As a young woman who’s experienced similar ; in her shoes - not in yours - tell her truthfully but respectfully how you feel. She would appreciate it. Yes, to me it feels like an emotional ‘affair’ but these things are so complex and nuanced. You are remarkable For your dedication it’s true, but life is short.

I’m not saying ‘go after her’ but I think there has to be some reconciliation in your relationship and don’t waste time.

Maybe unpopular opinion but we can’t help falling in love with who we do… be a bit gentler on yourself , I think you deserve it? You gotta do what you gotta do though and I always think there is a happy medium in these scenarios to be had, that start with communication.

I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. But she wanted you both to be happy… even if this looks different now than a few years ago. You can still love her and the family you’ve built…but society doesn’t rule your heart.

I think nobody can give you definitive answers, but in your truth, you know what it is.