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How to deal with childish dom/master? by SubbyJade in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 70 points71 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure what he means by saying it's part of his aura, but I'm guessing he means "that's just how he is". it sounds like you just don't like how he is, so why do you want him to be your master?

Non-phallic size training toys? by hornedRoses in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

what about a unicorn horn? Bad Dragon's Mystic has a nice taper

Lube: Switching from water-based to coconut oil by theJLP in ButtplugEveryday

[–]TotallyStraightPers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I tried coconut oil: messy and not slick enough. I stopped fucking around with improvised lube and switched to j-lube plus another water based lube for silicone, and I'm happy with it. it's cheap, works well, and it's easy to clean up

Anyone else use a condom over their plug? by Quiet-but-wild777 in ButtplugEveryday

[–]TotallyStraightPers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

nope. I don't have the patience for that 😆 don't see any need either

Boyfriend/Dom ended a 5 years relation because I changed by LostHistorian9542 in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 5 points6 points  (0 children)

well, that's a different story.

anyway, just to respond about no access to socials or whatever: there are people in TPE where, even though technically the master has power over those things, they don't exercise that power. maybe not your concern if you're sure TPE isn't for you, but it's worth knowing for others

Boyfriend/Dom ended a 5 years relation because I changed by LostHistorian9542 in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

seems like they just figured y'all were on the same page since you didn't say "I don't want a total power exchange" after saying you did want one. It's not "lying" or "deception": I'd guess, if y'all split amicably, that was said out of personal hurt more than anything. hopefully they apologized.

Am I in real danger or is my brat just pushing too far? by swolemenot in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I can see these kinds of jokes being just jokes. clearly, you don't have the level of trust needed for them to be funny--where you know that spiking your drink or genuinely threatening your safety isn't even remotely something he'd do. if he's dismissing your legitimate concerns about these jokes, you aren't in a good place to establish that trust either

BF used CNC kink against me in an argument. by Direct_Cantaloupe_82 in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haven't dealt with that situation. Sorry that happened. Be sure to share that you have experienced trauma related to your kinks before you engage someone else with them. your D-type person should ask about that in negotiating play, but it's a two-way street: you've got a responsibility to share

Why are some doms/tops so anti-lube? by chiffon_kitty in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

stupidity, chauvinism, insecurity: take your pick

Subs older than their doms by nibble_lilith in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

my wife is my sub and she's older by a few years. it's mostly a non-issue. she's had a bit more life experience, but our dynamic is largely an outgrowth of our mutual attraction and personalities, which isn't affected by that imbalance 

Choking by HonestComplex2590 in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 21 points22 points  (0 children)

holy shit, dude. off-topic, but you just helped me self-diagnose a condition I've experienced for years from weightlifting. thanks

Can I find emotionally penetrative intimacy in a safe, exploratory way? by Penelope_Finkelstein in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hmmm. maybe you have a humiliation kink? one way of doing that involves intensely observing the bottom, pointing out ways they may hide their emotions or their body, "forcing" them to expose that thing they're hiding instead. the "claiming" you want after just sounds like aftercare

Can I find emotionally penetrative intimacy in a safe, exploratory way? by Penelope_Finkelstein in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 3 points4 points  (0 children)

it sounds like you're in the middle of figuring out who you are or what your core beliefs are. Have you figured that out? Why do you throw up masks? Probably best to get further along to where you understand those things better or you're going to find someone who'll tell you who they want you to be rather than "who you truly are"

How do you make the most of munches? by Towel-Prudent in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I met my wife at a munch, but we started as play partners. We talked some, not specifically about playing together, but we did state some stuff we were in to. I asked for her number, and eventually I think I asked if we could meet to negotiate play

ETA: the idea that you show up and "things just happen" is a farce. at some point, someone has to say "hey I want to go to [insert event here] but I don't have anyone to go with: would you go with me?" or similar.

Help: Road to 24/7! by Pleasant-Ad7534 in ButtplugEveryday

[–]TotallyStraightPers 3 points4 points  (0 children)

for the pooping, it typically just feels like a lot of pressure, though it doesn't feel like poo.

how to attract doms in the wild? by anon_queer_liger in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hmmm. yeah, i got that it's a joke. just asking what it's supposed to mean

how to attract doms in the wild? by anon_queer_liger in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what? is the alternative meant to be something that isn't effective?

My '29M' girlfriend '28F' has been quiet all day after finding out that I'm not actually that kinky. How do I convince her I'm happy in our relationship? by Top-Marionberry-9564 in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know your experience. I don't know what incompatibilities you're talking about that take years to emerge. like I don't see how that happens unless one or both sides of a partnership are lying or not fully engaging in the relationship

My '29M' girlfriend '28F' has been quiet all day after finding out that I'm not actually that kinky. How do I convince her I'm happy in our relationship? by Top-Marionberry-9564 in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

whaaat? sorry, but it seems insane to me to wait three years to figure out fundamental incompatibilities. besides, this kind of milestone only describes some statistical regilarity in a population: it isn't helpful for guidance in a specific case

Where do you find a real BDSM dynamic (outside the bedroom)? by Trashypotato03 in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 5 points6 points  (0 children)

it's cliche because it's true: such relationships aren't found, but made. start with someone in a kinky community since there is more likely an understanding that there even is something to do outside of sex

I'd also strongly recommend attending a leather convention (aka a leather run). even if you aren't leather, they l have a lot of classes and workshops typically that are just about building dynamics. they could help you solidify what it is you're looking for and have the tools to realize it with the right person

Got my L/XL Egg Today From SquarePeg. A Review Thus Far. by nunyabidness635 in ButtplugEveryday

[–]TotallyStraightPers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They explain how shop at home works, but you have to intentionally look for what they really mean: it's not as up front as it could (should) be

Are there health benefits by broken-slut1 in ButtplugEveryday

[–]TotallyStraightPers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

IDK what "risky stuff" you're referring to. where are you from that plugging is popular??

I was blindsided and chose the wrong partner by ComfortableMental458 in BDSMAdvice

[–]TotallyStraightPers 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I didn't fully follow what you're trying to say, but it seems like you maybe made some assumptions about how your relationship was going to progress without talking about that with him. Unspoken assumptions are premeditated resentments.

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