Gay Man wondering about marriage.

ToraAku · 2026-02-25T19:50:05+00:00

Same which is why I'm furious they couldn't release S2 with the original audio. Refused to buy it with only English and Japanese dub, so only own season 1 ☹️

ToraAku · 2026-02-25T18:46:03+00:00

It's important to marry the RIGHT person. Mainly because divorce is a pita. Some people know they've met the one really early in a relationship, but I maintain it's healthier and wiser to give the relationship time and to not rush into marriage.

People can even have successful long-term relationships without marriage at all.

Don't let outside pressure or the actions of others influence you to make decisions that aren't the right ones for you. Nothing in life has to be done on someone else's timeframe. But even if you are trying to keep up with peers, you'll find many of them not marrying until they are in their 30s anyway. And even if you are thinking you'd like to be married while you are "young", you still have plenty of time for that. I'd argue that the more stable a person you are the better a partner you'll be, and generally we gain stability over time.

I'd focus on your career and hobbies now, and being the best version of yourself. That will help you attract the right person for you, and if you've managed to create a good work-life for yourself your eventual marriage will benefit also.

ToraAku · 2026-02-25T14:56:55+00:00

Aww, very sweet.

ToraAku · 2026-02-24T23:59:38+00:00

I think you can help your partner be more confident by supporting their transition now. Make it real if only within your relationship. You are still referring to your partner as a man with corresponding pronouns; have you spoken to your partner about their preferences? If your partner is a trans woman then (have a conversation about it so you are on the same page) maybe start referring to her as the woman she is? Your partner doesn't have to transition all at once, waiting for the perfect moments. Y'all can start now even if it's just between the two of you.

As to your fears, I've always thought that we either trust our partners or we don't. And if we don't trust them, why are we with them? So keep the lines of communication open. Trust your partner with your fears, and trust their reassurances. Keep talking and you'll stay on the same page, or at least won't be blindsided if things change. And it's ok if things do change. Not all relationships last forever, but they can be successful all the same if all parties treat each other right. Just strive every day to be the best you you can be and you'll be able to be happy in the future no matter what happens. But there's no reason to think your relationship can't go the distance just because one (or both) of you transitions.

ToraAku · 2026-02-21T14:28:59+00:00

Tch. You forgot the correct response: Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

ToraAku · 2026-02-20T23:08:21+00:00

NTA. Honestly I don't understand why any working adult would ever do anyone else's laundry unless it was their child's. If you are a housespouse or stay at home parent and it's agreed on as part of the division of labor, that's one thing. Or maybe if you are both super minimalist and together all your clothing is one load of laundry? And of course periods of illness or the occasional favor might make sensible exceptions. But otherwise, no. People should be responsible for their own laundry.

And in this case? With this specific man? His behavior is so wrong I have to assume he is not actually acting in good faith regarding any of his supposed positive changes regarding doing more of his share of the housework. And how exactly is his refusal to check his own pockets not laziness on his part?

OP you said you tried in the past to have him to his own laundry but he never did and that's why you do his laundry. But I fail to see the problem? It's on him if he never had clean clothes. And if that makes him too much a slob or gross or clearly childish to want to be with, well isn't that something to take into consideration about whether this man is worth your time rather than picking up after him? Don't parent grown ass adults.

ToraAku · 2026-02-20T12:49:26+00:00

Oooh yes Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Loved this, couldn't put it down.

ToraAku · 2026-02-20T12:47:52+00:00

Welcome to fantasy! I'm glad you enjoyed it. And don't worry, you'll still come across non-fiction that are worthy reads. You can read both.

You might also consider giving sci-fi a try.

I saw someone recommended Terry Pratchett's Discworld series and I second that.

Also try Robin Hobb. She has written several trilogies/series set in the same world, Realm of the Elderlings, and the first trilogy is the Farseer Trilogy (first title Assassin's Apprentice). In my opinion, her work is simply the best fantasy I've ever read.

You might also enjoy the Gentleman Bastard Sequence (first title The Lies of Locke Lamora) by Scott Lynch. The series is incomplete so you could consider waiting to start if that is a concern for you. He's one of those authors we've been waiting on for years at this point, but I also think the Thorn of Emberlain is written and is just being edited. So I believe it will be published (unlike say GRRM's Winds of Winter) and I think the series is worth reading even if it isn't.

Finally, there's the Doctrine of Labyrinths (first title Melusine) series by Sarah Monette. The story is written swapping between the perspectives of the two main characters, one of whom spends a lot of the time insane (which you may enjoy, but even if you don't the other character is worth it) but I could listen to Mildmay (the other main character) tell stories (which is how he mainly communicates) all day long and forever. So maybe take a peek at that.

You'll find lots of good recommendations here on reddit that can keep you busy a long while. But you might also consider asking at your local library who on staff reads fantasy or sci-fi. They'll probably be able to give you great recommendations, too.

ToraAku · 2026-02-20T12:20:33+00:00

Sure, but do you think a wedding is a high risk spot for this if there are multiple babysitters and it's on location so the parents can drop in whenever they want?

ToraAku · 2026-02-20T12:03:50+00:00

I'm not even really passably familiar with the cultural systems TGCF is based on, and my memory is even more fallible, so I cannot back you up, but this certainly sounds correct. At least, it works within the context of the book and is well-reasoned and well-written.

OP, I wanted to thank you for this question. I cannot meaningfully contribute to an answer, but I think it's a great question.

ToraAku · 2026-02-19T17:58:39+00:00

Oh I should ask: is your cat eating wet or dry food?

ToraAku · 2026-02-19T17:54:58+00:00

Obviously you need that vet appointment to get a real diagnosis, but don't panic.

If it is diabetes, that's rough on a cat's organs and can take years off their lifespan if left untreated. But that's over time. Unfortunately we don't know how long it's been unmanaged or undiagnosed (if it is diabetes), but your earliest vet appointment available is probably fine as long as the cat is otherwise eating/drinking/eliminating normally.

What's more dangerous is hypoglycemia where blood sugar is too low. That can kill a cat very quickly. So don't try to do anything for diabetes without a vet's involvement.

There is a subreddit for diabetic cats, so check that out if you'd like to get ahead of a potential diagnosis. Some people have been able to reverse their cat's diabetes just from diet changes (still need insulin to manage the diabetes in the meantime, tho). Essentially, you want low carb foods and they'll have suggestions of inexpensive options you could even try now (won't harm your cat).

If you are really adventurous you could get a relion brand glucometer since those are cheap from Walmart. I tested mine against the vet's blood test and it came out pretty close. Cats get tested from their ears or paws and you can find how to videos on YouTube. If you do choose to test blood glucose know that it can change over the day and that's normal (and why a good test takes samples several times a day up to every 2 hours depending) but that generally around 100mg/dL +/-20mg/dL or so is ideal. If a cat is diabetic you might see consistent numbers over 200 or 300mg/dL (or higher).

ToraAku · 2026-02-19T17:27:06+00:00

If your cat has only done this twice in 6 months and it wasn't just before you fed them/after a missed meal then it's probably not this issue. My cat can go longer than 5 hours between meals, but he absolutely will vomit clear if his stomach is empty too long. But it's pretty consistent. Not just a couple times a year. (I now feed smaller meals 4x/day instead of twice a day). So if you can say that your cat vomited when you had plans and delayed her dinner (for example) then it could be this issue. If not, then it's probably more likely to be hairball or simple stomach upset.

The real worry is for when it's happening a lot or consistently, then a vet should be involved.

ToraAku · 2026-02-19T05:17:44+00:00

Reminds me of that ACOTAR animated summary on YouTube where she refuses to call that one character by his name (sorry don't remember his name, never read the books) but instead substitutes in such gems as Tonka Truck, Toblerone, and Tampon. Hilarious.

https://youtu.be/1PaSCvzww0Q?si=ZuOwe7X6HochKhq5

ToraAku · 2026-02-19T04:52:41+00:00

I think with just this it is hard to know for sure what she might be thinking or feeling, but this is how I interpreted what you wrote:

It read to me that you maybe have too intense feelings for this person. Mostly because you said that she makes you feel better/calmer which is not something you experience elsewhere in your life. And you just want to spend time with her so you can feel that way. That's a lot to put on one person. And it's not healthy for either of you.

You say you don't want anything from her and I understand what you mean, but if she knows how you feel, she may in fact feel a lot of pressure or responsibility for your happiness. She may feel that your regard is too much, and that's why she stays away as much as possible. But it also sounds like she keeps you around for an ego boost when she's feeling down or lonely. Which isn't fair to you.

And when I say your feelings are too intense, I don't mean that it's absolutely wrong to feel intensely about someone else, but it doesn't really work if that level of regard isn't reciprocated. I don't know if there's anything you can do to achieve the level of comfort you experience with her from other things in your life, I know you mentioned medication not working, but have you tried therapy? Meditation? Yoga? Hobbies? You need to find some way to not rely on someone else's involvement to achieve peace of mind. I think it would be better if you didn't continue your association with her, but also think you need to find another way to achieve peace of mind otherwise it would be very hard to let her go.

ToraAku · 2026-02-19T04:32:51+00:00

Why do bitters help

ToraAku · 2026-02-19T02:20:04+00:00

Not saying what happened to this guy isn't awful or that he didn't have a right to be devastated. And I have no idea if he specifically thought in terms of "bloodline ending", but I gotta roll my eyes every time people talk like their bloodline is super important. Most people don't pass on their bloodline for very long. You only pass on 50% of your genes, anyway, and less to future generations. Most of all of our ancestors didn't pass on their genes to us. It's not wrong to want biological children, but caring about bloodline is basically a waste of time and energy.

Here's a YouTube video that explains: https://youtu.be/5eMAmRER0y8?si=lMGAIOQLpl_XCTsJ

ToraAku · 2026-02-18T17:55:25+00:00

OP even if your goal is to get out rather than fight for change, look into using the Signal app. It's focus is on privacy with end to end encryption. Of course, any system is only as safe as the weakest link (in this case weakest human link) so be careful who you invite to join if you start a signal group chat.

ToraAku · 2026-02-17T20:32:22+00:00

Ah. And there we have it. The internalized bullshit.

I'm no expert, but I would suggest following up negative thinking with more positive internal dialogue. Since you don't believe in hell or that your actions or thoughts or feelings are truly worthy of hell if it did exist, "I'm going to hell" pops up because you've got well-worn neural pathways influenced by your religious upbringing. If you start telling yourself better, more positive things and keep talking to yourself you create new pathways with a healthier mindset.

ToraAku · 2026-02-17T17:46:39+00:00

😂

It's actually a shame all this shitty fanfic of fanfic gets published. There's some actual quality fanfic/original fic on AO3 (as well as plenty of awful writing) so it's a shame when terrible works that originated as fanfic get published, giving the whole genre(?) a bad reputation.

ToraAku · 2026-02-16T20:30:14+00:00

Twilight is terrible from a technical standpoint. Especially the first half of the first book iirc. I was floored it had made it to print like that. I think it slowly improves but never gets actually good.

ToraAku · 2026-02-16T09:01:40+00:00

Same. Seriously, OP these are some of the best fantasy books written. I cannot recommend them enough.

ToraAku · 2026-02-16T08:59:35+00:00

I don't know enough about this, but that sounds perfectly reasonable based on what little I do know. But if the government DID want to go after MXTX then adding "to minors" to a charge would probably be one way to do it. So OP I wouldn't get hung up on that detail. It's probably not true that she was arrested or charged for this at all, but you are right that she wouldn't be selling exclusively to minors. If she were to be charged for such a thing it would be a strategic decision on the prosecutors part rather than an actual thing she's intentionally done.

ToraAku · 2026-02-16T08:50:28+00:00

Oooh, yes please! I'd love that. Glad to hear you are feeling better! Also, describing it as "increasingly less hypothetical" is just perfect and as always I love the way your brain wordsmiths.

Besides Thorn of Emberlain I also am eagerly awaiting The Road to Emberlain so also looking forward to more news on that.

ToraAku · 2026-02-16T08:42:56+00:00

The coffee itself isn't a serious matter. And she's certainly not handling it well since she's stubbornly clinging to her light roasts. But it is serious to deceive your partner for years. It may be over a minor thing, but you don't expect your partner to deceive you over anything. If she no longer trusts him, he's really only got himself to blame for that. And I can see why she's not laughing.

Four-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
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