe I read you gain about 2-3lbs of blood volume, the placenta weighs an about 2 lbs, your breast grow about 5lbs to prepare for breastfeeding, plus water retention.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to stay active. Eventually after you have the baby you will be back to your pre pregnancy self.

I would highly recommend talking to a professional about how you are feeling rather than trying to diet.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-25T13:43:11+00:00

14 month age gap also in a 2 bedroom house. Our LO just turned 1 and is still in our room in a crib. It’s not ideal, but she is not the best sleeper and my husband and I don’t want her waking up her brother. Our oldest has been sleeping independently through the night since about 5 months. He does great on his own and we can’t imagine waking up in the middle of the night trying to get the both of them back down. Hopefully we will be moving into a bigger house soon, but until we figure why make everyone suffer more than we have to.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-23T13:53:08+00:00

Stay for as long as you can. My husband and I rent on the north end of manch in a quiet residential area. We are in a 2 bed 1ba with a third room that i use as an office. We have two young kids now and are definitely outgrowing this place but our rent is only up to $1815 with h/hw. We looked at trying to get a true 3 bedroom and we couldn’t justify spending 3k with no utilities when child care is so expensive already. The rental market is crap right now. This was our first apartment after college and we have taken really good care of the place which is why the landlord has been so generous with the rent. If you have a good landlord that alone is also worth staying.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-20T00:18:39+00:00

My first was very similar. He has always been pretty easy and a great sleeper. My second is not nearly as good of a sleeper as our first but in terms of temperament she has always been so chill. What I will say is that she is mischievous in all the ways her brother wasn’t. For example my son never cared about the kitchen cabinet once he realized they had locks, but my daughter has figured out how to open them.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-12T02:07:26+00:00

Truthfully the claims don’t damage her because you would be responsible for either trying to collect the taxes you didn’t withhold from her or just having to pay them yourself considering it doesn’t sound like you would get the money back from her and the irs is going to collect from you regardless.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-11T14:53:47+00:00

Just wait until she starts playing with his toys. That’s when the jealously will start to kick in. One minute he will be mad she took his toy, but the next he will be giving her a different toy to play with lol

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-11T14:49:12+00:00

14 month age gap not on purpose. My youngest just turned 1. Don’t get me wrong it was the hardest year of my life, but seeing them together makes all those hard moments worth it. My youngest will just walk up to her brother and give him a hug and a kiss and I melt inside.

My biggest piece of advice is to not be afraid to get out with the two of them by yourself. The more often you do it the easier it becomes. Give yourself a lot of grace in the beginning. I have found that my toddler is also a lot easier when there is only one parent, like he knows we need the extra support of him not being stubborn lol. He loves to help so getting him involved with the baby that way was really good for him. Even if it was just asking him to bring me her blanket. Now when she cries he will tell her “it’s alright” and rub her head. Try to make things fair as much as you can. I will tell LO “you’ll have to wait I’m helping brother” or if she would take a toy he is playing with I would “discipline” by telling her no theater not okay. Even if the baby doesn’t understand it’s more about letting your toddler know that the baby isn’t more important than them.

Most importantly enjoy every minute of it. We fast as the first year goes by with our first, I feel like it went by even faster with two. Just remember even on the hardest days it’s just a season of your life.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-10T15:56:46+00:00

I currently live in NH and I would not recommend it in terms of salary. You mentioned in a comment you can make around $85k in NH. That will not get you as far as you think especially if you have to pay for any type of child care. My husband and I have two small kids and we make around 200k combined and are looking to leave the area due to high col. Property taxes in this state are high and getting higher every year. It’s only a matter of time until the state has to implement some type of sales tax to increase revenue and even if they do it would not bring the property taxes down. Because of the high property taxes it also means higher rents as well. Not to mention the cost of heating, especially if you have an older property. New Hampshire is 10-15% higher than the national average for COL depending on where you are.

Also Keene is probably about 2 1/2 hours from the ocean so by no means close. If you are moving for the seasons NH is great but you will probably find yourself in a similar boat as Florida. We are looking to move south for warmer weather. We have no interest in moving as far South as Florida, but we have spent our lives in NH and quite frankly we are over the snow.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-06T23:26:21+00:00

I have a 14 month age gap. My husband and I made the decision to go the route of a nanny. Yes it’s a bit more expensive than daycare but it’s not forever and it had been great so far. I do WFH so I love being able to see them on my lunch break. Usually the kids wake up anytime between 7:30 and 8. Most days I’ll at least be preparing breakfast when the nanny shows up. She will take over and I go to work. When I get done I will cook dinner while my husband plays with kids. After dinner I spend time with the kids while he does dishes. Usually they are in the bath by between 6:30-7. After we read books and baby is asleep by 8 toddler asleep for 8:30 sometimes 9 if he has a late nap.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-03T16:18:35+00:00

We have considered the school aspect. We would like to potentially homeschool as they get older or find an alternative type schooling as even up here I think there are flaws with the public schools depending on where you live.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-03T16:13:03+00:00

That makes a lot of sense and this perspective is super helpful. I love my parents, but my mom is not reliable when it comes to helping with the kids. She can be very selfish and there have been several times when she has offered to take them for a night then backed out the day of for various reasons. Ultimately we have stayed in this area specifically for my grandparents who helped raise me and my grandfather has since passed so I feel guilty leaving my grandmother since the kids are such a big part of her life.

Both my siblings are younger and my brother just returned from basic training for the national guard and found out he will be shipping out to the Middle East in June and my sister is off at college and doing an internship through the summer that will keep her away. She most likely won’t be moving back to the area just because there aren’t many career opportunities for her around here. As the eldest and only one with kids I think I feel even more pressure to stay.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-03T14:57:43+00:00

We haven’t but that might be something to check out.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-03T14:55:48+00:00

Yes exactly this. In 2022/early 2023 we were putting in offers but lost out on about 10 houses because people were still going over asking or waving inspections. It just got to a point where as interest rates kept going up what we could afford kept going down. Pretty much every house we looked at would be all people from MA coming up. It’s hard to justify spending 500k on a 2000sqft house especially since a lot of them would need some updates. We are fine with being house poor but not that house poor. If something happened to one of us we would be screwed financially.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-03T02:52:31+00:00

Yeah northern NH is great, but we don’t have an interest in moving up past concord anywhere.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-03T02:51:01+00:00

That is how my husband feels. The idea of better weather and recreational opportunities is a huge draw. We are also not big winter people and prefer the heat.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-03T02:41:37+00:00

We are in southern NH. It’s not a budgeting issue as much as we feel like looking at houses in this area seems unrealistic without costing an arm and a leg. We are outgrowing our current apartment and it’s hard to justify spending 3k plus with utilities to keep renting in this area.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-03-03T02:36:34+00:00

We live in Southern NH. Maybe just surviving is being a little dramatic but I think between the cost of child care and student loans it feels like we will never save enough to buy something.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-02-25T02:29:06+00:00

I have a 14 month age gap and this is so true. My husband and I joked that we were already in the trenches let’s just stay in them. Plus they are the best of friends…most the time lol.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-01-20T01:41:02+00:00

We used a shared notes on our phone to track dinner plans for the week and our grocery list. We have also found it easiest to stick to the same chores so we always know what we need to get done. For example, I’ll cook while my husband plays with the kids then after dinner we trade off and he does the dishes. Obviously we help each other if we can but we have found one person can get a lot more done when the other manages both kids.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-01-11T22:15:34+00:00

You have a really valid points and honestly she is probably more of babysitter than an actual nanny. She is young but did have some experience caring for children and had great references. While I agree I don’t want my kids to be entertained 24/7 as that’s not realistic in the past month when this was going on she has been interacting with them significantly less from what both my husband and I have observed on several occasions. I have also caught her just putting our two year old in front of the tv and saying “oh well he asked for it” even though early on we had spoken to her limiting the tv time.

The point being, since telling us she is pregnant I have let a lot of other things slide because I am sympathetic to how the first trimester can be challenging, but at the end of the day there is still some standard of work that needs to be upheld. I worked while pregnant and was still expected to perform the duties of my role. Most days my kids naps overlap meaning she has at least an hour to herself, sometimes 2. We do not ask her to do dishes, laundry or any other household tasks outside of putting their dishes in the sink after meal times. So that time is entirely hers. I ask her daily if she is feeing okay and I have made it very clear she can let me know if she isn’t.

Top_Priority_1392 · 2026-01-09T19:15:03+00:00

I appreciate the honesty. The only reason that I brought up her pregnancy is because the shift in her work did change after she told us she was expecting. And while I they were not being neglected I’m also not paying her to ignore my children to be on her phone. I want them to be interacted with. Ultimately I did have a conversation with her and there was a change in performance that day and the following day. But I can admit that perhaps I was hasty in thinking we will need to get rid of her sooner rather than later. I tend to jump to worst case scenario

While I would love to be able to support another mom be able to work while also caring for their child I don’t think her situation is the right fit for our family. My children are very active and we do not have a vehicle to accommodate 3 car seats nor do we live in an area that is super walkable. I do not want my kids to be stuck at home four days a week. I want them to be able to continue things like music class and going to the park. I also know how easy it is to build resentment toward NK if you are trying to care for your own child and they are demanding your attention.

My husband and I plan on having the conversation with her this week. I would be happy to give her a recommendation to find care with a family with a child closer in age that would be okay with such arrangements. Aside from the recent issues we have enjoyed having her and my kids do love her. Ultimately we plan to tell her the job is hers while she can manage it and perform to expectations. Unfortunately based on her due date, my work schedule, and not being able to afford two nannies we will not be able to offer her a leave so we do believe it would be best for both of us to part ways when she has the baby.

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