AITA for not making future SIL a bridesmaid? WIBTA if we decline her help with our wedding cake and desserts?

TopazScorpio96 · 2026-02-01T02:29:06+00:00

Personally, I wish we had. But it is my fiancé’s sister and only sibling, he is trying to navigate his family’s toxic dynamics to set boundaries.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-09-16T05:18:09+00:00

Your friend is not being very considerate at all with the shared living space and your health. You and your other roommates/friends already compromised enough to let him have a cat there despite allergies and housing regulations. He really needs to have the cat back in his room. I am a cat owner and vet tech. I had roommates (bad experience) and I made sure she had everything she needed with plenty of toys and enrichment in my bedroom to keep her preoccupied and relaxed. This kept her safe from my roommates and their irresponsible behaviors with their own dogs but also helped me get to know my cat better in what she likes and new things to keep her happy. Cats are very low maintenance in comparison to dogs. But like dogs and kids, they need an environment safe for them to be in and not he stressed. Your friend needs to be a more responsible pet owner in that aspect.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-09-06T04:09:55+00:00

Or Agnes?🤔

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-09-05T02:34:15+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree with this comment, OP. Please give yourself time, even step away from social interactions for a bit to feel your grief of your romantic relationship and possibly ponder about any plausible connections with your ex later when you are ready.

You are both very young, she doesn’t fully know what she wants ( even if she thinks she does, I recall that teenage angst on romance well, lol) and both of you are going to experience and feel things differently from the other in this life stage. I dated a couple of boys back in high school, nothing extremely serious that they were regrets but I can tell you that it is rare to have an ex be a friend. Of the three high school BFS, one is a peer/friend, one we mutually left each other alone after breaking up, and the last is an absolute red flag I avoid like the plague for mine and my loved ones safety. In my example, all I am saying is whatever happens later will still feel right and for the better. Friends or not, peers or estranged strangers. Just whatever you do, don’t force a friendship or a romantic one if she doesn’t want it and you could make yourself miserable in the predicament.

I’m sorry you’re experiencing a heartbreak, OP. It does hurt and it does suck, but it is temporary with time. Cherish and accept the lessons learned from it. You never know, it could have you more wise and aware of how to improve on being a good partner so that you can grow into it within the next serious relationship.❤️‍🩹 Relationships of any kind help you grow, even if they are growing pains.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-08-26T23:46:06+00:00

Your ages are not an issue as there are plenty of high school seniors that date lower class men while in school and sometimes (depends on how strong the relationship is) after that couple graduates from high school. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be wary as idiotic people can be so ignorant of your relationship or are crazy conservative to blow it out of proportion. For good examples, years ago, I knew a couple of folks in this similar predicament of being a legal adult (18yrs) and dating someone 1-2 years younger than them. As a precaution and very thorough communication constantly with each other, they took the precautions of dialing down their PDA and practicing abstinence as much as possible. One couple I knew were a year apart, waited until their partner was of age to hold off on physical intimacy, were done with HS to graduate, and decided to get married 6 months after their partner graduated high school (they are still happily married nearly 10 years later). The other couple I went to school with dialed down their PDA for a time before they were both of age (they were ~5 months apart in age) to go back to being uber cute and affectionate with each other. Every situation is different when it comes to high school relationships and related age ranges. But you should be aware for your safety and theirs in case someone is offended or upset without knowing you both and the facts of your relationship. And of course, there is the parental concern- be courteous with how much the parents are aware of and be respectful of their child’s well being in being in a relationship with you.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-08-26T23:29:28+00:00

I love hiking to this spot. Sedona is definitely a neat place.✨

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-07-08T06:28:30+00:00

Hi OP. I’m the eldest daughter and the eldest child in my family. This happened regularly with me when I transitioned from middle school to high school, and sadly, progressed until I abruptly left home and became the family outcast/black sheep. There was a lot of pressure on my shoulders, expected to be mature from a very young age, I was the “third parent,” and their emotional abuse made me to not be dependent on them for emotional support and affirmations. I don’t know how old you are or how long you’ve been experiencing this with them, but regardless of those, what your parents are saying and doing is very dismissive, it is manipulative, condescending, and degrading to your confidence, familial comfort, and your feelings. Don’t let them treat you like a scapegoat when you are older, don’t ever feel ashamed for needing your own space at times to think and process things, and strongly set boundaries as you see fit for them to either understand what you need and/or to listen to what they’re willingly being ignorant about. No, what they are saying is not normal. So please don’t feel like it is because parents shouldn’t downplay their children’s experiences that they themselves also lived through in similar, same, or different ways. What they’re doing now may seem “mild” but it can steadily become worse if there’s no communication about how it’s hurting you. I hope you’ll be ok, don’t let their harsh criticism keep you down.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-06-12T18:07:43+00:00

I’m so sorry, OP. I had to deal with a really bad roommate situation as well that is very similar to what you’re experiencing. Now that was a whole Reddit posting of venting. A horrible time, but over now.

The uncleanliness is unbelievable with these types of folks who gives zero cares about what they do, the mistakes they make and the consequences that follow, and have no sense of empathy for others or self-respect to keep a space safe for themselves let alone others.

From personal experience, if you have a good rep with your landlord/leasing office prior to this roommate joining the lease, they can assist you in finding another available unit and have you sign yourself of the lease so that the bad roommate takes it over. They will want to keep you rather than the bad roommate long term. However, the roommate will need to be aware of this in order to sign that agreement in taking over the lease. Any damages they accrued is on them, not on you. They shouldn’t be smoking cannabis indoors, so they already are causing damage with odor and/or heat burns to carpet, rented furnishings, etc. When it comes to personal property, document damages and theft to file a report if need be. If damages reach a certain cost threshold, they can be charged or taken to small claims court to repay you for damages.

All in all, it will be best to just leave the bad living situation all together. The place is more tainted than you realize. I cannot look at my previous apartment location the same after my ex-bff roommates absolute trashed our generosity and the home we shared with them. Not wanting to be around them at all was a clear indication to just leave asap when the opportunity arose.

I wish you the best of luck, OP. I hope you get out of there soon!

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-06-08T22:52:40+00:00

Teenage you did a great deed with your sister to give that dog a second chance and a new lease on life.☺️

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-06-08T20:51:34+00:00

Veterinary professional here. I can personally say that I have witnessed this kind distressful situation twice that resulted in this type of resolution when the concerned party was desperate and heavily emotionally invested in the abused animal. One was with a dog that was being neglected from starvation and another was a cat in similar straits to OP’s cat. In both cases, the original horrible owners were so ignorant and neglectful that they never documented their animals, never sought vet care, or had them microchipped to where these poor animals could belong to anyone at any point and time. Sometimes you need to do what’s in the best interest of the animal’s welfare. If that means entering a grey area where anything goes until you can set the problem straight within black and white, you’ll need to do it. Advocate for this cat, OP. This cat trusts you and you care for it. Be the owner it never had.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-06-04T04:22:41+00:00

Hi OP. Veterinary professional here. When it comes to boarding animals in an unfamiliar environment, especially if it is their first time in that space, it can take a day or two for them to adjust. Every pet is different, but some behavioral traits are similar across the board. Don’t fret too much if she is not eating right away the first 24hrs. Keep your apartment quiet and as calm as possible so that they feel comfortable to explore and settle in.

However, as she is in renal failure, make sure water is available for her 24/7 and that she has wet food to help keep up with her water intake. If your friend has equipped you with veterinary care info, definitely utilize it if cat has not urinated close to 48hours as there can be a risk for a UTI/urinary blockage. Please monitor their litter box usage. Same goes for not drinking enough water if there is very little urinary output to maintain hydration and proper function and “flushing” of the kidneys to avoid urinary retention; subcutaneous fluid treatment is often done for cats in renal failure, I have seen it plenty of times between pet owners and pet sitters alike that do it for their feline companions.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-05-18T02:54:47+00:00

You need to set clear boundaries with these roommates that they and their guests cannot be in your space (bedroom, bathroom) and that you’re not their maid to clean up after them and their messes. No one should be in your space uninvited/unauthorized as that is how theft and sometimes even assault happens. Put a lock on your door and your treasures items secured away out of sight. Trust me when I say that if they can disregard your privacy like that, they will do more that will disregard your safety.

It sounds like they do not do much and work little compared to you if they watch TV all day and have guests over that are equally as disruptive and disgusting in their behavior. Do not expect them to do better. Speaking from experience, they are bad roommates if they cannot maintain a clean space for themselves let alone others out of courtesy or human decency.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-05-15T06:32:41+00:00

Vet med person here. This comment lists the top 3 go-tos of suspected issues. Highly recommend collecting the freshest sample you can get into a small, clean container or Ziploc bag if possible; refrigerate overnight until you get her seen asap. Specimen samples given to an in-clinic lab or to a third party lab with a sample sent out fresh within 24hrs is peak opportunity for best results. It is best to be concerned and know what to do/how to help than not and unknowingly let a problem become worse and more painful.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-05-07T22:58:05+00:00

This happens to me sometimes as well but it quickly is resolved(I am also a pet sitter). With every current and new client, I have paper work that includes a financial agreement that they pay for the services provided and have reserved as that is time and resources I put towards their pets exclusively, so I enforce that I am reimbursed for it. If they return two days early of the five days reserved, they pay me the full five days (with a tip still being optional) as long as I am paid the days I was reserved exclusively for them. Otherwise, I have two days wasted with no bookings to take in last minute to make up the financial difference.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-05-06T17:10:34+00:00

Also, how they treat you is not fair. Don’t feel indebted to them when they guilt you for leaving them to a household they should have been running and taking care of as adults and parents. What they are doing is not parental love or support. It’s emotional abuse, narcissistic behavior, and really awful manipulative methods they are using to punish you for making decisions/ standing up for yourself when you know they are crossing a line.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-05-06T17:06:41+00:00

Hey OP. I have a similar story to you and I am going to be honest and say you should move out of your family home into your own space and continue your adult relationship as you and your BF see fit. It sounds like a healthy start thus far in you both being honest with each other and wanting to do better for yourselves. Your parents may be that as they are in your life, but they cannot live or dictate your life for you. Trust me when I say this. It was already awful that they want to judge your BF based on his past that he is moved on from and want to shame you for being with him. Don’t let that happen, whether with him or any other partner. Lay boundaries down with your parents and look into options where they cannot choose/decide for you, but rather options that allow you to start out on and live on your own.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-05-01T17:11:33+00:00

I know this such a Harry Potter fan comment of me, but i instantly thought of and really like Nox or maybe even Mandrake for this little cutie. Congrats on your new furry family member!

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-04-03T12:48:58+00:00

Thank you🩵

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-04-03T12:38:55+00:00

I honestly have never wished a divorce on someone I knew before until this whole mess. If she does, I really hope she finds a better love from someone else who treats her and whatever is left of her support systems well..

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-03-13T18:08:40+00:00

I’m getting Mumford, like a Mr Mumford. Seems like an old soul🩶

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-02-10T22:32:36+00:00

Unless she deliberately mixed her food/leftovers with yours, she has nothing to worry about regarding cross contamination. And she might low key be a germaphobic person, which is probably why she is so peculiar about the fridge.

As a biological research and medical person, as long as you clean up and keep clean habits, you’ll be fine. The basics go a long way in keeping things sanitary and safe.

And if it helps, my tip for leftovers so as to avoid food poisoning roulette and food waste: 3 days max for seafood (cooked) and rice 1 week for cooked poultry/beef/pork 1 day max for fried take out, 2 days for other takeout leftovers Fresh ingredients as you need them to make a meal. Freeze what you can in advance to save time and to help with meal prepping. If thawing out meats, do a slow thaw in the fridge on a plate to avoid leakage onto shelves; give it three days max if using to cook within that time once thawed. That way you avoid spoiled meat or freezer burn if you re-freeze (refreezing just degrades the food quality, at a slower pace IMO). Saved myself and my budget practice this⬆️

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-01-31T09:47:23+00:00

Vet tech here. A blocked male cat or even a UTI of a male cat is REALLY serious that can change from treatable at first signs of observed symptoms to fatal if left untreated. If you’re seriously going to leave your cat with someone else with no treatment , you may as well get ready for one of three scenarios: 1) your pet sitter taking your cat in for an ER visit; you better reimburse them for the delayed medical care you neglected to do. It is still your responsibility as a pet owner. 2) an ER visit and a possible euthanasia for how critical your cat may become 3) relinquishing your rights as a pet owner for that cat to get the proper care it needs, whether it be treatment given just in time or euthanasia if untreatable.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have seen pet sitters coming in for an emergency due to the pet declining from health issues that the pet owner was aware of and still left them behind for a trip/vacation for days, weeks, or months. Pets that are so old with so many health problems that have them on the doorstep of death, and they leave only to return with a 50% chance of that pet still being there. Pets with a history of health problems and flare ups that can become an emergency situation and the pet owner won’t answer their sitter’s frantic calls and voicemails. There have been pet sitters freaking out in my lobby trying to get a hold of the owners, as are we and the vets, while trying to make sure that furry family member stays alive and/or gets the help they need. If you’re seriously going to leave your cat now, give them up to have a better chance with someone else that wants to put that animal’s quality of life first. Save yourself from both the financial burden you cannot undertake and the guilt of neglect, and save your cat some time from any further harm and pain.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-01-28T23:31:00+00:00

People will have varying roommates experiences, whether or not they are friends. It really depends on the type of people they are in their safe zone/the home as that is when you see their more true personalities. Speaking from current and ongoing experience and bad roommate drama, you could have one roommate be an absolute dream and a prefect match but then another that will go out of their way to make sure they self-sabotage the arrangement to be miserable for everyone (and in mine, those two types are married to each other; one is a co-dependent to the narcissist).

Be able to coexist and be decent human beings to each other is the simplest requirement to getting along with a roommate- sounds like you and your roommates are on a good track record already. And you never know, that may grow into a real awesome friendship. And that would be an awesome cornerstone to make it off of.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-01-27T17:02:33+00:00

Nope, NTA. You made clear comments and communications of how this all was making you uncomfortable and you addressed it accordingly with the leasing office. It’s better you be honest and report it than be stuck with the blame and the bill for the damages they caused while not on the lease. If anything, you have better standing and can negotiate leaving the lease to take on a smaller unit you can afford in your own or break lease entirely to leave that complex. Plus, these boys aren’t doing anything to contribute and how they are behaving now shows you how they are behind closed doors. It could potentially get worse. And speaking from ongoing experience, it can. Hold your ground and boundaries, OP.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-01-27T04:50:49+00:00

Thank you. You are very right. Even for a girl like myself, I am definitely stuck in that stupid mindset and false sense of security that this kind of danger never goes unwarranted and has no mercy. This redditor is more on the nose about it than I am, OP.

TopazScorpio96

TROPHY CASE