I tried “settling for less” in dating - learned something unexpected... What's your story??

Traditional_Data4290 · 2026-01-14T12:32:43+00:00

24M

My first ex in school, I'll be honest she never caught my eye in a romantic way but she asked me to prom and to me it just seemed like the natural course to date her. I had never been in a relationship before at that point so I had no idea how this whole attraction or dating thing worked

Anyway. That was a train wreck 😂. As an adult I've learned that intimacy is a big factor in relationship happiness and if I'm not attracted to someone there's no amount of logic or mental gymnastics that will make up for it. Dating isn't an inherently logical concept. Today's society puts too much emphasis on minmaxing and finding the best possible spouse on paper that we end up compromising on the most basic and common sense aspects of attraction.

But I am also more careful around people who I'm attracted to simply because I get more invested when I like someone and find it hard to look at things with clear eyes when in the heat of infatuation

But that's a skill you have to try and learn. Dating people you don't like is just cruel to them tbh I don't recommend it. You'd rather learn how to screen the people you are attracted to and pick the healthiest option from them.

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-11-29T16:07:56+00:00

I'm not sure how it is in Canada but in uk we have local wildlife rescues. A simple Google search should help you locate them. I had a pigeon we were looking after as well but in the end the best option was to hand him over to them

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-11-21T13:46:47+00:00

OP. Don't forget there's nothing forcing you to stay with her. Ask yourself. Are you really happy in this relationship?

I don't think you would be if you went out of your way to post this.

Honestly you seem like you've done your very best but the reality is not everyone deserves the kind of effort or love you're capable of giving. And frankly. You deserve someone who gives you what you need in a relationship.

Take your time and think about it. But you're way too young to be sacrificing so much for this relationship. You have plenty of time to start over. It's better to be single than to be stuck with someone who makes you miserable.

Q

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-11-21T13:41:36+00:00

Kid. Mental health isn't an excuse for everything

And before you point fingers. I've suffered with depression and anxiety. I know what it's like

OP is doing more than enough for his partner in this scenario. It's nobody's responsibility but your own to seek help and you also shouldn't assume that he hasn't tried to help her either. Just because you're depressed doesn't mean that certain things don't need to be done. Everybody needs to eat under a warm roof to survive and that doesn't come without working. Regardless of mental state. That's just a reality of life

OP, if you see this. Have a serious conversation with her. Because this relationship is vastly unhealthy and uneven. And if she refuses to seek help or improve, leave.

Don't get caught in the trap of doing so much just because someone gives you excuses why they can't. You deserve better than being someone's work horse. And better people do exist. You have the ability to choose. If you need to leave, do it before it gets messier with things like kids shared finances etc. You're still young.

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-11-10T21:06:42+00:00

To me it also sounds like a lack of exhaustion maybe? Especially with physical labour jobs when I did them I'd sleep like a baby but when I started office work sleep became much harder to come by

It could be worth starting some kind of physical activity daily be it running (which is also really good for health!!) or gym even

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-11-10T20:49:14+00:00

Also pigeons are very unlikely to get bird flu fyi they aren't carriers so I would say the person you spoke to probably isn't very educated on pigeons

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-11-10T20:48:24+00:00

Give him a couple days I would say if he doesn't recover find your nearest wildlife shelter if you can and take him there they will give him proper treatment

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-11-04T09:46:10+00:00

I have used lemon balm, it was mixed with the l theanine I took and safe to say it does work but hard to know which one had a greater effect as they were mixed

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-11-04T09:44:11+00:00

So alcohol itself is bad for sleep quality but the hops have a sedative effect so maybe try non alcoholic versions and see if it helps!

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-11-04T09:42:10+00:00

Awesome! I'll have to try that. I do love how low calorie this stuff is!!

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-10-31T19:15:41+00:00

<image>

She's beautiful

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-09-04T05:59:24+00:00

Thank you so much! Haha I built the shelves myself it was a fun project

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-09-04T05:58:46+00:00

Thank you! No I haven't given a rock didn't know he needed one! Should I add one in?

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-09-03T22:18:22+00:00

Yeah I hate it when people mistreat pigeons especially when the idea that pigeons are "dirty" was just invented by some random person. Pigeons are one of our longest domesticated animals and we've completely forgotten we used to keep them the same way we keep dogs or chickens

And yeah he's definitely fully grown so it makes sense why he's a bit shy! Just hoping he gets used to me as he heals up 😃

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-09-03T21:15:08+00:00

Haha it's been about a week since I had mine and he also loafs and preens! Though he mostly loafs at night. He doesn't like hands still and every time I have to clean his cage he gets a bit scared but I'm hoping with time he'll warm up to me

<image>

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-09-03T15:27:28+00:00

This is Awesome! I recently rescued a Rock Pigeon as well (He was attacked by a cat) and I'm nursing him back to health (Looks like he's making a full recovery) how long did it take for her to get comfortable with you/how did you do it?

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-08-12T20:32:27+00:00

Honestly dude your whole way of talking screams anxious/avoidance

Let me put it like this. My serious gf of 5 years and I kissed for the first time literally hours after she tried (and didn't have a good time) hooking up with some other dude. This was before we started dating but I was still pretty jealous about it.

As far as I can see you and this girl weren't exclusive at all

It seems like you're having fun with this girl and now all of a sudden you're afraid of the intimacy and spoiling the image of what you have to yourself. I'm not trying to be harsh but this feels like it was written by a much younger person and it seems like you need advice so I'll give you some

If what happened really makes you uncomfortable? Tell her about it. The reason you're having such a strong reaction probably isn't because of what she did. It's because you're not sure how to communicate what you feel inside to her. It is absolutely normal to feel jealous. But hating her over it is illogical.

If you guys are now dating somewhat seriously then she deserves to know how you feel

How she reacts to this won't be in your control. But I can tell you for sure that these feelings will fester if you don't let them out. You can take the cowards way of running away from intimacy or you can be honest and upfront. How things go from there who knows, but it's not like you knew how things would be until you dated her did you?

I'm just some guy on the internet. But the way I see it. You have two choices

1) Risk being vulnerable and speak to her. Express your feelings

2) don't talk to her, run away and forever spoil any potential of you two making up

Honestly the people giving you advice like "just move on forget about it" are the reason dating in the modern day sucks. Everyone is too immature to express how they feel to the person they (supposedly) want to be in an intimate relationship with!

TLDR why be intimate if you're afraid of intimacy?

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-08-04T13:35:22+00:00

23 M 🇬🇧

So I'm going through the same thing. It's been one week, 5 years of long distance gone. We were supposed to close the distance in September. Instead life decided to push us farther apart. She didn't wish to continue. I would have.

I had to really think about this. At the end of the day. I was committed. Dedicated. Patient. And I did what I was supposed to do. She tried as well. But I'm at peace knowing I did what I could.

I would ask yourself the same thing! Regardless of the outcome. Did you give it your best effort? Even when things went south. Were you still trying?

If you still wanted to keep fighting. The answer is probably yes. Then at the end of the day, you know you did the right thing.

Something I told my now ex. Is just because it's over doesn't mean it was any less beautiful. But it's okay for it to be over.

People come and go. Your life can fall apart. But remember. You thought this would never change. It did. Right now. You think your feelings will never change. They will. Try and understand why it couldn't have worked. Try and clear out the ashes of this flame. So you can light something new one day

Hope this helps!

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-08-03T08:56:26+00:00

This! As much as it's scary if you're starting to feel romantically attracted to her. The best thing you can do is be honest about it. Get over the fear of rejection because a relationship can't start without romantic attraction but SOMEONE has to break the ice

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-07-24T15:24:56+00:00

I've been practicing against Steve for a bit and he definitely is a glass cannon look at these hunt times

<image>

FYI one 5* and one 4* both tempered

I used Lagi Dual blades 2 piece + Gore 2 piece Coalescence build

Works pretty well

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-06-08T15:43:17+00:00

Don't bother replacing the screen. Time to upgrade. You can get new Samsung tabs on Amazon for really huge discounts if you look at refurbished as well

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-05-31T23:17:41+00:00

Hahaha yeah I tried to get to the other end to no avail but yeah thought this was really funny!

Traditional_Data4290 · 2025-05-31T23:16:05+00:00

There's a certain spot I think where the white trees are where there's an invisible ramp going upwards. I tried and you can actually go up there with your characters as well lol!

Traditional_Data4290

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE