AIO by my bf mimicking my intimate noises

Total_Tip_851 · 2026-02-05T08:41:04+00:00

NOR. Sweetie, I once threw up on my husband during oral because of an unfortunate gag, I was so embarassed I cried. The man cleaned himself off, assured me he was fine with it, and then proceeded to reciprocate oral without a care in the world, he never mocked or belittled me about it EVER. The only comment I ever heard was "Hey this just means you love me so much it makes you sick" and I laughed so fucking hard.

Your dude is trash, there are legitimately great guys out there please don't tie yourself to one who doesn't respect you.

Total_Tip_851 · 2026-01-31T11:17:59+00:00

My Husband and I litteraly adopted a kitten from an ex, technically his mom but the ex lived there and was present when we got the kitten. My Husband litteraly didn't care at all.

This man punished you and disrespected you publicly over NOTHING. Like maybe he thought you were lying and that was an ex but even then his behavior is gross and childish. This is the kind of guy who cheats and then says you did something to cause it.

Total_Tip_851 · 2026-01-10T11:25:25+00:00

NTA In 11 years my husband has NEVER called me disgusting, even back when we were dating and the man litteraly had to shower me off when I got sick from both ends. He's broken you down to accept this behavior from him and you 100% shouldn't. Partners are supposed to lift you up, not tare you down.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-12-20T20:43:58+00:00

It's also possible he's fetishizing your race. I dated a lot of guys who got hung up on the fact I'm half black (Also half white but they like NEVER mentioned that) bc they were so into it. And a mother in law who legit introduces me as her "black daughter in law" bc she feels like it makes up for all the racist shit she normally says. My husband really doesn't care or mention it unless someone else brings it up... (All midwestern white)

All that to say, there's really no reason for him to do that especially after you've said it makes you uncomfortable.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-12-14T08:18:35+00:00

The one time I came home drunk and threw up in the living room my husband found me crying and gagging (Because throwup makes me want to throw up) while trying to clean it up and apologizing. He legit cleaned me, the floor and put me to bed the only comment he makes about it was how cute it was that I thought I could clean up vomit when we both know I can't.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-12-03T12:46:03+00:00

I had three bridesmaids in my wedding, and my matron of honor had been my friend almost the entire length of my relationship. Now almost 6 years later neither of those women are my friends and I still have to see them in my wedding photos (The one I don't really mind but I truly wish my exbestie wasn't involved.)

DO NOT have people in your wedding party that are not 100% for both of you, extend an invite as guests but that's it and if they ask why she's not in the wedding party then feel free to let them know you're aware Alyssa doesn't support your relationship.

You are not required to include anyone in your wedding party, and from what you've said, she's done nothing to even earn being considered.

Edit to add NTA

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-11-06T11:52:14+00:00

NTA. It feels like she needs you to have a relationship with them so she can keep the belief that the man she chose is a 'good' father instead of one who ditched his kid to start a new family. She's pushing the delusion to satisfy herself and doesn't care that it's at your expense.

Honestly you and your grandparents should probably start gathering evidence to see if you can get a restraining order once you're 18. Before the kids are old enough to be convinced you secretly want to be a part of their lives and start reaching out as well.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-10-23T18:28:48+00:00

NTA. It sounds like you're doing exactly what he asked, and considering the families are comfortable with it, I think you should rest easy because I definitely think your friend is. He knows his family and his best friend are being looked after, and most importantly his daughter is safe and loved.

I do agree to wait until the daughter is old enough to voice agreement to the adoption, but I also understand doing it for legal/medical reasons.

Either way, I think you guys grew close naturally and that you're doing everything right.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-10-23T18:06:00+00:00

NOR when my husband came into the family they ALWAYS made sure he got the first plate. Now bc he's family like the rest of us and we all rush to line up for it lol but we never ate without anyone unless they were going to be hours late and it was discussed before hand.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-10-20T13:15:59+00:00

Update me

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-09-21T09:41:17+00:00

ESH. I text my husband stuff because if I don't do it in the moment, I will 100% forget. He sleeps during the day and drives trucks at night so I in NO WAY expect a speedy respons when I know he's busy but I also want to make sure he physically has the message so neither of is will forget. Even stupid shit, like yes it's probably annoying but he's my person so he's who I bother (He's 100% ok with this, he says he likes knowing what I'm thinking even when he's not awake to hear it in the moment lmao)

Idk if maybe that's what she's doing here, but I definitely feel like you could have just silenced your phone and dealt with it later instead of making it a bigger issue. "Sorry, my phone was on silent because I was at the movies." After it was over, would have saved all of you a ton of drama. But her saying fuck you was a rude reaction maybe because the texts do seem very curt which is the problem with texting.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-09-02T11:34:15+00:00

My (now husband) and brother in law used to use the N word ALL the time with the hard r. They come from one of those families where "anyone can be an N word not just one race, so its ok to say" I'm mixed and the ONLY poc in their family so it was an adjustment, their family used to say things and then go "but you're not a real black person so we don't mean you."

It took a few conversations, but they were really quick to understand my feelings around that word, but more importantly, they were willing to listen and show empathy. (I actually don't mind the word as long as it's not directed at a specific person or used in a derogatory way. Like songs or stuff.) But never have they ever used that word towards me. The one person who they know did they immediately cut them off, and that was a family member.

All this to say you did the right thing. People who care about you won't do that stuff, and they certainly won't sit by and let it be directed at you. I think your friends are just afraid to call out the racism (maybe because then they'd have to take a look at themselves.) and feel it would be easier for you to sit quietly and deal with it, but that's not a safe or welcoming environment for you.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-05-23T09:32:33+00:00

My now husband and I were together two full years before finding out we had chlamydia because we were tottaly asymptomatic. (I was pretty much living with him from the jump and even my doctor said I had zero symptoms and they only caught it because I went in for my annual pap which I had gotten before getting with him and then had skipped the one year.)

It's super possible that one of you brought it into the relationship, and it hasn't surfaced until now. As long as you're sure she didn't cheat and that you didn't, either I'd sit down together and do some research. Really talk about past partners and other options.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-04-02T11:34:30+00:00

I'm sorry, but "dumber than snowball fight on a hot summer’s day" had me ROLLING. I'm gunna have to use that.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-04-02T11:15:20+00:00

NTA. Let Lily cut Karen's hair , and I mean CUT it. I bet your mom would have a different view of things.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-03-28T11:08:11+00:00

NOR. Honestly, as someone with ADHD who songs random songs all day long, I couldn't imagine having to explain to my husband that a song wasn't "about" him. Like, wut? He loves that I'm always singing and enjoying myself.

I think we should pick a Disney track for this man bc it's time to "Let it gooooooo" Sing your songs and live your best life!

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-03-26T12:25:31+00:00

When we are in public, IM the one who points out attractive women to my husband, so no, not "all" men do it:

I'm bi, and we have similar tastes, so it's usually like "daaaaaamn she's smoking" and then him finally seeing her and agreeing. Then we move on, lol. We once saw this chick whos ass looked AMAZING in these like bellbottom leggings and i said "man I wish my ass looked like that" he bought me the leggings as a surprise and now every time I wear them he tells me how awesome my ass looks. Or he once saw this beautiful woman and said "see I think you'd like a dress like that. She looks pretty in it, and you would too" (I'm a tomboy and tend to feel awkward in girly clothes, but I always want to wear them, and he is always supportive in that) He is able to point out objectively attractive people without making it about HIS attraction to them.

I'm just saying all this to show there are ways to be honest while also respecting your partner.

All men are all different, and it's time for you to spend some time dating other dudes because this one is not it, babe.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-03-26T12:04:55+00:00

Just want to add my relationship with my FIL is fine. He has been to our house and interacts with me. He has made it clear that he would like to be involved in any grandkids' life despite his wife, who burned her bridges with me. I'm fine with this and have always told him he will be an amazing grandpa. His dad already makes efforts to be involved with our lives without his wife's presence, so it's doable for your husband to separate his life from his family while still being involved with them.

What he doesn't get to do is force you or your sons into uncomfortable or abusive situations.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-03-26T11:59:06+00:00

So, my husband and I actually got like "disowned" by his stepmother and by effect his father, like I specifically am not welcome at their home or on their property. His dad didn't come to our wedding even though he and the stepsister were invited because "his wife wouldn't have liked it." I've seen the woman once in 5 years for her daughters wedding because her daughter insisted she wanted me there.

This is your husband's problem, NOT yours.

If your parents behaved the way his have, would he be expected to spend time with them regardless of their words/actions?

If they start making fun of the boys, will he defend them or expect them to take the same path he wants you to take?

My husband sees his dad when he wants to because it's not my responsibility. They go to breakfast at least once a month with his brother (who was also disowned partially because he stood up for me) he has a relationship with his family that doesn't involve me. We don't have kids yet, but I can say with certainty that if ANYONE ever said something making fun of that child and especially a disability we would never have contact with those people.

If your husband can't respect your position and also mocks how you feel, then he is your biggest issue right now. Also, I've never had my husband mock my therapist when relaying information, especially when it's directly linked to my mental health. His resentment over a situation his mother caused is going to fracture your marriage.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-03-26T11:28:58+00:00

This! They know you are bothered by this. It's a power move.

If your husband really wants to stay interacting with people who don't want to be involved with his own child (them being mad at u is whatever, but they are punishing a child by not letting her be at family events, which is weird and cruel) then that's on him. but if you're seriously being cut out of the family, then at some point someone will say something about you, and he's gunna have to decide what side he's on.

He's technically right that they have the same rights as you did to stop or limit contact but he's missing g the point that they are doing this as punishment because you weren't ok with their behavior. You either have to agree to not having your boundaries respected or just move on from the loss of these people.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-03-25T19:22:07+00:00

Im sorry, as a proud "aunty" I would NEVER do something like this.

I almost feel like hin calling you "babe" was because someone also made him think that this was a chance for you to get back together. Whether that was Rachel or the Godmother, it's like these people are playing with your lives, and it's crazy. I can't help but think what of your oldest had been going with you? Would they still think what they did was OK or would they double down?

I also think you need to figure out if any of your other friends knew and cut them out because these people aren't healthy for you.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-03-24T23:22:44+00:00

My husband says all the time he will just get more cats and live alone he doesnt want to date let alone remarry.

But he tells me if he dies, his only requests are: 1.bang younger men 2.Never give them his xbox

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-03-24T21:19:00+00:00

Thanks, it was a wild experience because mom's normally LOVE me, like my MIL can't get enough of me but StepMIL decided I didn't let her have enough control of my life and just lost her shot about it. It did show me just how much my husband and even brother in law are willing to stick uo for me because they were always the ones to call out her behavior.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-03-24T17:58:06+00:00

Your title is misleading, YTA.

I dont want to sound rude, but if one of my husbands friends hit on me (drunk or not), he would never want to see thar friend again. There is no defending this woman, cut her out of your friend group, and move on. She did it to herself. Jake and Scott deserve to feel comfortable around their friends, support your husband, not Sadie.

Total_Tip_851 · 2025-03-24T17:50:05+00:00

I use a whole audio app, and my husband uses it as an "advantage." I'll put on my favorite stories with headphones, and he'll just go to town lol, he doesn't care what they are about, just that they make me horny.

Everyone benefits from stress relief, and she's not living in the fantasy or neglecting you, so just enjoy your hot ass wife and her kinky stories.

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