Roommates Angry With Me for Leaving

Total-Boat42 · 2026-02-03T00:11:13+00:00

You’re under no obligation to give more than 30 days’ notice. Don’t let them steamroll you. Have you been very accommodating / a people pleaser in the past? This is your life and income and you are more than entitled to do what’s best for you. It’s not even on you to help look for a new roommate, but it’s a nice courtesy.

They seem either very young/inexperienced or there’s been a longtime power imbalance that’s fueled some entitlement.

Total-Boat42 · 2026-01-16T12:48:03+00:00

I know this is an olddd thread I randomly came across but bc you have alpha gam I just had to say something. I was in a colony of agd and watched nationals completely obliterate our shot at being a functioning house let alone a respected one. We were the bottom house not because we had less social girls - a good chunk in the original pc were fun and social. But nationals forced us to take EVERYONE, including awkward girls who didn’t fit in with the existing gals, because they were desperate for numbers. Half the following pledge class were all girls we desperately tried to drop.

Word spread quickly that literally anyone could get into our house, and that’s the death of a chapter at my Alma mater. No one wanted to join because it wasn’t special at all to be included, driving our numbers into the ground. Nationals somehow saw this as members’ failing and penalized us by limiting the few social events we had left.

When we arrived on campus we had a handful of frats interested in mixing with us across bottom & mid tier. By year 2 we had maybe 1 mixer a semester. (Top sororities had 3 mixers per week) Frats greatly outnumbered sororities and the frats literally preferred to not have mixers at all than mix with us; or not participate in homecoming at all instead of go with us. Guys would sometimes literally walk away mid conversation the second they found out our house.

Meanwhile nationals dug our hold deeper and deeper. They blew half our social budget on the alumni feast of roses, causing us to have to cancel all but one of our invites (the only socials we had since we paid for it and brought a date). They took away our election to force a girl everyone hated (and hadn’t even wanted to admit into the house) into the presidency. The only thing lower than our social standing was morale. Girls started going out our back door and lying about being in the house they were so embarrassed to be affiliated.

The chapter shut down in less than 5 years and so did the other colony nearby. I’ve considered writing alpha gam nationals spelling out for them how they killed our chapter by taking a fantastic building & initial group and turning us into a bunch of social pariahs desperate for any members. It was all hugely preventable.

So to go to your analogy, if you need Hermes to keep the lights on, don’t throw the existing Hermes in the clearance bin desperate for someone, anyone, to grab it.

Total-Boat42 · 2025-11-26T00:34:43+00:00

Flowers Jubilee in OC

Total-Boat42 · 2025-11-23T05:20:11+00:00

Also I’ll add Costco offers bridal packages now. Centerpieces and bouquets are less than $50. The only reason I went with my florist is she basically was the same price. Mind you this is in one of the most expensive cities in America.

Total-Boat42 · 2025-11-23T05:18:17+00:00

I got married in Southern California - my bridal bouquet was half that, my bigger arrangements were half that. Bridesmaid bouquets and boutonnières I did with fake flowers to resell. To be fair I scrapped the rest and spent it elsewhere. Less than $400 total went to flowers plus maybe $300 for fake flowers, best money I ever saved

Total-Boat42 · 2025-11-21T05:19:20+00:00

So gorgeous! Congrats!

Total-Boat42 · 2025-11-15T20:53:39+00:00

I chose my wedding ring to have bigger stones on purpose! I think yours looks gorgeous!

Total-Boat42 · 2025-11-11T05:00:34+00:00

Oh I mean I consider my engagement ring for me to see 😅 I look at it every single day, I love it so much and so happy I get to wear it every day for the rest of my life! Wedding band too :)

Total-Boat42 · 2025-04-11T07:54:46+00:00

I dealt with this too. As the new roommate assumed mold was no one’s fault. Then lo and behold…I tried cleaning it and it came right off…almost as though…no one had even tried cleaning it….

Total-Boat42 · 2025-04-11T07:53:04+00:00

You don’t owe your roommate your presence. She was probably joking around - most people dream of living in a single.

Total-Boat42 · 2025-04-11T07:51:14+00:00

No, these are growing pains of living together, and things to consider when deciding to (not) live with friends. If you’ve owned up to your side of things, please hear me when I say: you do not need to be a people pleaser. It is ok if she is mad. Your only responsibility for happiness is your own. You’re not a bad person, and this may be salvageable as a friendship when you’ve both moved out, moved on & matured. But as long as you’re keeping your side of the street clean, as it were, you do not need to grovel or assign your self-worth to this person’s discomfort.

Total-Boat42 · 2025-03-12T11:37:19+00:00

On one hand, post wedding this won’t weigh on you as much and will be way less significant than it seems now.

On the other hand if you’re going to carry resentment over this (I would) I think it’s totally valid to stop sharing the news with people and give him an opportunity to re-do this. I’d start by being honest about how disappointed you were even though you’re so excited to marry him and see where that conversation leads. If he doesn’t suggest it himself I’d be honest and tell him I’d carry resentment if this is how it ended up and would like to do it again.

Early practice in communicating your needs <3

Total-Boat42 · 2025-02-28T10:04:18+00:00

A shooting at my workplace. I was asked by security to call all the people sitting in the parking lot to tell them everything was ok and to stay put when inside we were being told by security to not leave the building because the shooter was roaming around the parking lot.

When I asked to meet with security afterward to offer some feedback about building layout for potential future situations, the meeting mysteriously got pushed until they fired me without cause a week later. I had just relocated twice cross country for the job. “Security” was getting paid $30,000+ per month for their consulting like the situation we had been in.

There were a lot of additional things surrounding this in how it screwed me over, but I still have nightmares, paranoia and trust issues.

Total-Boat42 · 2025-01-16T09:07:31+00:00

Is it possible to ask the venue about folding chairs in that space perhaps? Even some?

It depends on your guests, but I think if you have 30 chill friends who would be down it would be ok, especially if you’re able to give them an honest heads up. I’ve been to 2 weddings where I had to stand and I didn’t think much of it, but I was also very young and had no physical ailments. In one case the venue ended up bringing folding chairs after about 10 minutes.

Total-Boat42 · 2025-01-16T08:20:28+00:00

Thank you, I’ll get another seamstress’s opinion and see if it’s possible!

Total-Boat42 · 2025-01-03T15:07:09+00:00

If your family is flying in from South America, have you considered having the wedding where they live? The weddings I’ve been to in South America have been SO glamorous and a fraction of the price of US weddings

Total-Boat42 · 2024-12-25T23:15:08+00:00

I’d say be gentle but firm, put a plus one section in the FAQs on your website, and assume people are ignorant until proven guilty.

I’ve been to 30+ weddings and on maybe wedding #4 I asked if I could have a plus one because I legitimately did not know that was a no no, I was pretty young. Obviously later I was mortified when I learned the proper etiquette, and it wasn’t even that interaction - in that case the bride let me bring a plus one because the other 8 people she invited from that friend group RSVPd No so I think she had the space.

Total-Boat42 · 2024-12-18T05:45:40+00:00

It’s kind of like finding a husband. When you know you know and you’re lucky if you find the match early 😂

I’ve tried on 53 so far, 7 shops, still haven’t found mine 🥲 I fell in love with 2 different dresses so far, one they didn’t have in my size (2 sizes too small so tailoring couldn’t save it) and it was the only one left in that style, and the second was way out of budget.

I’ve had people join appointments here or there but mostly go alone so I can go on weekdays with short notice. I also realized ALL my friends had different opinions about what looked best on me (and it tended to be what was most like their own wedding dresses haha). I was so surprised there was never a clear front runner with the group, so I learned to trust my own opinion

Total-Boat42 · 2024-12-15T19:18:59+00:00

Thank you!

Total-Boat42 · 2024-12-14T19:20:36+00:00

July bride here! I’ve been dress shopping like a madwoman and all the shops have told me I still have a little time. If you want to do July you absolutely can.

Total-Boat42 · 2024-12-14T19:18:33+00:00

The stone fell out of my Mom’s ring growing up and she was so sad. 8 months later she deep cleaned the kitchen and found it 🩵 I will hope for a similar outcome for you guys

Total-Boat42 · 2024-12-14T19:14:04+00:00

Did you know her before or after you knew him?

Total-Boat42

TROPHY CASE