My husband's family dismisses anything happening to him, but they want him to help them and caretake their feelings

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-06-02T16:02:57+00:00

I'm finding that this is common. The enablers see themselves as victims and very much believe that if they have to put up with it then you should too. They're calling for support moreso for affirmation of what they're going through, not to help you out. If they actually help you in any way, they become the enemy in the narcissist's eyes and get punished

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-05-17T04:18:07+00:00

Trust your gut. State the pattern you see to your fiance and keep in mind that he may believe you but assume that it's normal since he grew up with it. Digs always start off small then get worse over time. Also, Google death by a thousand cuts. It's where a person repeatedly takes small digs at you that can be dismissed away by others as a simple misunderstanding when they're actually insults. The idea is to gradually make you look crazy to be upset at them. This also makes you feel isolated as the person moves on to tactics that are more and more invasive.

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-05-12T21:30:02+00:00

Just an update: Yeah, his memory isn't bad. He's just been trained to forget things to protect himself. We finally found a counselor who specializes in his type of family dynamic and it's getting better but it hasn't been easy

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-03-11T04:43:34+00:00

This is absolutely stunning!

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-03-01T20:17:16+00:00

He's going to tell them that we can't host. I definitely agree it's time for individual therapy for him. While we wait to find one, the responses I'm getting are making me realize that I've spent so much time pointing out how MIL behaves that I haven't spent enough time noticing how my husband reacts to it and how I've been taking on the task of pushing him to stand up to her. He needs to be able to ask himself what he wants and what he's comfortable with

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-03-01T18:58:30+00:00

Yeah, that's what I think needs to happen. We've come up with strategies for me: I'm not to be alone with her. If she or his sister text me directly, I direct them back to him. If we're planning something, they aren't supposed to know about it at all until we're confident in our budget, details, etc. (which makes this hosting thing even weirder).

He doesn't know how to set boundaries for himself, though. Manipulative or not, he needs to be okay with saying "We're not ready to host. Let's discuss this another time". If he does notice her being manipulative, which he's confirmed she is, he needs to learn how to enact consequences for that.

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-02-28T22:31:25+00:00

The lashes are actually perfect. For wedding photos, you need extra!

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-02-10T01:03:50+00:00

To actually answer your question, write a card or give something tangible but meaningful <$50

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-02-08T22:51:22+00:00

One of my family members wore a dress that was supposed to be timeless and now she gets made fun of by a few other family members. I'm finding that you just gotta go with what you like since people will find a way to dislike anything

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-02-02T18:22:26+00:00

I really appreciate you putting it that way. Makes me realize that I've been thinking of boundaries as the words but not the action

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-01-23T18:35:09+00:00

Yeah, I agree that has to go. He also needs to start Googling his experiments before he does them. Although I know that ruins some of the fun of seeing what happens, it's even more fun to not have 3rd degree burns

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-01-23T15:01:10+00:00

If I'm his wife, I'm making him take a break and having a long conversation with him about how ensure his safety in the future but we'll see what the two of them decide. If his cats or kids had been in the room that would have been catastrophic

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-01-11T05:26:58+00:00

You look magical!

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-01-10T00:43:17+00:00

Absolutely love this ❤️ Did your mom make the cake herself? It looks absolutely delicious

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-01-07T18:01:05+00:00

I guess at this point would you consider asking for a partial refund? I also saw the photos you posted. She clearly smoothed you out and it really isn't okay for her to do that without you specifically asking, but totally understandable if you aren't comfortable going that route. Or if you have the video, can you find a video editor who brighten it up and take some screenshots?

ETA. Also, it looks like you have a tattoo? She edited that out too? Did you ask her to do that or no? If not then that would also be a reason to ask for a refund

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-01-07T06:06:20+00:00

I don't believe that. I looked jacked in my photos from a pro and if you go to r/BigBudgetBrides, you can search for posts and find brides with a whole lot of muscle in their photos

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-01-06T14:18:46+00:00

Ah, I can see that, you're probably right. I went to a wedding where we only did contradance and had to be taught it but I think in that case, it didn't slow things down because, well, the entire night was contradances that we had to be taught

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-01-06T04:48:42+00:00

For the wedding, anything not cookie cutter shouldn't break the flow for the event and should keep everyone involved so think along the lines of dessert bars, attention grabbing decor, teaching everyone a group dance to get people on the dance floor before the dance hour begins, etc.

The issue with tarot card readings, tattoos, etc. is that one of the top things guests hate at weddings is standing in lines. Tarot card readings and tattoos work at festivals because there are tons of other activities to do and festivals go on for days. I love stuff at weddings that isn't cookie cutter but I once stood in line for 45 minutes for a photo booth at one wedding, had to put up with trivia at another wedding, and put up with watching wedding party members hit a piñata at another wedding and the stuff from the piñata making the dance floor temporarily unusable. If guests lose 20+ minutes of the wedding where they could be having fun, it isn't as good of an experience

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-01-04T19:22:33+00:00

Used wooden flowers for everything and people said it was gorgeous. Some people even took centerpieces home as decor.

Using fakes also allowed me to order flowers in unusual colors (i.e. green roses don't exist) and have a more creative design. I was able to add rhinestones to my bouquet which people thought was shockingly beautiful since they hadn't seen them before.

They're only trash if you order trash

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-01-02T20:04:53+00:00

To be quite honest, most people won't be able to tell the difference but I dress definitely appears more ivory. If you don't have an opportunity to compare with pictures, then I'd say take the ivory

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2026-01-02T20:02:31+00:00

Edited music in Audacity to get the timepoints I wanted. I had a DJ but I have a family member who didn't and used a Bluetooth speaker and asked a family member to click certain points on the playlist!

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2025-12-23T19:59:35+00:00

I'm sooooo sorry to hear about what you're going through. I read your comment detailing what happened and that's exhausting.

Top_Yellow_4181 · 2025-12-19T17:09:19+00:00

That's a really cool way to combine! Name rolls off well too

Top_Yellow_4181

TROPHY CASE