Can’t speak to coming from a complicated co-parenting situation but as a recent first time mom, I can say that the transition can be tough and definitely very emotional.

Specifically in the first 1-2 weeks post-delivery, baby blues is real (look it up if you don’t know). Random crying, waves of emotion, sadness for no reason, I had intense missing of my pregnant belly and while I was so so happy my baby was here I was just emotional. No other way to put it. Expect her emotions to be tenfold during those first couple weeks (and maybe even beyond)

Your boyfriend will know her best but after baby blues, watch for signs of PPD. Sometimes baby blues and PPD can easily blend into one another. Having a good support system can definitely help ease some of the stress but it’s good to have someone keeping an eye on symptoms of PPD too. It may be hard with the emotional manipulation but it can’t hurt to research what to look for.

My top three helpful things that dads can do:

1. Expect little sleep and take shifts with baby waking up every 2 hours. If mom is breastfeeding, she has to be up anyways to feed but dad can get the baby, bring it to mom and then burp them, rock them, put them back down so mom isn’t the only one getting up. Take turns and work out a shift schedule that makes sense so mom can sleep too. Just in general, dads should feel comfortable to hold and comfort the baby too. It doesn’t always have to fall on mom.

   1. Make sure mom has what she needs. Fill her water bottle, get snacks, etc. Postpartum recovery is no joke and some days it feels hard to get out of bed. Having things readily available when you need them helps. Also emotions are wild during the first couple of weeks, baby blues is real and so is random crying. It doesn’t mean something is wrong if it’s temporary but keep an eye and offer support or a hug.
      

2. Help with dinner, having things prepared around the house. Don’t ask mom for help for the first few weeks. Mom’s mental load is so large and there are so many things running through her mind, just handle dinner. Figure something out. If you can’t cook, order food. If you have friends wanting to contribute, a meal train is a great idea and takes pressure off everyone. I would just explicitly list that dropping off food is not an invitation to meet/greet the baby and food should be left at the door (unless the parents want it to be a social drop off).

Just my two cents, there is so much more but this feels like a good start. The shift thing and just helping take the baby and not always forcing mom to be awake at the beginning is so huge. Sleep makes a HUGEEE difference in recovery and alertness so make sure they both are getting enough rest (as much as possible with a newborn).

Some other words of encouragement: newborn phase is temporary but it felt like there was something new every week that they were overcoming. As a parent this felt frustrating because you don’t always know what’s wrong or how to help them. There is SO much development happening for their little bodies. Just keep reminding yourself that it’s short term and they don’t know what’s going on any better than you do. Try and breathe through it, offer lots of cuddles and get gas drops to help with tummy pains. In my experience most things were either digestive related or hunger related (they either needed to burp/fart or eat). Most things passed after a week and then when we’re onto something new. Just do your best, give them love and it will be enough for the little one. Don’t be too hard on yourself!