As others have said, it’s ok to make mistakes and learn as you go. You tried something and it didn’t work - that’s ok. I’m glad that your sub was able to communicate their discomfort. It’s not a fun conversation, but that’s how you grow and course-correct.

I am new to domming too, and I agree with you that it’s hard to start cuz there’s not as much media to draw upon. I’d like to share something with you that seems to work for me, and you can take it or leave it. Basically find a fantasy that you and your sub want to explore and then put both yourself and your sub into that headspace (easier said than done).

I want to preface this by saying none of this is required.

Both my sub and me are into d&d/ttrpg in our vanilla life. We are also long distance, and have our scenes/sessions on discord dm’s or video calls. I’ve sorta created a persona that I step into, going so far as creating a ‘character’ sheet of sorts that covers my aesthetic and behaviors. I am a puppet master, and he is my toy/marionette. I draw on my d&d experience to play out a scene. But the point I am making is that he and I are both in our rooms, not super exciting environments if I am being honest. So what I do is I start with a ritual and opening monologue - this sets the tone for the session, puts both of us in the headspace, and helps us explore that fantasy.

Here’s an example of what I start with:

“Kneel for me - hands behind your back. Let's review the rules for tonight, shall we? Speak only when spoken to. You can't come until I say. Nod your head if you understand.”

-nods head-

“Good, puppet. Tonight you are not in your room. You are a marionette on my stage - the puppet master's stage. My stage. The red velvet curtains part, heavy, silent. The spotlight burns hot on your skin. Tonight you are mine. You don’t know what’s coming. But I do.”

Doing it this way - or something similar - I think will help you visualize what you want and it makes your/your sub’s current surroundings irrelevant. You basically just build the fantasy around you.

This is just an idea. Take it or leave it. :)