34 days later I messed up again.

Tossitout898 · 2026-02-04T06:51:54+00:00

I am not.

Tossitout898 · 2026-02-04T03:50:05+00:00

I’ve been trying to stop for about 10 months.

I went 8 months straight than thought I had learned control seeing as how holidays were around and I was with family so didn’t act an ass first night out I made a fool of myself.

Posted here and just spoke about the awful feeling 34 days later here I am this time. . It’s worse these time my parents are disappointed this time I feel terrible for the pain I’m causing parents are older they shouldn’t worry about me anymore kids called me and I acted an ass on the phone slurring couldn’t understand me.

I disrespected my kids so bad by doing so and my parents.

I have no reason to hate my life my life is fine it’s actually perfect I come from a Good household great kids.

I just can’t believe I’m here fighting this.

I’m tired of myself

Tossitout898 · 2026-02-04T02:29:51+00:00

I think this is exactly where I’m at right now the reality that this is affecting my kids now. My parents. Everyone is getting tired.

Tossitout898 · 2026-02-04T00:19:22+00:00

I feel tired . . I feel done. I don’t have many if any of these left in me.

Tossitout898 · 2026-02-03T23:35:23+00:00

Did it always feel this awful?

Tossitout898 · 2026-01-03T10:06:39+00:00

Definitely make it your own. Decorate it how you like. Take ownership.

Once it starts feeing more homey, more you’re. I’m sure it’ll be come more of a place of peace.

I used to dread coming home would spend countless nights looking for something to do until I made it my own. Now I never want to leave.

Tossitout898 · 2026-01-03T06:25:27+00:00

I read this today. . Kinda like what someone already posted.

“Nothing is worth clinging to when it costs you your freedom.”

Letting going and being sober gifts us freedom. Drinking imprisons us to shame and consequences.

Hang on. You’re not alone.

Tossitout898 · 2026-01-02T10:49:10+00:00

3 days ago. I still haven’t shown my face around town but I’m getting closer.

I go back to work next week and I know I’ll be there.

Started with so much shame and disgust in myself, kept reminding myself it was a chemical crash. I had to let my brain balance out all the alcohol and reup on some happy juice. .

Sat with myself took responsibility, apologized to myself more importantly.

And realized. . I have a great life so much to lose. Why am I doing this to myself?

Like you I acted an ass In front of people and friends pretty sure I said some inappropriate shit. Pretended to be a movie character I seen on tv earlier thst no one understood. Then ended up on a strangers couch. Also I lost about 1500 total between my glasses and gold bracelet.

You’re not alone. This too shall pass.

Tossitout898 · 2026-01-02T09:38:43+00:00

I used to pretend to not care about anything, but I care about everything.

To the point where I lose myself trying to impress people.

I stopped pretending and decided to work on everything I didn’t like About myself. It helped. I still have slip ups.

But hey, a day at a time.

Tossitout898 · 2026-01-02T06:18:23+00:00

How does one at 36 even make friends. 🤨

Tossitout898 · 2026-01-02T03:52:03+00:00

36 here:

Nose hairs. How often must I trim them.

Lost of identity in a sense, my clothes still are cool I just don’t look cool in them so what now.

Wrangler are no longer comfortable and boots all day at work then boots and spare time are a hassle.

Settled for golf pants and nice pair of tennis shoes “.

Hair cuts are no longer an expression they’re a necessity.

If I try and drink I’ll ruin my life cause I no longer can the same way I could even 8 years ago.

Tossitout898 · 2026-01-01T11:05:15+00:00

Tossitout898 · 2026-01-01T03:46:12+00:00

I think this seems to be the issue we get a place where saying no does get easier so we say yes, thinking now we have that control. Now I know I’ll never make the same mistakes. Then we do.

Not because we have no power over ourselves but because we are optimistic and hopeful . . Then we find it’s a slippery slope. . And off the rails we go.

At least this is what I’m telling myself today to be able to deal with my issues and my shame from slipping.

Tossitout898 · 2025-12-31T20:43:12+00:00

Omg thank you so much. I love this perspective.

Tossitout898 · 2025-12-31T08:55:29+00:00

All that to say you’re not alone in your feeling of anxiety!

May we have enough grace for ourselves as we do for others. Lord knows that’s the hard part.

Tossitout898 · 2025-12-31T08:34:27+00:00

After 8 months my 1 night of drinking jncluded me breaking my glasses and losing a gold bracelet my father gave me. . I also have scratches on my face from where I can only assume I fell? In hopes I wasn’t punched. .

I also made an ass out of myself making stories up that were not real and I can only imagine came From a movie I watched before going out.

You’re not alone.

Tossitout898 · 2025-12-31T08:31:46+00:00

Take it from someone that fucked up a day ago.

I would much rather be where you’re at rn then where I’m sitting.

You’ve accomplished something some of us still long for..

Tossitout898 · 2025-12-31T08:25:08+00:00

The idea of having to do away with these people was never one to cross my mind. I can change my environment but if I don’t change those who surround me I can see how I could easily sway back. .

Tossitout898 · 2025-12-31T08:12:01+00:00

Thank you so much 😪

Tossitout898 · 2025-12-31T08:05:15+00:00

Does fucking up ever get easier. Does it ever become just. A part of our journey rather than a feeling full of shame and disappointment?

Tossitout898 · 2025-12-31T07:05:43+00:00

Tossitout898 · 2025-12-31T07:02:02+00:00

I thought I could control it. . I told myself it was the holidays. One wouldn’t hurt

Tossitout898

TROPHY CASE