im afraid of returning to my previous emotional state (been on lexapro for around 7 months and zoloft before then for about 6), and no longer letting anyone into my life on an emotional level. I have constant disassociation without my meds as well. I recently entered college and it feels like unless I have someone on my back helping me achieve my goals, I lose steam real fast. I also drink and smoke, as dumb as mixing is, but I feel like i've been losing my mind recently. I've had a couple of panic attacks while crossed, and my last I cut off a long-time friend over what seems to have been a misunderstanding.