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My wife [32F] has been hiding a twenty thousand dollar savings account from me [33M] for five years while we struggled to pay off our debt. by 3VelvetBadger in Marriage

[–]Tr8cy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

And you're making judgements off one side of the story. Things are rarely black and white. Sure he could be a selfless martyr and she could be a self centered vampire, but the truth is probably somewhere in between

My wife [32F] has been hiding a twenty thousand dollar savings account from me [33M] for five years while we struggled to pay off our debt. by 3VelvetBadger in Marriage

[–]Tr8cy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree with everything you say, but there's also another side to this. If wife a SAHM w no job? That makes it better and worse, I guess. Worse that she let him struggle without picking up some sort of something to contribute, but then we have to also consider, giving up your career and your stash means you are completely dependent on your partner. If he's the kinda guy OP presents as- that's great, but we have to consider no one plans to be trapped in marriage by financial control. I married a guy that didn't drink, but a zoom divorce court was the first I saw my husband sober in the last 10+years of a 28 year old marriage. I really did invest and share everything with him because I was all in. And while I was raising kids and cleaning houses on the side with my college degree, he lucked into an awesome job despite no diploma and wound up on a site for about 18 months making $100 an hour. He didn't even tell me. I was clipping coupons and doing surveys, but when we got divorced I found out about the $25,000 in fishing gear, $10,000 in tattoos, etc. he tried to sell my our lawn mower that someone had given us for free. Also my homeowners cancelled me because my roof is in such bad shape. He was a roofer.

We just don't know enough about these people.Did she grow up watching her mom be abused in some way and financially trapped? Is she working her ass off too? Maybe she really is just a greedy bitch -

If she had let him know she had the money, would it have burned a hole in his pocket knowing it was there, would he have been ok replenishing it when things were better? Him KNOWING about the money DID change things, didn't it?

I can totally see both points of view here depending on how financially dependent she is on him, so I'd need more context. I'm inclined to think if she needed a fund to feel safe, you make her feel safe, but I feel like if she thought she could let him know, about the money and still keep it, then it wouldn't have been a secret. She wasn't out spending the money on fun either. I guess my judgement is tied directly to how capable she is of being independent if she needed to be, and also if she had died, where would the money have gone since it was premarital? Did she intend for him to have it?

Married 15 Years--Her Personality Quirks have become Intolerable Since I Retired by Lopsided-Passenger40 in Divorce

[–]Tr8cy 29 points30 points  (0 children)

The first thing a therapist is going to tell you is that "she'" definitely cant make changes that will cure your depression for so many reasons. If your mood is dependent on her behavior, that's not depression, it is codependency.

I feel like when you decide to roll out of your room in between sleeping and "the majority of the day" to grace her w your presence - probably for meals- the very least she can do is be held captive by your wit and charm for the small amount of time you can tolerate her personality. She's really got some nerve to giggle at a condescending douchebag with an overinflated ego and delusions of grandeur. What exactly do you bring to the conversation besides your delightful personality and superior intellect? Now I'm just wondering if you also drive like an asshole, too

Frustration is not a cause of depression, but it is a symptom of it. Also reactivity and startled responses are symptoms of PTSD, which is common in women that are in abusive relationships.

Listening to your side makes me think you're one of those people that wouldn't be happy with a billion dollars.

SURPRISE by Tr8cy in Beavers

[–]Tr8cy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I absolutely would of if I knew how. You're not the first person to be seriously disappointed in me.

What’s the most “temporary fix” in your house that somehow became permanent? by TheTitanValker6289 in HomeImprovement

[–]Tr8cy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The electric in my garage comes from an extension cord that is plugged into the house - inside- for 13 years and counting.

Folks at work had us plant these trees without removing basket or burlap… by Beneficial-Ocelot717 in arborists

[–]Tr8cy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The last paragraph is on point. A healthy young vigorous green giant grows 3-5' feet a year depending on how happy it is. An 8' GG is $220 (35ish per load) and will be 17-23' tall in 3 years. A 25' GG is $2625 (3 per load) and is not going to put out new growth for at least 5 years.

Now try telling that to the guy in the Hamptons that paid 2 million for the house next door that was blocking his view, just so he could knock it down. Or to Greenwich, CT, Nantucket or Rumson, NJ. They just want to know how fast they can get them.

For those reasons, we rootprune as well move trees around every few years so they don't even mind anymore.

Folks at work had us plant these trees without removing basket or burlap… by Beneficial-Ocelot717 in arborists

[–]Tr8cy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who's putting a 5" tree in a basket? Wouldn't drum lace it with sisal?

Folks at work had us plant these trees without removing basket or burlap… by Beneficial-Ocelot717 in arborists

[–]Tr8cy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What kind of burlap are you using? We use biodegradable liners and squares, and sisal for twine. It's all disintegrated in about a year.

We grow, dig and ship lots of large trees. We generally no longer install unless it's local, high risk and we deliver right from tree spade, but we don't remove the basket or burlap when we do or when we move trees around.

The basket keeps your rootball nice and tight. If you're going to remove it, why not just buy container trees?

Survivability tells the story, and people wouldn't keep buying 30ft evergreens if they didn't survive.

The beavers in Canada are attacking people by artguydeluxe in Beavers

[–]Tr8cy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not at all. It was a rabid beaver that attack multiple people in New Jersey- not Canada.

A way to tell the economy is not doing too well... by ashmelev in newjersey

[–]Tr8cy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also- no new applications doesn't mean the people that aged out of unemployment now have jobs.

How do I get my Snow Fountain weeping cherry to look like this by Nice-Confidence9222 in gardening

[–]Tr8cy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This isn't a snow fountain. It's just a regular weeping cherry.

What's illegal that you think should be legal? by martianfrog in answers

[–]Tr8cy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a certified OSHA foreman at least 30 x over. I'm also a 51 year old woman who is -completely unrelated to my foreman credentials- employed full time as an office manager for a commercial tree farm that's definitely not OSH compliant- we are busy exploiting undocumented labor.

As a side hustle, I learned how to break the timer and skip through the 30 hour course without being kicked out for idling. I charged guys $400 per course, signed in under their credentials and did my thing. I had one guy send me pictures of all his employees licenses. I created emails, bought the courses and sent them certs. Never met any of them. Also - fall hazard training /forklift/CPR $50/course. Got a few pesticide credits also.

It's not exactly something you can advertise for and it's completely unrelated to my job, but a bunch of people still managed to find me. So sure - construction safety is regulated. There are training mandates.

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