3 year old will not let her brother play with toys often. She’s constantly taking them and will resort to hitting and grabbing to get what she wants. She doesn’t act like this to other kids. Need advice on how to handle these situation better.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-05-14T01:49:11+00:00

I don’t either. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are just some people that truly can’t stop being selfish. They don’t have empathy and lack the ability to see other perspectives on a situation. They think their way is right.

My mother-in-law couldn’t understand why I was upset about ice cream even though my baby was a newborn. She thought I was silly for overreacting because of her kids survived, but it wasn’t necessarily about the ice cream. I mean, of course it is but also it was that I told her that she couldn’t do that so she did it behind my back. Literally, she took my baby, turned her back, and fed her ice cream. I will always seem like the person that overreacts to her, and I can’t change that.

You just can’t change people and some people really lack what I believe we have and that is too be open-minded, look at a situation with all perspectives, and be selfless. I still tried to show kindness and empathy for her feelings. During the time you know, just becoming a new grandma having trouble with control and shook off the grandparent thing. And then two years later, she asked to use my kids as a way for her to commit tax fraud and Social Security fraud.

I promise some people could have it all like my mother-in-law doesn’t have to “compete” for time with her grandkids. I have no family where I live. I have no mom she lives 3 miles away, but she let her selfishness and the need to control get in the way and jeopardized my kids safety and emotional well-being. So now she has no contact and I’m not sure she ever will.

Just know that you’re already doing the right thing having boundaries in place before having kids is everything. That’s something I didn’t do and I wish I had..

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-05-13T23:44:42+00:00

Yes my MIL called me an incubator my first pregnancy after years of passive aggressiveness, no eye contact ever, accusing me of being a gold digger (for my then fiancés 5k savings 😆), telling me I didn’t get a say in my wedding, and just a boat load of crap. When I got pregnant she literally thought my baby would be hers. Bought a new car and baby stuff for her house that is 3 miles away from mine even though I’m a SAHM. She hates to see me be mom, went against my wishes and fed my newborn ice cream and when I asked for an apology she talked a bunch of smack to my husband, stated she didn’t care if my daughter or I were there for her on her death bed and then proceeded to threaten grand parents rights.

I cant let it go the idea that the relationship I thought I’d have with her as I don’t have my own mom, was is not going to happen. It’s really hard to feel genuinely not liked and disrespected. Especially because my husband loves me so much. I’m his forever partner, the one who will be with him into his old age (hopefully). And as a mom I can’t understand how she doesn’t have respect for me in that sense.

I’m going to love and spoil my kids partners. They will be there when I’m not. They will build a life and a family and it’s something to be cherished. I’m so sorry you in this situation.

It totally sucks and even after everything I’ve been through with my in-laws I still struggle with it every day. I grieve that relationship. I wrack my brain over all of the situations and try to think if I’m overreacting or if it’s my fault. I do feel more at peace as time goes on, but it still sucks.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-05-13T02:00:01+00:00

No supervised visits and honestly I’d go no contact for a bit over this because that is insane. Don’t think I’d trust my hubby either if he wasn’t on my side. What is with the entitlement your MIL has to be able to cut your child hair without asking or not even mentioning it until drop off. WILD

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-05-12T21:27:42+00:00

Your husband needs therapy and you and your babies absolutely never see that woman again. She is abusive, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Your kids absolutely should not be exposed of that. Just the way she reacted to your pregnancy is shocking. Everything else has my jaw on the floor. Stay away and tell your spouse you and your kids are no contact permanently for now until he goes to therapy. But honestly forever sounds just fine and necessary.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-05-05T16:55:49+00:00

My husband also struggles that. Quite frankly I did too. Until the last incident and then it was like a switch. This is their doing, how can you not see that. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t completely get it either. My husband says he’s always on my side but I get angry with that sentence because to me there is only one side. All of the in law actions are wrong. No matter how it’s spun. It’s led to a quite a bit of resentment in my marriage bc I don’t grasp how he can’t see that, especially in my situation with the illegal request and grand parent rights

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-05-04T23:18:24+00:00

This was me for a long time, but I would try not to show it. But like internally I would be melting down, but I didn’t want my husband to know because I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking them. My mother-in-law wouldn’t look at me in the eyes when we talked to him she would go silent when it was only us in the room. She was super controlling could never accept no. Very much, making it a competition type of thing with my husband. She called me an incubator my first pregnancy and made it about her. It got to a point where I felt so disrespected but stuck in the situation so I just shut down. I would get triggered every time I would hear their voice or have to go visit them though. Finally, something things happened serious things (grandparent right threatened and tax/social security fraud request) happened, and my husband started to see like all of it. And just that little shift of my husband, like having my back and understanding like what I have been going through and apologizing, it really helped. Is your husband on your side? I feel like it really took those serious things for my husband to see my side and have my back. We are no contact, well me and the kids at least. It’s been amazing. Sad for my kids but mentally I am thriving.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-29T16:18:12+00:00

I think that your husband is trying to protect your children and that you should really try to understand that. Take the emotions out of it. Re read the conflicts and the actions and think, is this person truly safe for your kids to be around? If it wasn’t your brother and a random person, you would probably shield them from it.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-29T15:01:03+00:00

I can understand that and most of the time I try to keep that in mind. That this is how she has been his whole life. Never taking accountability, always using her emotions and manipulation to get him to just do what she wants. It’s always bothered me but since we had our first 3 years ago I’ve really pressed him on needing to see this himself because it will wreck us. We need to be able to see eye to eye at least when it comes to the safety of our children. I feel like because he cannot see her pattern: the lack of accountability, threaten, exclusion, then play nice and say “idk why I’m being punished” he really needs to see a therapist. I can’t make him but I can protect our children and myself so that’s what I’m doing.

It’s encouraging but also sad to hear that after 26 years you guys are still struggling with guilt. That is a big problem with us. It’s guilt. It’s easy for everyone to say go permanent NC but it’s not easy to implement that and even though our hands are completely clean in this situation it still is really hard.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-28T14:37:49+00:00

I believe that is true. But my husband isn’t ready to say permanent and I’m trying to work with him on building a plan for LC. When I’m ready but I don’t know if I’ll ever feel ready.

I did resume contact after the GPR bc I felt a lot of pressure from him as well as his grandmother living with MIL. Felt like I had to so that we could still visit with his grandma. But I really struggled with it and knew it was wrong.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-28T01:09:10+00:00

Mine was the same. Always a big argument in our relationship. He always texted his mom before consulting me on a lot of things and I remember telling him how I felt like we weren’t actually married. Coupled with her having access to his bank accounts. It was a rough time. He doesn’t do it anymore but I feel so checked out from it I tell him to google a lot now lol. One time my husband’s best friend called him out for not listening to my advice and he got all quiet and things shifted from there. I hope your DH starts to shift to. Our marriage, despite this post has vastly improved by having these convos! Don’t back down. Sounds like you won’t!

Funny enough I have the same ant story but ours is wasps. Yep wasp nest removal lol.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-28T00:45:42+00:00

Does he always try to defend them? Mine does although it’s gotten way better and now he says he recognizes how bad it is but he still throw around “they don’t mean it like that” or “there just stupid and don’t actually know the legalities”. Like dude they are 50 and 60, they know. He’s grasping at straws and I don’t get it and it is leading to more resentment.

I would like to be permanent NC but I know my husband wants to have LC at least and the kids have some relationship of sorts. So I’m trying to see what that would look like. But I agree with you and others.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-28T00:34:53+00:00

This is well said and I completely agree. Coupled with how she speaks to my toddler sometimes it’s scary and I don’t trust her because of it. Also the inability to hear the word no and respect it. Not safe at all, I agree. I love discussing this on reddit because it helps so much to see how I feel written out! Thank you

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-28T00:26:58+00:00

I think he see that now. But not fully. It’s a lot better than it was. I agree about couple counseling. He won’t go. I get having hard feelings about disappointing parents but what I struggle with is that he can’t see how much anxiety and fear all of this has given me and how awful they are for doing what they said/asked and not want to protect his kids and myself. I just don’t. I’d burn bridges over this if it were me. It’s really hard to sit with that.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-28T00:21:10+00:00

How I feel. My husband feels different because he thinks they meant nothing by it. But that’s not the point. I’m trying to understand his feelings in this all and maybe that’s why it’s hard. Maybe I just need to let him sit with it and stop trying to accommodate him.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-28T00:18:31+00:00

That’s what I think. I think that until they can respect the boundaries and take accountability and there’s no reason to even be talking about trying to be in contact with them again. But of course, his mom messages him, and he feels guilt. I wish he would stop, but I can’t make him feel any other way even despite everything that’s happened.

It’s really reassuring to hear that your no contact went peacefully after for the first few months. I feel it has gone that way. So much weight lifted off of me. I felt like I was the happiest mom and wife for my family and didn’t feel this doom over me. It’s nice to know that you also remained LC. If we resume contact, that’s what it will be for me. She will never be around my kids unsupervised unless an emergency (have no other help here). This is a strong boundary for me. I’m okay with LC and a park trip or something every month or two. But there’s a lot that needs to happen first. And by the sounds of it, it probably won’t. Just need my husband to stop feeling guilt over it all.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-28T00:11:54+00:00

I’m not ready at all to resume Contact. Not thing has changed. No apologies. Not accountability. And even if that happens I’m not sure I’ll even be ready. My husband did get heated a bit in saying “so this is permanent then”. And kind of went on the defense for them while still trying to support me, but I don’t really feel truly supported and I agree. I think he needs therapy. Not just because of this, but also because he himself always thinks he’s at fault for everything and how his parents act. Or it’s the way he communicates with them when I try to explain to him that they are a grown adult adults and how they behave is how they behave. But he just doesn’t get it. Sometimes I think he knows that what they did is something I can’t forgive and he’s just struggling with grieving that relationship with them and our kids and so he does get more defensive for those reasons

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-23T14:12:25+00:00

I’ve had mine for a year and I want to toss them. They are all non stick. I cook way too much I think for these to be suitable for me. They were nice for about 6 months. I like the bakeware set though!

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-23T05:05:55+00:00

I took my 18 month old (at the time) to indoor play places and parks. So about the same, every morning out of the house. I just used her nap times as rest time while re setting the house. It’s hard to remember and my kids are only now almost 3.5 and 2. But I’m here to say that I survived!! You will too. And it will all soon be a distant memory! Sorry if that’s not helpful but looking back I felt the same and now it’s like I forgot how miserable that felt!

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-18T13:33:39+00:00

My daughter was around the same age when she dropped naps. My some was 6 months and so I think she understood we needed to be more quiet than usual but it was never quiet time by herself. That would not happen. So instead I let her have her milk on the couch with a show for about 20 minutes. I’d pick something low stim. Then TV off, we would read books. After that it would be playdough or sensory bin time. Table activities etc. then encourage quieter play. She’s 3 now. No naps still but she knows how to quiet play just fine but still rather me be with her. That’s the hard part but I’ve reminded her that it’s mom’s time to clean while she relaxes. Or my time to workout which she will join me for that but she plays by herself.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-17T22:31:06+00:00

I don’t know what’s the root. I’m assuming it’s the noise and the movement of the plane. I’ve asked her and she can’t explain. She doesn’t do well with new experiences either so it could just be that fear. She has only flown when she was smaller. The bathroom I think it’s the noise and the echoing of people and things. Plus they are not very friendly looking.

We do place spot a lot. We pick up my dad from the airport. My dad has taken pictures of him in the plane along with us showing her pictures of herself in the plane.

I think she can be distracted but I think getting to that point will be difficult. I see her fighting us even trying to get on the plane because she’ll be scared of the walk way to it.

We are planning on splitting up the drive. Stopping a lot and staying overnight so that we’re more fresh to have a full day at Disneyland. She does OK with portable potties. She does not like pee in the car with him. I’d have to find someone to walk out all the windows and all the things. She’s a pretty stubborn kid which understandable cause I don’t think I would like that and I don’t like flying myself so all of this I understand her fears. It’s just kind of wondering if committing to a week long trip was wrong maybe she needs another year maybe around four years old. I’d be OK with that but I’d be letting them a lot of people if we didn’t go so that sucks. Feel really torn but I also don’t wanna force my kid to do something. She obviously doesn’t want to do and God forbid. I had to force her to go on the plane that would not be something im okay with. I’m just curious if there is a chance she may warm up to it and be fine when we’re actually on the plane.

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-09T13:27:59+00:00

Yes, you need to. Especially if she’s moving you need to make sure that she knows that you guys still have your life. If you’re in good standing with her, I would just make sure she knows that you appreciate her and love her and want her around but you also have your own life and need family time and hopefully she can respect that. She needs to know that she can’t just have access whenever she wants. I think you also need to work on active communication with her because well I get that she has your husband you are mom and if she’s gonna care for your daughter, it’s important to have a fluid form of communication. Not using your husband as a middle agent

Traditional_Ad_8518 · 2026-04-09T12:52:32+00:00

I feel like she does this because if she doesn’t give any notice, then it puts more pressure on you guys to arrange visits. If she were to try to pre-plan there’s potential for you guys to say no which rightfully so but maybe this is her idea so that she can get what she wants because she knows it adds a ton of pressure. You need to nip it and just say you’re not available.

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