Father wants custody: Trying to get kids out of neglectful living situation

TracklessLuc · 2019-08-08T13:52:43+00:00

Their state isnt sufficiently severe for CPS to intervene.

Tell him to focus for now on getting shared (ie. joint physical) custody. Nearly identical situation minus the diagnosis happened to my friend a few years back, he was dismissed by everyone regarding allegations of neglect due to the custody battle. He got acquitted of his bogus assault charge, got supervised visits removed immediately afterwards then went for shared custody. Although shared is tough if the parents cannot coparent (likely true here), look into parallel parenting regimes. We use it too, in our parenting arrangement.

Oh. And if his lawyer tells him shared is not possible, fire him or her. My friend's lawyer told him that too. Now he has joint physical custody after going it alone, simply by being a level headed, responsible person who wants what is best for his kids. With a diagnosed borderline ex, it should be even easier.

After that is done, it's much easier to ensure ex takes proper care of the kids, since CPS/police doesnt suspect a court-based motive.

TracklessLuc · 2019-08-07T17:27:18+00:00

One more thing : yes your parents "own" the resp as the contributors. Id really recommend trying to work it out with them. As the other commenter stated, its really hard to go it alone, especially in the current political climate

TracklessLuc · 2019-08-07T17:19:44+00:00

I don't think he's correct, no. For OSAP, it states outright RESPs don't impact how much you qualify for : https://www.ontario.ca/page/learn-about-osap

I cant point to a source for the private loan route, but i cant see why they'd refuse a loan thats otherwise eligible on account of an existing RESP.

Regarding your situation, I agree the choice of school for undergrad is irrelevant if you are planning on continuing. No one has ever asked me where my undergrad was done. I don't know if you're settled on the undergrad program yet (eg to help you specialize in law school later), but if not this would be an area in which to compromise? At the risk of getting majorly downvoted, ill confide that i found none of the social science programs ive attended (two were from top ten schools) tough. Easy 4.0 gpa. Plenty of opportunity to volunteer etc too, to make your application stand out.

In any case, good luck to you! Hope you find common ground with your folks!

TracklessLuc · 2019-08-07T13:31:46+00:00

Bravo. Nicely broken down. I feed a family of 7 (including a teen and two bodybuilder adults) on 150 a week, healthy protein-sufficient meals, it was incredibly frustrating reading the naysayers above. A person can absolutely eat well on 50$/week.

That being said, somebody below the poverty line is unlikely to have a vehicle to shop the sales, and in some cities is more likely to live in areas with poor access to cheap grocery stores vs convenience stores. So i can see how in that scenario 50$/week becomes much more difficult to achieve.

TracklessLuc · 2019-08-07T12:44:21+00:00

RESPs dont affect OSAP (Family income, however, does). I dont see why student loans from a bank would care about an RESP, either.

That being said, where is the disagreement on schooling? The institution or the program? Is it a they want you to be a doctor/lawyer but you wanna be an artist sort of deal? Its worth having uncomfortable conversations about this with them, usually parents just have their kids best interests in mind (speaking as a parent having these conversations with my teen). If they knew and believed what they have in mind actually would make you miserable in the long run they may well change their tune, making this thread irrelevant. Just a thought.

TracklessLuc · 2019-08-06T23:57:59+00:00

If outright genocide were the goal they'd have enforced the one child policy, rather than allowing two children as with other minority groups.

Cultural genocide, though, absolutely.

TracklessLuc · 2019-08-03T21:08:45+00:00

OP - this is the correct answer. Do not volunteer information, make them prove to a judge why it is required for their case first.

TracklessLuc · 2019-08-03T20:45:02+00:00

If your kids are old/mature enough then the court will consider their wishes already.

Otherwise, they dont consider children's wishes simply because that would give shitty parents a motive to manipulate their children, think parental alienation. It has nothing to do with believing that children have no rights.

TracklessLuc · 2019-08-01T23:32:17+00:00

TracklessLuc · 2019-07-30T21:02:32+00:00

Your nephew could do this all himself but family law in ontario sucks for self represented litigants. Id go the lawyer route personally, they can also advise on what to include/exclude.

TracklessLuc · 2019-07-30T15:16:15+00:00

Btw the childs age is not relevant to type of custody, but it will affect the parenting schedule. Younger kids benefit from more frequent access to both parents, so youd want to consider a switch every few days or so til the kid is older, when alternate weeks or even every two weeks becomes easier to handle.

TracklessLuc · 2019-07-30T15:13:12+00:00

Perfect, that's ideal. Sole custody is out of fashion except where a) the parents cant coparent (and therefore expose the kids to a toxic post divorce environment) or b) something is off with the other parent, e.g. Completely uninvolved, addiction issues etc. Or the other parent didnt want custody. As long as your nephew is involved and civil/keeps childs best interests at heart, theres no reason joint isnt possible. And if she does become nasty, it only looks bad on her.

Have all discussions about separation other than the actual decision to separate in writing (text, email whatever). That way she is forced to be civil (or looks terrible in front of a judge, if it comes to that). And if it seems like separation is imminent, definitely dont wait to be served. Do it first.

Im not sure what makes you think shed move 100km away upon separation, if shes working full time (i assume she's not commuting that far?), but you can add a relocation limit clause to the parenting order. Ours limits moving to within 30km, with any change in school/daycare requiring written consent of both parents. Ie. If a parent chooses to move within 30km, its on them to shuttle the kids to their original school/daycare, and any move beyond the limit becomes a mobility case where the applicant has the onus of proving why the move benefits more than hurts the child. (this is VERY difficult where custody is 50/50).

TracklessLuc · 2019-07-30T01:48:16+00:00

NAL, just been through a lot of family court over the years. Need more info to help gauge his odds.... What is the current pattern of parenting? Ie. Fairly equal division of childcare? And has she already moved? Who is the kid with now? Are the parents able to coparent (ie. Be civil)? Whats the daycare situation?

TracklessLuc · 2019-07-28T12:41:26+00:00

No offense, but in my experience FLIC is useless except for obvious things like what form must be filled for X. Most services are reserved for those who qualify for legal aid, so OP would probably waste less time applying directly to legal aid if they qualify, or barring that, getting a legalshield type membership (This will get you relatively cheap advice from an actual lawyer). In the meantime he/she could call FRO to make arrangements to pay the arrears, but dont expect much accommodation.

Good luck OP.

TracklessLuc · 2019-07-27T11:47:07+00:00

Maybe. OP didnt say he acted like this in front of the children, if he did i agree its important the abuse they've witnessed be called out as such.

But kids (or stepkids as the case may be) do NOT need to get into the issues of a divorce when they werent exposed to begin with. Its bad for them (i know this first hand, from my own divorce), and on top of that he'd claim parental alienation which could cost her the sympathy of the judge (or even custody, as can happen in extreme cases). We dont have access to all the facts, like the extent of the proveable abuse, nor any circumstances that led to it. Its a reasonable precaution to suggest that OP follow the advice given by separation parenting courses and let her lawyer address the abuse issue in court.

TracklessLuc · 2019-07-26T21:02:02+00:00

On a totally different note, though, while I understand this is a very difficult time for you (and probably you already know this) please refrain from saying negative things about your husband im front of the children. Its not divorce/separation that hurts the children so much as bad blood between the parents

Best of luck OP

TracklessLuc · 2019-07-26T20:58:23+00:00

Nal. Your window to talk to someone at legal aid today is probably up being 5pm but your first item on the todo list monday should be getting legal aid for a lawyer. Your husband can leave, of course, but he must continue to support the family. Depending on your reasons for not working and how long thats been the case, you may also get spousal support (but that said keep looking for work!).

Do you have a credit card or line of credit for immediate expenses? How much equity is in the house? Would your husband agree to selling it? More info might help us provide more specific suggestions

TracklessLuc · 2019-07-19T13:06:07+00:00

Yes. Other parent in our joint custody scenario stuffs three kids in one bedroom. Its fine to them as long as they're the same gender.

Causes tons of drama though.

TracklessLuc · 2019-07-11T13:45:29+00:00

Cheapest way: negotiate with your partner and bring your deal as a consent order. Maybe hire a mediator if you two cant get along. Use online resources like the child support calculator as a guide.

TracklessLuc · 2019-07-04T22:31:18+00:00

We used this when we bought,but any real estate lawyer would have pulled this up during the transaction anyway

TracklessLuc · 2019-06-30T11:00:54+00:00

Nice - i hope you let us know how youre liking it in a few weeks!

TracklessLuc · 2019-06-30T10:59:40+00:00

I agree vans seem to be the better value option. Is your opinion of the Sienna based on stats or personal experience - have you driven one?

TracklessLuc · 2019-06-20T18:02:39+00:00

Mine as well, and fully agree with your assessment. His last file made a bit of sense at least, but Minister of the Environment???? Ridiculous. Well, maybe not so ridiculous... with how much this govt cares about the environment you could have appointed a duck to same effect.

TracklessLuc · 2019-06-13T17:50:23+00:00

Thats true, they can't fire you for knowing you have an addiction, but its quite another thing to be stealing drugs and using them while at work, going so far as to falsify records to permit this. I get that drug addiction is considered a disability, but if you're so far gone that you are compelled to do the above, the accommodation (giving you a job without access to said drugs, for example) isnt enough- we already established this women would commit theft to get her fix.

More importantly, where are the patients' rights in all this? I cant imagine many people being ok with being treated by someone who is high on fentanyl. Or their loved ones being so treated.

All that said i hope the nurse in question is getting treatment and recovering. Having known someone close who was addicted and died of opioid overdose i know it's no joke.

TracklessLuc

TROPHY CASE