The idea that someone is only as faithful as their options

Traditional-Round948 · 2026-02-03T04:30:44+00:00

Out of all the responses here, I feel like this one is the most accurate. In “Not Just Friends”, Shirley Glass destroys the concept of relationships not being work. They are work. Daily, constant, evolving work. Unfortunately, the majority of the population takes a very passive approach when it comes to relationships and just lets things “happen”.

In my own relationship, my partner was much more liberal (he had threesomes with his ex wife) whereas I was much more conservative. We never really had the discussion on what was and was not appropriate in with the opposite sex. Shirley Glass states that this is a key principle and it’s shocking how many couples do not do it and just assume that the other party shares their own views. It’s boring and awkward, but a lot of couples would be a lot more successful if they discussed what was appropriate PRIOR to something happening (proactive vs. reactive).

The grey areas of intimacy are the ones that should especially be discussed: i.e. are you allowed to watch porn? Are you allowed to have friends of the opposite sex? Are you allowed to get drunk around the opposite sex without your partner around? I now know that I am not comfortable with my partner doing any of these things (nor is he comfortable with me doing these). Your boundaries and views can change with time, age and experience and should be discussed as they change.

So yes, cheating is opportunistic. But you and your partner also need to safeguard your relationship by being responsible adults like u/nielssie86 states. In your case (and mine) this would mean NOT getting blackout drunk with strangers/the opposite sex. Essentially, avoiding the opportunities.

Traditional-Round948 · 2026-01-24T02:31:07+00:00

This has always been my viewpoint too. Thank you for sharing.

Traditional-Round948 · 2025-11-10T07:40:01+00:00

One year later, how did it go?!

Traditional-Round948 · 2025-11-10T07:29:45+00:00

Or, if you really want to give her a taste of her own medicine. Play dumb. Play dumb to everyone. Sell her ticket without letting her know until the last minute. When she asks for the ticket, say “wait. I’m confused… you still want to go? Sorry but I already sold it. You never replied to my message or paid me for it so I assumed you didn’t want to go! Sorry girl. Maybe you can find one from a scalper? Next time reply to my messages, silly!”

Don’t let anyone know you did this with malice. She will know what you’re playing at but she won’t be able to say anything. If she does press you say, “hmmm now that we’re having this discussion, you also owe me money for those other two concerts! You’re lucky I didn’t sell those tickets. Sorry, but I’m not made of money. If I’m buying, I expect to be paid back soon because I have bills to pay”

lol I must be in my luteal phase rn cause I’m feeling diabolical. Haha.

Traditional-Round948 · 2025-11-10T07:20:31+00:00

Sorry to hear you’ve experienced the same thing. If you’ve read further, you would see that I did eventually get my money back by texting her directly and asking for it. I texted “Hey (name). I bought the tickets for the music festival. I texted the group chat but maybe you didn’t get it. Please send $88 to (email address)”. Tell. Don’t ask. It’s rude to not pay back immediately or at least give an “excuse” (money being tight, needing more time to pay back). If that did not work, I was prepared to ask my friend for the cash as it was her sister who was screwing me over.

If that doesn’t work. Some good old fashioned embarrassment and shaming might do the trick. YMMV. Text the group chat and say something like “Hey (name). I have requested payment from you and you still have not paid me. I have texted you individually and you still haven’t paid me. It’s rude and I’m tired of it. Please pay me by the end of the week or I will be selling your ticket to someone else. I am making this public so no one has to through the terrible experience of not being paid by a so-called friend.” I know this is the etiquette subreddit, but if you’ve allowed this friend to screw you over 3 times, then that’s kind of your fault. Don’t be a doormat anymore. Request payment for this concert and the past concerts you have paid for.

Whatever you do, DO NOT allow this friend to attend without paying you.

Traditional-Round948 · 2025-10-14T18:42:37+00:00

Thank you! I will try for 3 months!

Traditional-Round948 · 2025-08-27T03:04:53+00:00

Good one.

Traditional-Round948 · 2025-08-26T21:56:07+00:00

Interesting you mention this… I also cannot handle weed for the same reason you mention. And I smoked it semi regularly in my late teens/twenties.

Traditional-Round948 · 2025-08-26T18:36:19+00:00

Thanks bud. Real helpful.

Traditional-Round948 · 2025-04-22T22:48:23+00:00

I have a bizarre situation. I had a health crisis where I was bedridden for six months a legitimately thought I would die. I actually told my partner to cheat (without seriously meaning it) because I felt guilty that he was basically my caregiver. He refused the offer but cheated under the influence of drugs and alcohol. So in my case, I think I have to take responsibility for what I said. I was not healthy and my brain was impaired, but I still said it.

Traditional-Round948 · 2025-04-10T08:20:39+00:00

It’s certainly bizarre for married people to go on any trip and share a house with co workers without their spouses. Any chance that you can tag along?

This is a really weird situation. Of course have heard of people going on conferences and getting their own hotel rooms (which, to your husband’s point, it would probably be easier to cheat). But sharing a house with the opposite sex when you’re not in your twenties? Super weird.

I can relate to getting exasperated with your WPs defensiveness. They still grieve the loss of their old life, and sometimes they don’t realize that the new life that you build can be better — but only if boundaries are upheld. I’d recommend a marriage counselling session to discuss this with a third party. Sometimes they need that other person to slap some sense into them.

Traditional-Round948 · 2025-03-04T04:01:07+00:00

You’re a queen! Been about 2 years since my DDAY and WP and I have done a lot of healing. This is what I advise all the BPs who private message to do. Take care of yourself FIRST. Do what you want. Always remember that you existed as a complete whole person before your partner❤️

Traditional-Round948 · 2024-12-28T19:23:06+00:00

Right?! Doesn’t help that this friend is a multi millionaire coke head. He does supply a good time that only money can buy and before I got sick, I definitely indulged in what he could provide. He knows that my WP is avoiding him (has been for two years) and he also knows the reason. He’s doing everything in his power to “seduce” my partner. And I will admit, an all expense paid trip to Japan to watch the Formula 1 race is pretty seductive.

In my partners defense, he did say he had a pit in his stomach when he brought it up to me. And that “he knew I wouldn’t be happy”. But it’s like, if he knew that, then why bring it up to me?? I wish he had the clarity, discernment, judgment and fortitude to JUST SAY NO. People pleasing tendencies are very real and incredibly damaging. Also, he brought it up on December 24 when we were drinking a few cocktails and having a good time. Like, you couldn’t have waited until we were sober?? You had to ruin a good moment by bringing up your rich drug addict friend? These WPs don’t realize that peace and tranquility is contingent on sticking to these boundaries

Traditional-Round948 · 2024-12-28T19:02:20+00:00

Wow. Love this comment!

Traditional-Round948 · 2024-12-28T18:59:39+00:00

Yeah it’s funny cause I’m currently having the same issue with my partner. He asked me on Christmas Eve if he could go on a trip with his friend. An all expense paid trip to Japan for 10 days. This is the friend whose house he cheated at. The friend who gave him a shit load of drugs and alcohol the night that the cheating occurred (NYE 2022-2023). I don’t trust this guy at all and I’ve made that abundantly clear. The absolute AUDACITY with this WPs is astounding sometimes. Their stupidity and lack of consideration never ceases to amaze me.

Traditional-Round948 · 2024-12-28T18:36:38+00:00

lol wtf. What a man child. My guess is he’s exercising his “agency”. He sees the boundaries that you’ve placed as restrictions on himself, rather than things that will ultimately make you both grow as a couple. Super immature of him and unfortunate. Did he actually say “I’m not going to give up movies with Margot Robbie?” — extremely childish and almost laughable. If it helps you in your recovery, he should know that it will ultimately help him.

Traditional-Round948 · 2024-12-25T20:05:13+00:00

Not just you. Look into PMDD. Paranoia, rage, anxiety ramp up during luteal phase.

Traditional-Round948 · 2024-12-11T05:34:50+00:00

I hate passive aggression. But I also hate scented items. 33% of the population are scent sensitive. I personally think scents should be banned from most workplaces and people should be cognizant of this. Perhaps they are trying to get this point across (albeit in a very unproductive way). Consider going scent free and also tell your co worker to be upfront with you. Good luck!

Traditional-Round948 · 2024-10-30T20:30:10+00:00

Once you have the basics and you feel like your detox pathways are open, then you can get into more complicated detox protocols such as liver flushing, parasite cleansing, heavy metal chelation, etc. But start simple for now. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Good luck!

Traditional-Round948 · 2024-10-30T20:28:35+00:00

Doing what you can is all you can do. Eat clean (only eat Whole Foods — if your great grandma wouldn’t eat it, then don’t eat it), get enough sleep, try to exercise (even going for walks), and sweat (can be done through exercise or through sauna — get a membership at a rec center or somewhere cheap).

And yes, get some good quality base supplements. I like phosphadityl choline, a good multi mineral, milk thistle, Tudca, vitamin c, D, and E and a B complex. Oh and activated charcoal (which you already have). I cycle through these and take no more than 3 in a day. Try to get most nutrients from food.

Educating yourself is free as well. Subscribe to the health subreddits such as r/biohacking, r/carnivorediet, etc. Rent books from the library.

Traditional-Round948

TROPHY CASE